How do you ask them??

[YourFairCyanReader]

I'm happily single and not in any rush to meet someone. But every now and again I meet a man, usually in a professional environment, and think it would be nice to date him. In these situations I have absolutely no clue how to approach this. I can chat to him, get on with him, see he has no wedding ring, and maybe get on to the subject of hobbies etc during which he doesn't mention a partner. I can also follow up professionally and add him to my network.

But I'm so scared to say, would you like to go for a drink sometime? In case I've just completely misread the situation. If he said, er thanks but I'm married, I'd be absolutely mortified. Or worse, responded in a way that made it clear the attraction wasn't mutual.

Any advice?

You don’t, if a man is interested he would let you know/ ask you.

I think it’s also ok for women to make the first move and initiate. It’s never nice being rejected or knocked back, but sadly it’s a part of the whole process, so you’ve got to embrace it to an extent.
The dating climate is not an easy one for a lot of reasons at the moment, so I’d say seize the chance is there’s someone you like and they are available.

Add them on social media - instagram, Facebook, wherever. Send a message about something general, see if they reply, ask you questions back/keep the conversation going.

While I think it's OK to make the first move, I don't think I'd do it in a work environment. You can add them on social media but I wouldn't actually ask them out.

Really? Do you not think men are more likely to wait for a woman to make the first move, be worried about causing offence and so on? Bearing in mind this is at professional networking events, on courses, at conferences etc.

So do you think saying something like, 'let me know if you fancy a coffee sometime' is ok, or something else?

Ive made this mistake many times and ended up in one sided relationships.
Let him make the move

Ok, thanks. This is the only sort of environment I meet men - it's not work as in at my workplace, I would never do that - but at weekday events like a conference or on a training course. I thought that would be ok!

I think if you're friendly and chat to them and they can see you like them, that's as far as I'd go. I just couldn't cope with being turned down! You can always ask them what they did at the weekend and listen out for "we did..."

I think that's what I'd do in your situation.

No one has made a move for a long time, so that's a bit depressing! But thanks

It will happen
Maybe try online x

It's 2025 FFS.

And you should be able to handle rejection. If you can't get help.

What is the deal in 2025 though - that's what I'm asking!

I feel as though the dating world is pretty crap these days. Most people dislike the apps. People don’t really bother to approach each other in person. If a guy wants to look at naked women he’s got the internet. Where’s the motivation to bother? Sounds like a dim view but that’s my mindset at the moment! I’m happy to be proved wrong, but also have no clue where the good ones are.

If you are already chatting to someone and like them try giving them a few hints. Not ott flirting but smile, give good eye contact and lean in a little when they are talking. If they are interested they will get the message.

Invite him for coffee, have a conversation, networking is a thing, find out a bit more about him. If he's married or in a relationship he'll say.
Some guys don't pick up on flirting que's.
If he's taken or not interested then just simply move on. It isn't personal. It may be you're just not his type.

It’s important not to assume that everyone else finds this easy. No-one particularly likes rejection but it’s important to be able to handle it in a range of contexts, otherwise you will be missing out on life.

A knockback which comes very early on really shouldn’t bother you too much - after all, you’ve only just met that person. View it all as a learning experience and take whatever lessons suggest themselves. The more you do this kind of thing, the easier it becomes.

I know of plenty of relationships which have come from the woman issuing the first invitation.

With things like this, i have learnt that you tend to regret what you didn’t do rather than what you did.

I would never date a man from work, I have seen far too many messy situations. That includes using work events as a pick up situation.

If I meet people in social situations that I like I would just ask if they are married, amongst other general conversation but I am direct like that.

Not sure id be brave enough to ask if it’s brief meeting at a event etc, you don’t know enough about them, unless conversation flows about location and whether they are single, then mention casually oh we should meet for coffee or lunch as your not far. If you know their full name then add on social media and drop a message, if any interest they will ask for your number.

I wouldn’t think about it as ‘dating’ rather than getting to know someone a bit better. Ask them if they would like to get a coffee together some time.

Smile and hold eye contact just a bit longer than usual. Enjoy.

its like you’ve fallen into a backward time warp

Do you mean you these are men you are meeting very briefly as a one off? That’s tricky and I can see why you would be nervous to suggest anything based on such a brief chat. I agree with pp I would try and add on social media afterwards to ‘follow up’ on something.

however if they are men you know and are getting mutual vibes I think suggesting a drink is ok (you could text if if too scared to say it f2f!!).

Not every man would say!

Being friends first always worked for me.
Gives both of you the space to see if you actually have something in common or like each other.