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Original poster

How do you ask them??

57 replies

YourFairCyanReader · 20/09/2025 20:24

I'm happily single and not in any rush to meet someone. But every now and again I meet a man, usually in a professional environment, and think it would be nice to date him. In these situations I have absolutely no clue how to approach this. I can chat to him, get on with him, see he has no wedding ring, and maybe get on to the subject of hobbies etc during which he doesn't mention a partner. I can also follow up professionally and add him to my network.

But I'm so scared to say, would you like to go for a drink sometime? In case I've just completely misread the situation. If he said, er thanks but I'm married, I'd be absolutely mortified. Or worse, responded in a way that made it clear the attraction wasn't mutual.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 24/09/2025 08:49

YourFairCyanReader · 23/09/2025 15:20

Crashed and burned, ladies!!

Received a very nice message back which politely indicated he would not be taking me up on the coffee.

But, do you know what, I don't regret sending the message. I've hopefully given him a little ego boost, I've proved to myself I'm not afraid to do it, and I'm not going to give another thought to why it was a no, because it could be for any reason at all. And I only met him briefly anyway.

Next!!

Good for you for putting yourself out there! Unfortunately this one was a no but you tried and realised the world didn't end and it wasn't the heinous crime some people on here made it out to be with their shock and horror at a woman daring to make a first move!
I tend to drop into conversation something like what does your wife/girlfriend think about that....it gives them the opportunity to let you know if they are indeed attached or if they are single. If they are single a little cheeky smile usually gives the game away it was a deliberate question and the conversation continues on with your interest shown
Keep putting yourself out there, yes you'll get knock backs but if you never try you can never win

Neandernathalie · 24/09/2025 09:47

Mysticguru · 22/09/2025 11:59

Men might have been hard wired to chase but not anymore. The male is evolving. They're not neanthederals nowadays. They're sensitive and rejection by women is just as hurtful as women being rejected by men.
Just look at the declining birth rate across the globe. Especially in Japan. These non chasing men are labelled herbivores and far out weigh the female chasing variety.
Maintain old fashioned perceptions if you wish but it won't get you far in either business or romance.

Do you have genetic evidence for your claims about being wired one way but not anymore?

FYI Neanderthals are our species’ cousins. We, self-defined “Homo Sapiens” do not descend from Neanderthals. Some HS cohabited with Neanderthals for about 10,000 years from 55,000 BC to 45,000 BC in Europe and Asia.

European and Asians carry around 2% of Neanderthal genes since some of our ancestors “got together” with Neanderthals.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/new-research-expands-neanderthals-genetic-legacy-modern-humans-180974099/

Gymbunny2025 · 24/09/2025 15:08

Neandernathalie · 24/09/2025 09:47

Do you have genetic evidence for your claims about being wired one way but not anymore?

FYI Neanderthals are our species’ cousins. We, self-defined “Homo Sapiens” do not descend from Neanderthals. Some HS cohabited with Neanderthals for about 10,000 years from 55,000 BC to 45,000 BC in Europe and Asia.

European and Asians carry around 2% of Neanderthal genes since some of our ancestors “got together” with Neanderthals.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/new-research-expands-neanderthals-genetic-legacy-modern-humans-180974099/

Show quote history

I suspect he’s just desperately hoping someone will ask him out one day 😂

Mysticguru · 24/09/2025 15:12

Neandernathalie · 24/09/2025 09:47

Do you have genetic evidence for your claims about being wired one way but not anymore?

FYI Neanderthals are our species’ cousins. We, self-defined “Homo Sapiens” do not descend from Neanderthals. Some HS cohabited with Neanderthals for about 10,000 years from 55,000 BC to 45,000 BC in Europe and Asia.

European and Asians carry around 2% of Neanderthal genes since some of our ancestors “got together” with Neanderthals.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/new-research-expands-neanderthals-genetic-legacy-modern-humans-180974099/

Show quote history

This isn't about genetics. It's about behavioural patterns. Los of evidence out there if you want to look.

Mewling · 24/09/2025 15:21

HelloKittyFan · 20/09/2025 21:15

You don’t, if a man is interested he would let you know/ ask you.

What a load of bollocks.

StripyShirt · 24/09/2025 15:33

HelloKittyFan · 20/09/2025 21:15

You don’t, if a man is interested he would let you know/ ask you.

It's not 1953 any more.

Neandernathalie · 25/09/2025 08:18

Mysticguru · 24/09/2025 15:12

This isn't about genetics. It's about behavioural patterns. Los of evidence out there if you want to look.

Show quote history

You wrote “they have been wired, but not anymore”.

Where is the “wire” and when did this wiring stop ? “Not anymore”.

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