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Original poster

Hate being home alone

48 replies

ChihuahuaKeeper · 20/09/2025 17:47

I'm just the other side of 50s, with one adult child at home. My partner of 6 years has kids of 18 and 21, who live with their mother. Partner divorced her 17 and bit years ago. He works away Monday to Friday. I'm having problems dealing with the short amount of time we have together. Every other Friday, he drives a long way, straight to his kid's house, returning here around 6 Sunday evening. The alternate weekends are driving straight here Friday, leaving very early Monday. He has been thinking about weekends, and said that I cause him stress when I call to ask when coming here, I am lonely. He added that he doesn't want the pressure of me wanting him here every Friday as he wants to see his kids as much as he can, before they move on in their lives. I'm currently not working, which doesn't help my emotions. I'm trying hard to get a job, and I'm financially independent. My car needs work, so I'm really stuck at home. I KNOW that I have to have my own life, which will happen with job and car. I just don't know what to do about seeing each other so little. I'm very sad but not sorry for myself.

OP posts:
codependantmother · 20/09/2025 17:51

So sorry do you just see him every second weekend and that’s it? Do you have any friends or hobbies?

CatAsstrophe · 20/09/2025 17:51

It does sound lonely @ChihuahuaKeeper

Where does he 'live' when he's working Monday to Friday? Are you sure he's not living a double life?

Original poster
ChihuahuaKeeper · 20/09/2025 17:57

CatAsstrophe
Absolutely certain. He's worked at some places for a few months, and I've driven to spend a long weekend together, whether a whole house with workmates, or same hotel. When a large house, others have their partner there too, and very sociable.
BTW how do I respond to a person's/post on here?!🤪

OP posts:
Original poster
ChihuahuaKeeper · 20/09/2025 18:01

codependantmother · 20/09/2025 17:51

So sorry do you just see him every second weekend and that’s it? Do you have any friends or hobbies?

Not really because I can't drive my car ATM. Yep, every second weekend. We love each other dearly. This is an unreasonable situation, the house is where he lived with ex, and he said that his kids don't want to come here.

OP posts:
codependantmother · 20/09/2025 18:04

Yeah i mean I wouldn’t be happy to be in a relationship with someone I only saw every two weeks so it wouldn’t work for me. Will this be the situation for a long time? Surely the kids are out with friends over weekend?

is there public transport where you live? Or anything within walking distance?

Original poster
ChihuahuaKeeper · 20/09/2025 18:16

codependantmother · 20/09/2025 18:04

Yeah i mean I wouldn’t be happy to be in a relationship with someone I only saw every two weeks so it wouldn’t work for me. Will this be the situation for a long time? Surely the kids are out with friends over weekend?

is there public transport where you live? Or anything within walking distance?

He said until they're living their own life. How long is a piece of string? I live in small market town. I've joined the gym and pool. It's horrible doing everything on my own. Today, he rang to say he's in an upmarket area in London with daughter. He couldn't invite me coz of logistics. He went on holiday just 2 of them.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 20/09/2025 18:16

I think it's reasonable that he wants to see his kids every other weekend. When do you call him asking him to come to you? If it's when he's with his kids then I do think you need to work on filling your time with other activities. He's juggling work, kids and seeing you and probably finding it hard to fit it all in. Concentrate on finding a job and getting your car fixed so that you are living a fuller and busier life.

Original poster
ChihuahuaKeeper · 20/09/2025 18:17

Endofyear · 20/09/2025 18:16

I think it's reasonable that he wants to see his kids every other weekend. When do you call him asking him to come to you? If it's when he's with his kids then I do think you need to work on filling your time with other activities. He's juggling work, kids and seeing you and probably finding it hard to fit it all in. Concentrate on finding a job and getting your car fixed so that you are living a fuller and busier life.

He said until they're living their own life. How long is a piece of string? I live in small market town. I've joined the gym and pool. It's horrible doing everything on my own. Today, he rang to say he's in an upmarket area in London with daughter. He couldn't invite me coz of logistics. He went on holiday just 2 of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChihuahuaKeeper · 20/09/2025 18:22

Endofyear · 20/09/2025 18:16

I think it's reasonable that he wants to see his kids every other weekend. When do you call him asking him to come to you? If it's when he's with his kids then I do think you need to work on filling your time with other activities. He's juggling work, kids and seeing you and probably finding it hard to fit it all in. Concentrate on finding a job and getting your car fixed so that you are living a fuller and busier life.

I ask if I can see him Saturday night, then go to a hotel together or i come home alone, but he stays there. I ask him what time he'll be back on Sunday. The bigger problem is him going straight from work to see them on Friday. If he went Saturday morning, we'd at least see each other for one night. Do you think Friday straight from work is reasonable then?
I am trying hard to get a job. Not easy with my age and no recent experience.

OP posts:
codependantmother · 20/09/2025 18:24

Is his Exs house far from your town? I think it’s a bit strange. Are his kids not out and about with friends? What does he do then?

TomatoSandwiches · 20/09/2025 18:28

Where does he stay when he drives straight from work on Friday to see his children? At the exs house or does he have his own place near them?

outerspacepotato · 20/09/2025 18:40

If you want a bf who's around all the time, this is not your dude. He's got you compartmentalized into a tiny portion of his life and he's not going to be increasing that. He's got work, seeing his kids is a priority, and you're apparently stressing him out by asking for more time from him. He's basically calling you needy.

You're trying to get more time from him that he doesn't have for you because you don't have much to do and you're lonely. Get your car fixed and find someone who will make time for you, not someone you have to beg for their time.

Fromthelions · 20/09/2025 19:35

But it sounds like you live together? So you’re begrudging him spending every other weekend with his kids? Was this arrangement better when your own son was living at home? What has changed recently? Why don’t you have any recent work experience?

I can see where he is coming from with his kids tbh. I think you need to build up your friendships and hobbies - you’re not really going to make friends at the gym or the pool. Also, if you live rurally you need to fix your car. It sounds a bit like you’re expecting your partner to solve all your problems for you.

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 20/09/2025 19:44

He's not that into you. Otherwise he would invite you to stay with him when he's working away or would find time for you.

Quackedout · 20/09/2025 19:45

@ChihuahuaKeeper I sort of was your partner, though I had my kids all the time so i saw him every weekend, plus an evening a week we would cook/eat together with the kids. What id say is it worked fine for me but ultimately he was lonely. His friends all had their own lives, he was lonely and he wanted someone full time, who he was with all the time. I think if you love him so much, you have to accept this situation. My ex split up with me. He wanted more than I could offer (I have small kids). It really hurt because I too was besotted with him but I had to accept that I couldnt give him what he wanted. I think you have to take a long look at what this man offers you, and if it's enough.

Whyherewego · 20/09/2025 19:49

So I see my DP fractionally more than this but not a lot. Sometimes it is just every other weekend, sometimes we see each other 1 night mid week as well.
It suits me just fine ! I have a life and work and friends and my kids and I get annoyed with snoring too ! Haha
The point is, what suits them may not suit you. The arrangement you have suits people who are busy and have busy lives. I'd say unless you are prepared to lead an independent life then maybe this lifestyle is not for you. It's unreasonable to expect him to change, I wouldnt in his circumstances. So you have to review it from your own perspective

Original poster
ChihuahuaKeeper · 21/09/2025 01:33

Thanks for your post. I see him every other weekend, because he works hundreds of miles away Monday to Friday. I have combined ADHD with acute symptoms, so after divorcing 16vyears ago, my kids were very young, and I got a FT job, but I couldn't get to afterschool club on time. I took weekend jobs, part time jobs, and got sacked as v v different to what I was used to, and wasn't quick enough. (Hospitality) I had a full time job in 2019, lost it due to covid. I had a good career before I had children, but employers don't care about that. I'd like my partner to come home from work on Friday, instead of going straight to his kids. One friend lives abroad. One is married with a family. One haz special needs child. I'm a (very young) 63, so hard to go out on my own, or make new friends. I need to work before I go nuts! I'm gregarious, outgoing and have always hated being on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChihuahuaKeeper · 21/09/2025 01:49

codependantmother · 20/09/2025 18:24

Is his Exs house far from your town? I think it’s a bit strange. Are his kids not out and about with friends? What does he do then?

They don't seem to always be with their friends at the same time. The house is where he lived with their mother when they were married. So he's there two nights and showers and sleeps there. I bought him towel to use, but he always forgets to. He even speaks to mother to ask/tell her stuff about kids, and got angry when I asked why daughter couldn't speak to her instead of him? I think it's trying to keep them young, and also habit. He speaks to kids beforehand so he knows what plans they have. House is approx 1hr 15 mins, if no traffic. He still pays her maintenance for 21 Yr old who didn't go to university. He told me that he'll always support his kids. We spoke this evening, he's got full day with them tomorrow. He said he will take me out tomorrow evening. I said that not much to do Sunday night, and can't see point sitting in quiet pub drinking, when could do same at home. Told him I'm not coping and need to see him more often. Told him i need job, car on road, we discussed car. Told him have not called as streses him, he thanked me. He said that we will start to see more of each other over the next six months.?

OP posts:
MissMarplesGoddaughter · 21/09/2025 06:35

To my mind you have a choice

Either you accept the situation as it is and build a new life for yourself around when your DP can see you

Or you break up with DP, make a new life and actively look for a more present partner.

From what you post about your DP it doesn’t seem like the situation will change in the near future, he will always be a big part in his children’s lives.

I’m just wondering why you can’t get your car fixed so you get some independence back.

Waitaminutewheresmejumper · 21/09/2025 06:47

I agree with Miss Marple.
It doesn't sound very much like he does "love you dearly". If after 6 years you only see each other EOW this isn't going anywhere. Fix your car, find any job you can and if not being alone is so important to you, find someone who feels the same.

Violetparis · 21/09/2025 07:00

I find it odd that his kids don't have busy lives at their age that don't include spending every minute of every other weekend with their father. Does he stay with his ex family home with his ex wife ?

Violetparis · 21/09/2025 07:03

Does he stay in his ex family home that should say.

NumbersGuy · 21/09/2025 07:24

OP, you have a mate, not a DP. You need to start saying out loud "I need to fix in my life." "I need to change ___ in my life." You keep putting your life on hold for someone who is definitely not putting their life on hold for you, but you're doing it for them. I'm 61, learned who was true friends versus who used me for their own needs and kept me away from being around everyone else in their life because it wouldn't benefit them to do that. Life is too short to keep wasting it on people who can't give back. Why you need to learn to be happy with being alone - it's not that bad and it gets better.

Cantseetreesforthewood · 21/09/2025 07:31

I can't see this relationship going anywhere as it currently stands.

I think you either have to dump him, and work on securing your life in your current location, or move to his work location, and set up life with him there, where you would get to see him all week every week, and every other weekend.

pinkdelight · 21/09/2025 07:32

Where does he stay when he works away? As you’re not working at mo, is there a reason you can’t go with him on those weeks, or just once even so you get the evenings/nights together? Even if he’s staying somewhere you can’t share, you could stay a couple of nights in a hotel and hang out together, he’s not working 24/7 presumably. Just to solve the short term loneliness and bottom out whether this is just about that - meaning it’ll end soonish when he’s not seeing his dc as much and retires - or if he doesn’t want you there so it suits him to have a DP without having to share his life with you more.