I have been in a relationship with a man 17 years older than me for over 11y. Initially there was a lot of talk about marriage and children. He has adult DC, I have none and family is important to me. I was never pushing for anything but we knew that due to his medical situation we would have to look into alternative methods of conceiving, yet he never explored them knowing how importnat it was to me. I started having employment problems in covid and retrained. Despite new career path it now looks that it is not working and my only option is to perhaps go back to my country of origin where the pay and lifestyle is better and I would be able to get work much quicker. Unemployment obviously has been affecting my mental wellbeing but I get no support from my DP who only talks about his job and it is a very well paid exec role. You can imagine how downgraded I feel when my emotional needs for being heard are dismissed in every conversation. I asked him numerous times to help me and introduce me to his network of recruiters but it never happened. There is always a reason why it is a no. Over the years my need for family got silenced, the plans for marriage vanished, any assitance with job search is not there so I started looking abroad.
Having in mind that he did not pop a question, it is a bit too late for me to have a child, we have not been intimate for years, I feel I am just a companion. To my surpise in the last 8 months DP has been very upbeat about the idea of us sharing life between two countries and flying each weekend. I find it exhausting. His work allows working from home 2 days but currently he chooses to go to the office most days. All he talks about is his retirement but there is no plans in place when and how is he going to do it. He owns his house outright but we do not live there as for years it has been a relict of his former marriage. He has been talking about selling it ever since we have been together, and the house had a buyer but he did not sell it. The thing that puzzles me is his encourgement that we share life between two countries. He told me that living in two countries has us more chances to survive as a couple than us living in one house like we do now. I can not comprehend the logic behind it unless of course in his mid 60s he has a lover. A month ago we spoke very bluntly about marriage and he said ok let's get married, we went on exotic holidays and I was hopeful he may pop a question specialy that he booked a full moon dinner and we were out every evening but nothing happened. We did not even get intimate. Nothing. He was very proud when people called me his wife to him but I always speak up and say we are not married, people always ask him why not, he gets all sheepish and there is that awkward silence. His friends asked him many times why he's not getting married to me but he has no answer. In my view when you do know what it is about it is always about money. He doesn not want me to be his wife becasue his DC will have to share inheritance. He sees current set up as having a 'wife' without an expense of it, for 11 years served him well so why bother. I get that but what I do not understand and want your opinion on is, what is his logic behind the relationship surviving if we live in separate countires? Surely he must be aware that I will meet someone? Or is he just happily trying to let me go? Almost as if, if I go it will be my decision not his. Almost as if I move it frees him from the relationship responsibility and on weekend he can have me as his dinner companion but that is just ridiculous.