Named changed for this one. After 15 years with my DH I’ve finally realised he is a covert narcissist. It’s like the blinkers have been taken off my eyes. Our relationship has always had challenges and I’ve struggled with a lot of his behaviours. He has been very good over the years if making me believe it was me - that I was expecting too much, asking too much, too emotional etc. Problems were never resolved, only swept under the carpet. He would never back down, silent treatment would go on for days, and I would eventually cave to talk it through. Somehow, whatever the situation, he would convince me that I was the issue. After meeting with a great therapist and working on myself, I have come to realise the patterns of behavior and unprompted by me by therapist suggested he was gaslighting me and potentially showing narc behaviours (although she obviously couldn’t diagnose). I’ve since read up on it and it explains his behaviour to a tee. He’s not overt; he’s convert, which is why it took me so long to realise.
MY CHALLENGE IS THIS: I have two children with him and desperately want to leave.,he’s absolutely fine with them. In fact, being a “great dad” and projecting that image externally is part of his narc supply. It’s me that he has a problem with and bears the brunt of his rage. I can’t leave right now and will need to wait it out for various reasons. Any survival tips for preventing his rage e.g what else apart from grey rock can you do?