Trigger warning: daughter told me she was raped.

[TempNameForAdvice25]

My 15 year old daughter ended her first relationship recently. She just told me that the relationship involved sex and that on one occasion the boy continued when she was saying no. She showed me a text message exchange where he admitted it. She has told a teacher at school too, I had a call from social services and it’s going to be reported to police.
I have to told my daughter that it’s her decision how far to take it and I will support her whatever. Please tell me honestly, do you think it will cause her more problems to report it? I don’t have much confidence in the police to treat her fairly and all this is the last thing she needs in her GCSE year. I’m reeling and don’t know where to turn

Either she’s a warrior going to war or she isn’t????

What the hell is that meant to mean!?

I would have thought it was quite self explanitory. It's going to be a long hard war. Long and grueling and not the thing you can do in half measures. But it seems the word warrior puts people's noses out of joint as analogy so perhaps not the best word choice. Apologies.

That's a very hard story to hear. However, might it also be hard to be raped, and not pursue it. Just let it go? I don't know the answer, I am not a survivor of sexual assault .

I reported my rape to the police, it went to trial but he was found not guilty.
The evidence to charge was DNA, genital injury, restraint injury. Me and the police were both shocked that he was found not guilty (His story was the injuries were from rough consenting sex)
There isn’t a right or wrong answer as to what your daughter should do. If she does report it I’d contact rape crisis and make sure she has an ISVA. When it comes to dealing with the police, in my experience most are good people who want to help but I did come across a few shockers, complain and make sure you get someone who you are comfortable with.
It must be awful to know your daughter is going through this.

I’m so sorry this has happened.

Make sure you’re talking with her daily. Remind her that you love her, she’s done nothing wrong, she’s brave and that this doesn’t have to define her life.

Reach out to charities and get their advice and guidance.

She’s a warrior either way, she goes to war and it’s hard work or she gets on with her life knowing what happened to her…. Being a warrior.

I would have went with 'survivor' personally. But tomatoes tomato. It's all just somantics.

I’m a survivor of a lad who decided he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants….

Late to your thread but thought my experience might be helpful. It's not the same but I made a historic CSA allegation comparatively recently to the police. There was a lack of forensic evidence obviously but I thought there might be some corroborating testimony from others. Either way, it was important to me to make the report. I made the initial report at a local police station and was then interviewed by telephone at length and in detail by an officer who wasn't specifically trained and made a few (imo) off-colour remarks. Because the offences had taken place in a different area, I was then passed to a different constabulary and went through the same process with a different officer who was much better, again by phone. He arranged to do an in-person video interview with me, but before that could take place, my case was passed to a different unit at a different station and I was contacted again by a new officer, this time a trainee detective, who was utterly inept and unprofessional.

I did the video interview about 6 months after my initial report. My testimony was solid, detailed and consistent, but what I didn't realise in advance is that when the police take a statement like this they make you go over and over it, breaking it into its constituent parts and then going over each section again, over and over in a more telescoped way. I understand why they have to do this, but I wasn't warned in advance, and didn't know that this is almost the exact opposite of how a therapist will encourage you to talk about traumatic events. It probably also didn't help that the detective was so inexperienced. To cut a long story short, I ended up with PTSD, and adding insult to injury the case was dropped in fairly short order, supposedly for lack of evidence, but mainly because the police didn't really bother to pursue any. (I was informed of this by email on Christmas eve. The detective ended: "Have a lovely Christmas x". With a kiss. For real.)

I realise that a lack of resources means manpower has to be rationed, but if I had realised what that would look like in reality, and if I had understood more about the interrogative process, then I would have balanced those two factors against each other differently, and might well have made a different decision, even though making a police report felt extremely important at the time. I certainly felt, and still feel, that if I was raped now, I would proceed with great caution, having felt previously that I would 100% report and have my day in court. If I had a 15-year-old daughter, these are the things I would keep in mind. I don't think there is one right course of action, but if you - or she - are hoping for a thorough, skilled and sensitive investigation with the morally right outcome, you may well be devastated by what you get instead. Helping her hold it together for the sake of her education only for her to fall apart at some later date because of the unfinished business may well be a better path imo. There will be fallout either way. I'm so sorry this has happened.

I’m so sorry Barbaric and all the others who have had horrific experiences. Thank you for sharing and advising me.
I’ve given it a lot of thought and I don’t think she should pursue. It would be traumatic and brutalising and I can’t see any jury thinking it’s proved beyond reasonable doubt. Court dates are being set for four years ahead in our area - she would be nearly 20 by the time it’s done and for very little chance of conviction.
I think she needs normality, love and support and to focus on herself and her future. Healing from this will be a long road. Not taking it further doesn’t mean she is not a warrior, it means she is choosing not to be an open target. She is my priority, the fact the justice system betrays women is not her responsibility.

I understand your reasons, and the need to protect your DD from further trauma. But the fact that girls face this choice and such poor outcomes makes my blood boil.

It's a tough call either way. Reporting is the beginning of a long, distressing road with no guarantees, as you say. Not reporting runs the risk of her feeling that she's letting people, and more pertinently herself, down. It's a really hard balancing act. She should not have been put in this position by him. I hope she can be protected from him at school and in the community. I'd want to rip his eyes out in your position. Sending you and her my thoughts.