I’m divorced, have 3 DC under 11. I was and still am the main breadwinner so I work hard in a job that is full on and means a lot of travel. I met a man through friends 3 years ago and have been with him since. He is divorced with a 21 year old daughter who lives with him. He also travels frequently to see his elderly mum who lives in a city I frequent a lot for work, so he often joins me on work trips where we stay in hotels or at his mum’s house (which is not very comfortable) so I opt for hotels
He has been a breath of fresh air emotionally. I have felt very happy with him these past three years. He is kind and consistent, good in bed and I genuinely feel that he loves me. Living separately means I get the best of all worlds - my own space but time with him when I want too.
There is just one thing - since we have been together I have noticed he has a strange compulsion to seek out freebies to the point of outright cleptomania. I don’t even know if that’s the right word. Eg if we go to an event with a buffet or a hotel with a breakfast or afternoon tea, he will head straight there and take as much as he can, even to the point of lifting up and taking whole plates of the thing being served (eg a plate of smoked salmon) and if he can’t do that I have sometimes seen him start to choke on a particular item because he has stuffed so much of it into his mouth. I have also been in several cafes with him where he has stolen mugs he has drunk from, especially ones with logos or brand names on them. He monitors and seeks out coupons and timings of free meals, drinks, discounts on objects and organises his day around these timings, even if they are out of his way. On this particular trip I am currently staying in a very nice hotel in the city his mum lives in. I opted not to stay at her house as it’s uncomfortable and work are paying for my trip. In this hotel it’s full board, so you get really nice spreads for breakfast and afternoon tea and dinner as well as wine. He has not missed one of these - driving over for each meal and combing the buffet to take food back for his mum too. I have caught a flu on this trip and so I have been in bed the last two days. In all the rooms there is very fancy toiletries by a well known brand and every couple of hours they deliver cookies and baked goods. He has been bringing medicine over for me and looking after me which has been lovely. I have not been able to eat much at all but last night a few hours after he left I woke up ravenous. I knew there were a lot of food options in the room as I had seen them earlier when he’d been here. so got out of bed to see that on his way out of the door he has taken everything. Maybe about 10 cookies, all the fruit in the fruit bowl, he’d emptied the mini bar of the free stuff (not the stuff I pay for but everything that was complementary) and all the bulgari soap, moisturiser and free slippers from the bathroom. There was literally nothing left to eat or drink.
The irony is that if there is nothing free he will go hours and hours without eating or drinking anything. On planes he refuses to pay for the internet unless it’s free, will not buy snacks unless they are free. I have seen him go an entire 12 hour flight with no food or internet because he would have to pay for it. As far as it would seem he is a very wealthy guy. I have seen his bank statements, heard this from our friends who introduced us and from how he has lived since we’ve been together. For eg he has quite expensive hobbies - he spends money for ski and climbing experiences.
I just don’t know what this is, this compulsion. I have brought it up before and we joke about how he likes a “freebie” but I can see it’s a bit more than that. There is a compulsion / urgency about it. It can derail his whole day. Like he’s a man possessed. Have you been with people like this? Has it got a name? What does it normally mean?