Me and DH work together have done for a long time, but the last couple of years it has been difficult, especially this year. He wants more involvement with what I'm doing, he definitely doesn't trust me, he asks me to do something and I spend ages and it's not what he wants. He talks to me patronisingly, he eye rolls, we had an argument recently and I said how annoying it was when he interrupted me (it's not just me he does this with other people, my colleague mentioned it to me and said how rude he was to me in a meeting and how he does it to her as well) and he actually said well I know what you are going to say, he can't see how rude that is, even if he is right, he isn't. He sighs when I talk, closes his eyes to find his patience when I say something he seems stupid and has said other people in the team I work with find me difficult. I doubt that as far as I can see, and I have always have had really good relationship with my colleagues, I have always been trusted to do my job and get results. I have never been spoken to or managed like this in my life. I no longer enjoy work
He hasn't been always like this, this started maybe 18 months ago. I was struggling to point I had counselling at the beginning of the year to see how I could manage my behaviour around him.
We talked about divorce earlier this year and he said how much he hates fighting and he really doesn't like how we are and I thought we had a break through. We didn't. He talks to me about work first thing while I'm trying to get ready for work and make sure the kids are on track for school. He talks to about work after work. There are no boundaries despite me asking for them. I was on annual leave one day and he was talking to me about work, I pointed out I was on annual leave and didn't want to think about work. He said to me, that's your problem you are a senior member of the team you don't get to switch of. I pointed out the rest of the team got to switch when they turned their laptop off.
Anyway he said to me today we aren't peers you need to do what I tell you, I was like oh fuck that's what you think. To be fair he has been telling me this with his actions and I have ignored it. This was after me conceding to changing something to the way he wanted and he just wanted to hash it over and over again to find out why we 'weren't aligned' despite me saying I am doing what you have asked.
Anyway and sorry this is long, I decided in counselling I liked my outside of work husband but didn't like my work husband but that's something I can live with. Now I don't know if I can tell them apart, he just isn't very nice or kind to me. We haven't had sex for a month, he moans I'm not affectionate, I'm not naturally a huggy, kissy person but even if I was I don't want to be nice to someone who is fundamentally unkind to me. I've just finished a big qualification and someone said oh my partner would be so proud of me if I did that and I just screwed my face up as I don't think he is. I mean he was supportive and entertained the kids loads to allow me to do it but I don't think he is proud. I think he thinks I'm stupid, we had a process on at work a number of years back and I spoke to a friend who is a mutual friend who was involved as my DH said something and I didn't recall it like that. Our friend said no your version is correct and he said he thought my DH should of had my back much more. He asked if I was doing the qualification on the back of what had happened and I said yes, sort off. He told me that was nuts, I shouldn't have to prove myself as I can do that simply by my career to date. He is right though he doesn't have my back. My friend said he was his wife's biggest champion I can't say that about my DH.
So just now he just came and talked about figuring a way to exit the business and said I could have the house and everything like it is his to gift me! He said he hates his life and he needs to do it and do you know what I was like okay then. I'm crying writing this but because this has made me realise how sad I am. I know if he was here he would dispute my version of events but he has a habit of looking at things with the benefit of hindsight. I don't know what I want from this post. I'm not ready to talk to anyone about this yet on RL. My kids will be devastated. But it was helpful just writing all this down. I might invest in a diary to capture my thoughts and feelings.