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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Kiss with neighbour.

37 replies

LA88 · 14/09/2025 08:13

Where i live i have no friends or family nearby. I've been single for 3years since leaving a domestic violence relationship. I've tried making friends in my new town but to no avail. All I do is work (from home) & be a mum to a 13year old whose always out with their friends or at school.
Me & my neighbour who lives right next door to me started chatting over the fence 8 months ago. We borrow sugar etc, watch out for each other's houses if we're away.
2 weeks ago we were chatting through text then shared a drink in the garden. We ended up kissing but even though it was unexpected we both wanted to see where this may go.
We talked all weekend via text but since Sunday night (2 weeks ago) I've not seen or heard from him. I have text him but hes not read it, I've knocked on his door & he didnt answer even though he was home. I spoke to his friend when he was leaving the other day was my usual friendly self and asked if my neighbour was ok his friend replied "yeah hes fine".
I dont want things to be awkward between us because we are neighbours & he was the only neighbour who spoke to me but I dont know what to do. All our messages were positive, light & friendly & he was the one who said he liked the fact it was unexpected & was keen to explore things further.
He said over the last few weeks before we kissed he has ADHD and sometimes needs times to process things. He has alot going on with his mum being in a abusive relationship, falling out with his sibling & wanting to have contact with his child that he hasn't seen for 4 years because the mother wont let him. He said he liked the fact he could open up to me because he doesn't about those things with his own friends. So I dont understand what's happening or why he has suddenly gone silent or what to do now because he hasn't replied to my last message or even open the door to me

OP posts:
Smeeble · 14/09/2025 08:22

He’s telling you he isn’t interested. Men who are interested don’t behave like this. I’d just leave it, with no expectations, and see if he gets back in touch. Pushing will only make it worse.

FirstdatesFred · 14/09/2025 08:23

I think sadly it sounds like he has got cold feet and doesn't want to pursue things at the moment. It's rude not to say that to you directly but you need to stop contacting him and knocking on his door now. Give him time.

DaisyDoodler · 14/09/2025 09:48

He’s ghosting you. He can’t face up to telling you in person that he no longer wants to pursue this and so instead he’s ignoring you and hoping the situation will go away. It’s not nice but a lot of emotionally unavailable men do this as they can’t face dealing with your emotions. Leave him be and next time you see him casually around just be breezy and say a friendly hi and keep going. If he has second thoughts he will approach you again but if he does I would still be wary he might do this again so would proceed with caution.

CharlieKirkRIP · 14/09/2025 10:05

He’s entitled to change his mind but it extremely immature to not have the decency to tell you.

If he didn’t want to tell you to your face, a simply text given that you were texting back and forth - ‘Diane, you’re a lovely lady but I don’t want a relationship. I hope we can carry on be good neighbours as I value our being friends.’

As he’s a coward I wouldn’t give him the time of day again.

NotItsyBitsyNorTeenyWeeny · 14/09/2025 10:08

Sorry - I agree with first post. He is telling you he isn't interested anymore. Not answering the door to you, or replying to your messages, when he is "fine", is a very clear message

Didimum · 14/09/2025 10:29

He’s had second thoughts and isn’t interested. Too immature to say so. Stop excusing his rudeness and immaturity as ADHD and ‘having a lot going on’.

We all have a lot going on, he’s just your run of the mill shitty man.

Sorry for the tough love, but move on.

Suednymph · 14/09/2025 11:49

Red flag one is the fact he hasnt seen his own child in 4 years. I rarely believe men when they say they have not been allowed and if they have not been allowed its usually for a very good reason. I would say you possibly have had a lucky escape. Also if he has adhd he needs to stop using it as an excuse for things. I have adhd and would never be rude to someone.

LA1988 · 17/09/2025 16:19

Thank u all for your replies. Turns out he has another woman. So that answers everything

IdaGlossop · 17/09/2025 16:22

LA1988 · 17/09/2025 16:19

Thank u all for your replies. Turns out he has another woman. So that answers everything

Lucky escape for you. Spare a thought for her.

Pollqueen · 17/09/2025 16:26

Ooh awkward OP, sorry. But he's the shit as he's the one in a relationship so shame on him

LA1988 · 17/09/2025 16:31

IdaGlossop · 17/09/2025 16:22

Lucky escape for you. Spare a thought for her.

Just feel like a right idiot for falling for his lies about his mum, not seeing his child, his ADHD & i was the only one he could open up too about his problems. Was taken in by it all & felt sorry for him but im guessing thats how he gets women in the first place

LA1988 · 17/09/2025 16:36

Pollqueen · 17/09/2025 16:26

Ooh awkward OP, sorry. But he's the shit as he's the one in a relationship so shame on him

Not sure he was with her when we kissed because he said he hadn't been with anyone for months but then again that could've been another lie but the fact its only been 3 weeks since we kissed & the other woman has been at his for the last few days she probably knows nothing about me hence why hes cut all communication with me. Makes me wonder if either of them have actual jobs to go too.

ScattyHattie · 17/09/2025 16:44

Lucky escape
If it feels uncomfortable now imagine what it would be like had you dated a while and broke up, keep your home a safe haven so your not forced to move to avoid them.

I'd suspect he isn't the nicest person to date if he's falling out with family and blaming the mum for lack of contact with child, given it seems mums post here that it's difficult to stop dad's contact even when they are wrong uns.

Pollqueen · 17/09/2025 16:51

Well maybe they're in an "on/off" relationship or they weren't together or whatever, but there's obviously something going on there and you unwittingly got caught up in it but he's in the wrong, not you

Awkward that you live next door but hold your head high, you've done nothing wrong and he's the shit

LA1988 · 17/09/2025 17:17

ScattyHattie · 17/09/2025 16:44

Lucky escape
If it feels uncomfortable now imagine what it would be like had you dated a while and broke up, keep your home a safe haven so your not forced to move to avoid them.

I'd suspect he isn't the nicest person to date if he's falling out with family and blaming the mum for lack of contact with child, given it seems mums post here that it's difficult to stop dad's contact even when they are wrong uns.

Exactly with the child contact. I have been through the court process after leaving a 10 year abusive relationship & the court was all for my ex seeing our child despite police reports etc. Then once my child had their say they changed their minds & stopped all contact until our child is ready but my ex is allowed to send letters etc. My neighbours child is only 7 so I know the court would agree contact but I dont even believe hes made an application. He said he had a solicitor but made out the c100 had been lost etc.

LA1988 · 17/09/2025 17:20

Pollqueen · 17/09/2025 16:51

Well maybe they're in an "on/off" relationship or they weren't together or whatever, but there's obviously something going on there and you unwittingly got caught up in it but he's in the wrong, not you

Awkward that you live next door but hold your head high, you've done nothing wrong and he's the shit

I know I just feel silly for worrying about it being awkward when we were good neighbours before this & now its like hes going out of his way to damage that relationship. Blasting music, constant banging throughout the day & night. I dont want to be that neighbour who complains because I have always apologised for any unnecessary noise i make & so has he but now he doesn't even bother.

susiedaisy1912 · 17/09/2025 17:22

DaisyDoodler · 14/09/2025 09:48

He’s ghosting you. He can’t face up to telling you in person that he no longer wants to pursue this and so instead he’s ignoring you and hoping the situation will go away. It’s not nice but a lot of emotionally unavailable men do this as they can’t face dealing with your emotions. Leave him be and next time you see him casually around just be breezy and say a friendly hi and keep going. If he has second thoughts he will approach you again but if he does I would still be wary he might do this again so would proceed with caution.

This

IdaGlossop · 17/09/2025 18:13

LA1988 · 17/09/2025 16:31

Just feel like a right idiot for falling for his lies about his mum, not seeing his child, his ADHD & i was the only one he could open up too about his problems. Was taken in by it all & felt sorry for him but im guessing thats how he gets women in the first place

You are not the idiot. He is.

LA1988 · 17/09/2025 18:24

IdaGlossop · 17/09/2025 18:13

You are not the idiot. He is.

Slightly disheartening though. He shouldn't have led me on if he wasn't interested or had other prospects

IdaGlossop · 17/09/2025 18:35

LA1988 · 17/09/2025 18:24

Slightly disheartening though. He shouldn't have led me on if he wasn't interested or had other prospects

I rest my case. He's an idiot. Particularly foolish as he is bound to see you again.

LA1988 · 17/09/2025 18:38

IdaGlossop · 17/09/2025 18:35

I rest my case. He's an idiot. Particularly foolish as he is bound to see you again.

Yeah we live right next door to each other but was worrying because I hadn't seen him leave the house for 2 weeks. Don't know why I bothered worrying about him now I know hes more than fine

LA1988 · 19/09/2025 07:36

He has become really difficult the last 3 days. Since moving here I've never had an issue with him. He's always been a quiet neighbour but the last 3 days its constant banging all day & night. Blasting music until early hours of the morning. People coming & going banging doors. I've messaged him asking to turn the music down or keep the noise down but hes just ignored me. I have knocked on the door but get no reply.
The noise is so bad it woke my son up twice last night.
I just dont get why he's suddenly started acting this way when 3 weeks ago he was a really nice person.

Lovemybunnies · 19/09/2025 07:43

Hi OP could he be on medication and have stopped taking it? I hope he settles down again and glad you saw through him before it went any further. Is it private housing or rented? Is there anyone you can complain to? You can find out through the land registry who the property belongs to.

user892734543544 · 19/09/2025 07:56

What's happening is he's ghosting you because he's not interested.

It could not be clearer. So your confusion is completely unwarranted.

As for what to do. Act like nothing happened and gaslight him right back. Be normal with him and pretend to yourself that that kiss never occurred.

You also need to work on being happy to be single because if you not happy to be single then you will do things like this, which is stalk your neighbour and make yourself look desperate, because essentially, if you are not happy to be single, that is what you are.

Only consider dating again once you are happy to be single. Because then you will be able to get rid of people and let go of them when they show red flags or tell you they aren't interested.

IReallyLikeYorkshire · 19/09/2025 08:21

If I was in a position to move, I'd move. What an arsehole!

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