This guy is saying I'm not faithful to him, but we are not in a relationship?

[OneGladEagle]

I don't understand this. He and I are friends with benefits; we have never been in a relationship. And he even said we were not exclusive, that we were just casual. Now he is bringing up how I am not faithful to him because I told him I went on dates with other men. I don't get it. Am I missing something here? I did meet his mother, but he still has been saying we are just casual. He even said we were not sexually exclusive, but now he's talking about how he even said it was ok if i dated other men, but now I am not faithful?

You talk a lot about what he says your relationship is. It isn't up to him alone. The status of your relationship is something you both have to agree on.

What do you want? Do you want FWB? Do you want something more?

It reads as though he wants his cake and eat it. He wants to call you is FWB but have you at his beck and call. So he can sleep with other people but you can't.

If that's the case, he's bad news, doesn't respect you and is selfish and controlling.

In any case, he's giving mixed messages and I wouldn't put up with that. I thought FWB was meant to be stress-free fun. He sounds like hard work.

Well you'll either have to remind him what a friends with benefits relationship is, or stop seeing him.

Not much else anyone here can say really.

There's a particular type of person who's suitable for a FWB situation and a particularly type of nutcase who isn't. You've got the latter there, OP.

He is inconsistent because he wants to control you without controlling himself. If you want a casual relationship then you need to dump him because he is pushing you into an exclusive and restrictive relationship while keeping his own options open.

When he said you were casual and not exclusive he meant him not you. He is allowed to date and shag and whatever but you are meant to sit at home 24/7 waiting for his call.

Or you can say “fuck that” and move swiftly on.

he even said we were not exclusive, that we were just casual

He said it very clearly. What did he say when you reminded him he said this?

I asked him if he was involved with someone else, and he said he's not and that his mother can confirm this I met his mother during the summer, and it turns out she likes me. And sometimes I see her where she works.

This. We’re not exclusive was him telling you he’ll shag around but you are only available for sex on demand with him.

He sounds like an immature prick - not worth the sex

I agree. This isn't going how he planned. He wanted this arrangement to mean HE could go and shag whoever he wanted. He imagined he would have women lined up waiting for him and you would be so smitten that you'd just wait around waiting for his crumbs of affection.

Instead it turns out nobody else wants him and you're quite happy to see other people.

It's quite amusing really

I asked him if he was involved with someone else, and he said he's not and that his mother can confirm this I met his mother during the summer, and it turns out she likes me. And sometimes I see her at work.

Why is he involving his mother?!

What do YOU want, OP?

this guy sounds a bit red-flaggy, so be careful.

Why are you so passive in this OP? He says this, his mother says that… what do YOU say? You haven’t addressed PP comments. If it’s sauce for the goose it’s sauce for the gander. What do YOU want?

Ok, I don't know what to think about this situation. Because when I saw his mother at her work she hugged me, saying she missed me. I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. Am I missing something here? He lives with his mother but he basically takes care of her because he pays for everything.

Why is he introducing his casual shag buddy to his mum and she’s hugging you saying are misses you?

The whole thing is all very odd

Yes, this is what I want to know why he would even introduce me to her to begin with.

You sound very naive OP. I think you're in over your head here, could you step away?

Because darling its all bullshit. He likes shagging you and his mother is bored and would like someone to talk to. So he’s pushing you to do some girlfriend work to keep her happy. You are like the dead mouse a cat drops for its owner. This is not a compliment to you. This is not a set if beliefs or statements you need to take seriously.

Nail it.

But he was telling me that he was ok with me dating other men.

You need to dump this man asap and block him from contacting you.

This is possessive, jealous behaviour - abusive, and a huge red flag.

Very gracious of him!

THIS.

The relationship he has with mummy is weird, and she's weird too.

You don't want these people in your life. Nothing good will come of it.

Did you not think to ask?

Sounds like he wants all the benefits of a relationship including a faithful girlfriend but with the option to shag other women when he wants.

Well he clearly didn't mean a word of that, did he?

He said it to keep you available to him.

But now he either has pressure from mummy to find a real girlfriend or wants to test your reaction to an unreasonable and irrational demand on his part.

Tell him the relationship moves forward on your terms or it ends. Two can play the testing game.

Or just dump him and save yourself the drama and anxiety.