Would your DH "stick up" for you?

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If somebody put you down or shouted at you or was aggressive to you, would your DH stand up for you / have words with the person?

I've realised that mine never has - or would. He doesn't do confrontation and prioritises his own self preservation (if you were being unkind you could call it cowardly!).

Once I would have said it wouldn't have mattered to me, but as I'm getting older I strangely feel a bit bothered by it. I don't know why.

Interested in hearing other people's thoughts.

He would 100% have my back. My DH is not an aggressive person at all but he won’t tolerate anyone being aggressive or nasty to me. His mate once called me a bitch as a “joke”, my husband told him to apologise then and there. His mate was firmly put in his place.

I can’t ever recall a situation where someone has been aggressive to me. But yes, I’m fairly confident that he would.

Mine would and has.

Despite being generally laid back (horizontal) and easy going. Definitely not a typical alpha male.

I've never been in a situation quite like that in the 25 years we've been together, but yes he absolutely would if it seemed necessary (i.e. if it even vaguely felt like a physically threatening situation). If it were just words, he knows I'd be perfectly capable of standing up for myself, so he wouldn't jump in before I'd had a chance to respond (and I wouldn't want him to).

The one time we were in a situation like this (about 20 years ago), it was a drunk man but he was harassing dh not me. Dh did a brilliant job of de-escalating and being very non-aggressive to the man. We are both teachers though, and have plenty of experience of dealing carefully with volatile teenagers.

I've absolutely no idea. It's never come up.

No though in situations where someone seems to be aggressive towards either of us we both have the instinct to minimise reaction and extract ourselves.

In situations where someone has picked on me verbally he doesn't stand up for me, I have to do that myself. I have sometimes been a bit aggrieved that he didn't at least back me up/openly show his loyalty for me. I'm not in the habit of arguing with people and the only two people who used to do the "picking on me" thing were his mother (RIP - total bitch who hated all her sons' partners on principle) and his best friend (perennially single and annoyed his drinking partner had settled down). At times I did say to him afterwards that he could have stuck up for me but his reasons were (a) it would just have escalated things - they were both difficult people with whom he had a direct relationship and (b) I could clearly handle myself.

The latter is definitely true. I'm quite resilient and I hate the idea of a man speaking for me. So I suppose, contrarily, I might be annoyed if he did openly stick up for me.

I have seen him actively challenge people on behalf of a child though. Once older kids who threw our toddler down a slide and a guy on a bike who ran into our friends child and then told the mum to fuck off when she shouted at him. (On that occasion he followed the guy to a shop and then told security what had happened and they called the police while H kept hold of the bike so the guy couldn't grab it and ride off, even though the bloke was effing and blinding at him. )

So despite my gripe above I know he will stand up for people who aren't in a position to do it themselves. That's probably enough.

Probably not, he sort of freezes in those situations.... id shout back usually unless I was slow to think. A man told of my toddler in a scary way and my reflex was to tell him off back.

Same here and vice versa.

Yes, 100%. He's super diplomatic and has a lovely, calm way with people (whereas I freeze or cry if confronted) so I will always send him to diffuse difficult situations. But if it came to it he would absolutely defend me physically if he needed to, he's strong, courageous and totally loyal.

Honestly

I have been through so much, while the men in my life watched and then found a way to blame me and even laughed at me

My man standing up for me is of the absolute utmost importance. I would leave at the first sign of him being unable to do so.

Sorry xx

Likewise, and we’ve been together since 1992. The last time someone shouted at me, it was probably our toddler being outraged about having a nap or something, or some drunk on the street there was no point in responding to. I mean, where are people encountering all this aggression?

Well obviously it happens. A&E, police custody, riots, high-profile shootings, lower-profile shootings, Child Protection...

And then all the threads about family fall-outs and disrespecting and MiLs...

I just sometimes think I'm on a different planet

This is what my husband is like. He avoids confrontation if he can. We work together in the same office and he has on many occasions stepped in when he can hear clients becoming aggressive; not just with me but other women in the office.

However, if there was an intruder in the house it would be more likely me who would go and investigate 😂

Absolutely. He's easygoing and doesn't care for confrontation within the relationship, but would wade in as necessary otherwise.

Yes. He once stood up for me against his own dad, whom he adored, because he thought something he said to me was a bit insulting. I hadn't even picked up on it but I was pleased he'd stood up for me where he thought he needed to.

He would but I also think it depends who it is, with his ex - mother of his child, it took him about 2 years to actually stick up for me and that was after me being annoyed regularly for him not doing so. Family, friends, strangers I know he would

I definitely think my partner would. Unfortunately I had my fair share of brawls growing up in and out of care which has followed me a bit through life. We did have a situation recently where a big bloke was rude to her on a garage forecourt "fucking woman" sort of thing comment.
Before I knew it I was out the car and at him. He jumped in his car and his wife apologised. All a bit embarrassing really, I guess it's the fight or flight thing. Mines naturally to protect.

Mine once bollocked some blokes for swearing in front of me as I was pregnant. So yes he does, even if I’ve no wish to be stood up for!

I’m not sure how many posters on here have been near shootings and riots though.

Yes. My husband was a laid back, easy going guy, but push me or threaten me and you'd see how he survived combat. He had incredibly fast reflexes.

No. Probably agrees with them. I’m his book women fend for themselves.

Oh yes - mine might actually have to restrain me. I had an aggressive stranger shout at me once in the street and I turned and marched towards her- DH pulled me away.

My DP is very well aware that I am more than capable of sticking up for myself in just about any situation. I don’t take any crap from anyone, which doesn’t always make me the most popular person it’s better than being seen as a doormat. It also means that I need a partner who is strong enough to stand up to me, which is what I’ve got.

If someone did start having a go at me his initial reaction would probably be to enjoy watching me deal with it, but if things escalated he absolutely would stand up for me, which as an ex-rugby player he’s very capable of doing.

Yes! His brother verbally attacked me. My DH immediately shouted back at his brother and told him in no uncertain terms that was not on. I did the same a few years prior when my father verbally attacked my DH. I immediately shouted at my father that was not acceptable. So, yes, we stick up for each other.

How often do you need sticking up for? Is it something that happens often to people?