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Original poster

Should she tell him ?

37 replies

mouthpipette · 13/09/2025 00:48

Kat, a good friend of mine, has just started courting Karl. Both are introvert and anxious types and Kat is daily 20mg Citalopram. Karl is tall, lean, fit and Vegan. He cares very much about what goes into his body. He takes neither alcohol nor coffee. He would certainly have an opinion on ADs, should Kat tell him ?
Both are very, highly, honest. They try to be open with each other.

My thoughts are, the longer you leave it, the worse it is when it comes out… or am I being oversensitive .. it might not matter at all to him. ?

Gruesome details,
Known each other 6 weeks, met online.
Met up 10 times, mostly outings to theatre, cinema food and have had sex twice, though by the end of this weekend it might be thrice.
Sex is very comfortable and lovely and loving and exciting.
Each about 60.

OP posts:
BIWI · 13/09/2025 00:55

Why is this any of your business though?

NoahDia · 13/09/2025 00:57

Just 🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
mouthpipette · 13/09/2025 01:39

BIWI · 13/09/2025 00:55

Why is this any of your business though?

OK. Assume it's none of my business.
BIWI, put yourself in Kat's shoes. What would you do ?

And please don't respond "That's none of your business too"

OP posts:
mrsh2025 · 13/09/2025 01:57

No she shouldn’t have to tell him at all her medical health is her business and yes you are being over sensitive but am assuming you are kat… or a very over invested friend

VictoriaHelen · 13/09/2025 05:51

I dont think you should do that and moreover don't ever think you can advise who is in love and it wont be good if you are the cause of their break up jut let them be and anyone you close with then you can give some ideas or caution to let them be on a safer side

BuddhaAtSea · 13/09/2025 05:57

I think it’s a bit early to put all the cards on the table, maybe?
But what matters the most is that she doesn’t feel she can tell him about the meds without fearing repercussions. Not sure how much it’s her insecurities and how much of a dick he is, but…I’d say she’s not ready to date.

MeTooOverHere · 13/09/2025 06:29

mouthpipette · 13/09/2025 00:48

Kat, a good friend of mine, has just started courting Karl. Both are introvert and anxious types and Kat is daily 20mg Citalopram. Karl is tall, lean, fit and Vegan. He cares very much about what goes into his body. He takes neither alcohol nor coffee. He would certainly have an opinion on ADs, should Kat tell him ?
Both are very, highly, honest. They try to be open with each other.

My thoughts are, the longer you leave it, the worse it is when it comes out… or am I being oversensitive .. it might not matter at all to him. ?

Gruesome details,
Known each other 6 weeks, met online.
Met up 10 times, mostly outings to theatre, cinema food and have had sex twice, though by the end of this weekend it might be thrice.
Sex is very comfortable and lovely and loving and exciting.
Each about 60.

What is Citalopram? Has she asked you for advice?

Chilliprawnpls · 13/09/2025 06:54

So odd OP

You and this OP that is

Endofyear · 13/09/2025 08:26

She doesn't have to tell him anything. It's none of his business what medication she takes. Also, if he's that judgemental, why would she want to be in a relationship with him?

ComfortFoodCafe · 13/09/2025 08:39

very odd post, this is none of your business. Are you one of those crazy curtain twitchers who cant keep their nose out of other peoples lifes?

DropOfffArtiste · 13/09/2025 08:42

Either this is you, in which case your medical history is absolutely none of this chap's business.

Or this is your friend in which case her medical history and sex life is absolutely none of your business.

LorrieTosh · 13/09/2025 08:48

Imagine someone you’d been dating for 6 weeks sitting you down for a serious chat:
”There’s something I have to tell you…I’m on a very low dose of anti-depressants.” Absolutely ridiculous 😂

It’s not a big deal. It’s her body and it’s a prescribed medication, why would it matter?

Jiddles · 13/09/2025 08:49

I’m assuming Kat is you.

It seems a bit early in the relationship, to me, to feel the need to tell him. But if you’re assuming the relationship is going to develop into something long-term he’ll have to know at some point, so perhaps the sooner the better (though possibly it might be better to wait until he has a stronger bond with you/Kat, that he’d be less likely to want to lose.)

I wouldn't make a big thing of it, just lead the conversation onto the subject of medicines or moods, and tell him how necessary this medication is for you/Kat at the moment, to be able to lead a normal life. If it’s a deal-breaker for him that was going to happen at some point anyway.

Tweeky80 · 13/09/2025 08:51

Very odd... who cares if she takes medication.

fourelementary · 13/09/2025 08:51

Not his body, not his business. If he reacts in any way negatively in future (if he sees tablets etc) then he’s not a keeper anyway.

Original poster
mouthpipette · 13/09/2025 08:52

I think it’s a bit early to put all the cards on the table, maybe? @BuddhaAtSea

That's basically it, when is the right time ? Sooner or later ?

Flipping the situation. If he had something that he was unsure about telling her, such as a restraining order or a criminal record, would she want to know about it early on ?

I guess it's a matter of how much the partner should know and at what point.

OP posts:
Jiddles · 13/09/2025 08:57

mouthpipette · 13/09/2025 08:52

I think it’s a bit early to put all the cards on the table, maybe? @BuddhaAtSea

That's basically it, when is the right time ? Sooner or later ?

Flipping the situation. If he had something that he was unsure about telling her, such as a restraining order or a criminal record, would she want to know about it early on ?

I guess it's a matter of how much the partner should know and at what point.

I don’t think your analogy works. A restraining order or a criminal record would tell you something about that person's character and how they might behave in the future, including towards you. Medication to help a chemical imbalance is not the same.

DropOfffArtiste · 13/09/2025 08:58

Are you comparing taking prescribed medication (which presumably many people do at all ages but especially by their 60s) to a criminal record?

Cynic17 · 13/09/2025 08:59

Even if they'd been married for 20 years, she should feel no obligation to tell him. Our private medical information is exactly that - private!

DropOfffArtiste · 13/09/2025 08:59

A criminal record or restraining order could be very relevant for her safety and says something about his trustworthiness. A medication is not remotely similar. Why do you have such a stigma against it OP?

AgentJohnson · 13/09/2025 09:00

Should she have to tell him, hell no, none of his dam business. However, if she feels he would be negative about it, then he isn’t the guy and she’s wasting her time.

Tell him because he ought to know, no. Tell him to see how he reacts and use his reaction to gauge wether to continue, yes!

ChristmasFluff · 13/09/2025 09:05

I am an open person, and if I were on antidepressants, at this stage of dating I would tell someone if they asked me. Or if it came up in conversation.

If they didn't ask me, or if it didn't come up in conversation, I'd probably never tell them.

Same as with asthma and hypothyroid, and the medical conditions I do have. I don't see that being on ADs is something to be 'disclosed', any more than ventolin is. It's no-one else's business really.

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 13/09/2025 09:05
  1. Who says "courting "? Even my 82 year old friend says "dating/seeing/shagging".
  2. A low dose of an antidepressant is irrelevant. If in the long term K&K decide to start trying for a family and the dosage would affect that, then it may be on the table for discussion.
3.What Karl puts into his own body has no bearing on what Kat puts into hers -including him--
DropOfffArtiste · 13/09/2025 09:06

Also, he is not her partner after 6 weeks. You barely know each other at that stage. FWIW, I workout very regularly, don't drink coffee or alcohol mostly because I have health conditions which also require a lot of presciption medications. I also don't give a shit what other people do to manage their health.

DropOfffArtiste · 13/09/2025 09:07

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 13/09/2025 09:05

  1. Who says "courting "? Even my 82 year old friend says "dating/seeing/shagging".
  2. A low dose of an antidepressant is irrelevant. If in the long term K&K decide to start trying for a family and the dosage would affect that, then it may be on the table for discussion.
3.What Karl puts into his own body has no bearing on what Kat puts into hers -including him--

The family plans are unlikely if they are both in their 60s!