What is it with men who absolutely LIVE for the pub?

[Xoxoherewegoagain01]

Dating. I'm in my 30s and the more and more people I meet I see a running theme of men who do not do alot else other than go to work and go to the pub - not nice pubs either, run down sort of places - almost every night going for a pint and then at the weekends getting absolutely wasted - same every week.... what the hell is that about?! Is it just me who's noticing this? Some women obviously could do this and are like this too but I'm just abit miffed and icked out by it...does anyone else feel the same?

A lot of men don’t like women, their conversation or their company.

They don’t mind looking at them and sleeping with them.

I don’t know any men like that. Seems like someone from a bygone era.

My husband will go to the pub, but only with me, or family or with other couples.

If I met somebody who behaved like this I would assume they are probably an addict.

They're obviously alcoholics. Still functional to the point of holding down a job but maybe 5-10 years away from AA or a total downward spiral.

I don't think a routine of a pint with your mates, and getting wasted at the weekend often applies to the same people.

The pub is a chance to catch up and be sociable, not really any different to a million other ways to socialise.

These are empty guys, alcohol affected, empty gossips and a waste

I'd guess that being at the pub means interacting with a group of people and not having to deal with any of that messy one-on-one stuff which might involve - gulp - empathy, sympathy, deep conversation or, well, anything that isn't shouted over a football match.

No, I've no time for the 'pub-hobby' men either.

The worse is the women who can't live without a pub

Why?

This, they don't see women as actual people to spend time with.

🤷🏾‍♀️. Don't know any.

I had an ex like this, he was a bit older than me. Weirdly I wouldn't class him anywhere near an alcoholic he would only have 1/2 pints each time but it was like he was addicted to the pub. Every single night or afternoon at the weekend, didn't matter where he was, what he was doing, somehow always managed to get to the pub for "a pint" he honestly lived for it. It was a small rural pub, dark, dingy and full of smelly old men. Really never saw the appeal!

Ughh its such an ick!

Exactly this...I always find the ones who live for the pub don't have much to talk about, can't really start or hold conversations and are very meh as people.... glad to know it isn't just me feeling like this

Ooh it won't be long before someone comes along to tell you all off for 'taking the piss out of men socialising when there's a loneliness epidemic on'
To a PP point, the fact that men have largely socialised in groups that never dig into any personal stuff is the reason we have men who 'cant deal with emotions' and then use it to excuse being shit fathers and horrible partners....

I don’t know any men like this now really though I did spend a lot of time in the pub in my late 20s/early 30s. I’m a recovering alcoholic and my guess would be they have a drinking problem. The pub normalises daily drinking. They’re still young enough to be doing it out and about. Eventually it becomes drinking alone at home. If it’s not your thing I’d be chucking these ones back.

And none of them i have met have actually achieved anything in life! Most are single or onto wife number whatever or with some poor woman who is happy to just sit at home and wait for them because she doesn't know her own worth!

You’re meeting / attracting the wrong kind of bloke. Stop whatever it is you’re doing and think of another approach!

None of my mates do or did this at that age. Those of us that did drink to get wasted at weekends have outgrown this or realised the hangovers aren’t worth it!

I don't know many people who spend their free time on pub sessions anymore. It seems a bit like a dying art. I used to love sitting in the old man pub. Playing pool, chatting to the old boys over a Guinness.

It seems a bit lame to try and kind of make it your whole personality. I guess the equivalent might be a woman who blathers on about 'prosecco time' and 'wine o'clock', and has decals all over the place proclaiming her love for the stuff?

I guess you just know men like that aren't for you. It's marginally better than gambling addiction though.

From personal family experience, the daily pub goers were alcoholics. And all left a trail of devastation in their wake.

I’m pretty sure it’s called alcoholism

I knew someone like this a long time ago, and he still does the same routine day in day out everyday.

His house is purely a (very messy) base where he sleeps, and he never ever spends an evening at home, ever.

He holds down a good job in engineering, despite being a functioning alcoholic.

My dad was a pub fanatic. His whole life revolved around his trips to the pub. And it wasn’t just the alcohol he wanted…it was the pub environment he was obsessed with. He used to hang around with other pub wasters who had no job/marriage/relationship/life. It destroyed my parents’ marriage. I had a relationship with a guy when I was in my early 20s who also had an obsession with pubs and it destroyed our relationship. Both him and my dad were functioning alcoholics.

I’ve not personally experienced this but it seems very depressing to me.

When I met my H in a pub, obviously, 30 years old, he worked in the day, he was is a computer guy, professional and smart at work, he used to go to the pub as a general rule in the evening, nothing outrageous, but it was preferable to sitting at home, probably alone, he met up with people there, all working different jobs, there were a few doctors, a journalist, lift engineer, the landlord (who was a friend as well came to our wedding), it was a lovely pub though, victorian, high ceilings.

It was company.

And then he met me, and I dragged him around and he blossomed, we met in the middle somewhere and been together two decades, with an amazing marriage, two teenagers.

He was a bit lost, he wanted marriage and kids, he needed a reason to change.
There was a tiny bit of teething adaptations, but it was clear (to me) he was an amazing man that was in a bit of a rut.

He started to hang out with me, at my house, not too far from the pub, he started to love Sundays, roast dinner, football on, my housemates, he started to enjoy the home life, cooked dinners, going into the city for theatre, art, music. The pub was still a hub, lots of pubs friends, but it became less and less. His friends were lovely by the way, my friends are lovely, everyone met each other, there was a joining of more people, nights back to houses, we had enough people to field two decent rounders teams in the summer.

H wasn't a project to fix, he, just needed a push to be something a bit "more". He was happy to walk away with me though, he wanted to not be in the pub all the time. That was easy to establish from, well the third day of knowing each other.

And where we are now, early 50s, looking towards him retiring in 10 years, two teenagers, one rented out property, one normal almost paid off house, one teen in 6th form looking at a physics degree at a russell group, another just starting Y10 "going for gold".
H takes them both for the sporting clubs, once in the week, once at weekend, we have travelled with them to more than one continent, I can buy tickets for any theatre music show, his career has gone from strength to strength, he loves everything I and them have given him. I don't work by the way, he provides, but he was happy with any choice we made together. There is clearly more to this story, but it's mostly good.

All from a meeting with a man who spent too much time in the pub in his early 30s.

It wasn't alcoholism, lack of imagination perhaps, no purpose most definitely.

Do you like him OP?

Is he fun?
Up for doing other things?