When I met my H in a pub, obviously, 30 years old, he worked in the day, he was is a computer guy, professional and smart at work, he used to go to the pub as a general rule in the evening, nothing outrageous, but it was preferable to sitting at home, probably alone, he met up with people there, all working different jobs, there were a few doctors, a journalist, lift engineer, the landlord (who was a friend as well came to our wedding), it was a lovely pub though, victorian, high ceilings.
It was company.
And then he met me, and I dragged him around and he blossomed, we met in the middle somewhere and been together two decades, with an amazing marriage, two teenagers.
He was a bit lost, he wanted marriage and kids, he needed a reason to change.
There was a tiny bit of teething adaptations, but it was clear (to me) he was an amazing man that was in a bit of a rut.
He started to hang out with me, at my house, not too far from the pub, he started to love Sundays, roast dinner, football on, my housemates, he started to enjoy the home life, cooked dinners, going into the city for theatre, art, music. The pub was still a hub, lots of pubs friends, but it became less and less. His friends were lovely by the way, my friends are lovely, everyone met each other, there was a joining of more people, nights back to houses, we had enough people to field two decent rounders teams in the summer.
H wasn't a project to fix, he, just needed a push to be something a bit "more". He was happy to walk away with me though, he wanted to not be in the pub all the time. That was easy to establish from, well the third day of knowing each other.
And where we are now, early 50s, looking towards him retiring in 10 years, two teenagers, one rented out property, one normal almost paid off house, one teen in 6th form looking at a physics degree at a russell group, another just starting Y10 "going for gold".
H takes them both for the sporting clubs, once in the week, once at weekend, we have travelled with them to more than one continent, I can buy tickets for any theatre music show, his career has gone from strength to strength, he loves everything I and them have given him. I don't work by the way, he provides, but he was happy with any choice we made together. There is clearly more to this story, but it's mostly good.
All from a meeting with a man who spent too much time in the pub in his early 30s.
It wasn't alcoholism, lack of imagination perhaps, no purpose most definitely.
Do you like him OP?
Is he fun?
Up for doing other things?