Recovering from narcissistic, emotional and physical abuse

[Inamess2022]

That’s just it really. It’s finally dawned on me after 8 years of ups and downs, toxic behaviour, me lying to friends and family about things (mostly physical abuse) I am stupid as I gave him a second chance. He has been reported to authorities and blocked etc luckily we don’t live together or have children together. But yesterday I just had what felt like a complete mental break. I have been signed off, I have family here supporting me, I have referrals to counselling. But I just don’t know how to move forward and I don’t know when things will get better. I feel stupid and broken. I’m in my 40s and I’m just in a mess. Has anyone else been through this please? Please tell me it gets better

When you stop reading the spam emails!

If you don't stop drinking the poison, how to you expect to recover?

Unless you use your email for work, I'd make a new one entirely and use it from now on.

Sorry op but if you keep letting him dictate your mindset by his ramblings then how do you hope to break free of him?

Delete, block, create new numbers and email addresses. STOP reading what he sends. I know it's tough but you have to stop your knee jerk reaction to say 'how high?' when he says 'jump!'. He's gone. He's not relevant. What he thinks or wants.. you need to start telling yourself it's not relevant.

I am logging all of this with relevant authorities and then I will never look at it ever again. I just can’t believe someone could be so vile. He has literally put me off men for life. I wouldn’t be able to trust one ever again: This is the last email: Don’t think I’m angry you are doing this. I am angry I allowed you in when I should never have come back to such a dysfunctional relationship when I first left. You fucking user. That’s my anger that you made my life hell. But luckily I would not let you destroy me completely and most certainly not my children. You slag us off, think you fuckers with your neurotic shit are a family. 🤣🤣I’m odd. Fuck me try having a hard look at yourself. It’s not the ending, that was always going to happen it’s the cold, callous fucker you are that’s got me. But I will move on from you, my children will do well. I will be ok and I hope you get the most horrible fucker going that users you, fucks you up and leaves you.

Op this nonsense is the exact carbon copy of the rambling bullshit my ex sent me when I finally had my lightbulb moment and kicked his sorry ass out. This is you witnessing the unraveling of a desperately fragile ego. He is drowning and throwing out every hook from his toolbox to try and take you down and float himself. When you take a step back from this you’ll see how pathetic this man really is. Not one ounce of control over his emotions, not a shred of self respect going on like this. Who does that? Have you ever received anything like this from anyone else? He’s showing his cards here op, he’s floundering. Appreciate how much power and control you have at this point. Block, delete and stay composed. Take some time to gather yourself then start moving yourself forward with making a plan for nExt moves. You’ve got this OP, he’s just like all the rest of them and it becomes SSSSOOOOOOO predictable. He’s pathetic and you’re doing just fine for the stage you’re at. Rest.

Yes op but you're also reading over it to post it here. So you're looking at it again. And writing it out! Don't do it! We don't need you to hurt yourself again on our account.

Stop reading them! Just forward them to the police! They can read them.

And as pp said, it's all just the same drivel every narcissist looney sends when you escape. It is just word salad.

Say to yourself next time once comes in 'bla bla bla bullshit boring drivel!' and send it to the police without bothering to read.

Thank you for all your messages and kind support. Counselling services got in touch today which was good so that will be set into motion soon. I’m still feeling very wobbly but haven’t cried yet and it’s nearly midday so small wins I suppose! And I actually laughed at something earlier wow 🙄 I just cannot ever be hoovered back into this ever again. He has been absolutely vile, he has made sexual derogatory remarks about me, slated my family and friends, told me I had nobody and am nobody, threatened so much. God I hope he goes away and this all gets better 😢

Ok so I’ve had a day. Oh god I’ve had a day. He’s given me some bits back that I had at his, he turned up strongly crying and saying he was the only one that has ever helped me and I’m the only woman he’s ever truly “loved”(my parents never have etc which is bullshit) The relief of having my keys back is immense to be honest. I’m not even crying anymore I just feel numb.

Good op, he’s doing all these big displays to provoke some kind of response from you and make you come running back but the more you don’t react, the more control he loses. I’m so proud of you OP, you’re doing so well. Take a big step back from your feelings and observe him trying every trick in the book to get you running back. I know you’re not going to this time op, you’ve got this!

Thank you for all your kindness. It’s been a very very hard time and emotionally I’m still very up and down and all over the place. Before I would have felt sorry for him in some capacity. Now I just feel empty and detached slightly if that makes any sense

I'm glad you've got the keys back op but I would make a point of getting your locks changed anyway. His kind are power obsessed and you just never know if he made copies. Sorry to make you more paranoid but better safe than sorry.

I'm glad it seems like things are shifting for you now. But just beware he does seem this as a war and his sort always have dirty tricks. Don't forget that this person means you harm and will take any kindness from you or compromise, as weakness. And they attack weakness.

Take no chances. Secure your home. Leave the keys in the locks whilst in until you can get them changed. And consider a camera doorbell.

I am so determined In myself to make a real go of my future this time and fight the lonely sad feelings that I’m positive I will have and will come and go. It’s been a really crappy time.

I would appreciate any bolstering kind messages today, I’ve had to relive a lot of what’s happened to access counselling services and I’ve had a real lull. I’ve had a proper setback felt exhausted, can’t eat anything but fruit. I bloody hate this. Had to take two propranolol as anxiety just there all the time 😔😔

I haven't read the whole thread but just came on to say I've experienced a toxic friendship with a covert narcissist and it is so hard to cope with afterwards. I read all I could about the subject to get understanding and kept a notebook of everything positive I found online. Lots of support there. Be reassured it will get better. Writing it all out helped me and helped me to never ever go there again, ever.

My local Women's Aid ran a course based on the Freedom Program which really helped me deal with the abuse and gain perspective. It's a roller coaster, but you'll get there.

Two days of nothing then the most vile abusive emails again, I can now hopefully delete the address as the evidence is off to the authorities,‘I’m just so tired and worn out with it all. I’m awaiting specific DA counselling but I’m exhausted. Work have been lovely can’t see me going back for a while yet unfortunately 😔

I’m scared I’ll never trust anyone ever again (way way off in the future) I feel very jumpy and anxious around men now.