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Original poster

Is it too soon to introduce kids to the idea that I am dating?

53 replies

RavenMorning · 11/09/2025 11:21

Hi All,
Some background...I have 2 DD's (11 and 13). Their dad and I were together 18 years, separated 11 months ago and the children have lived with us both 50/50 ever since. Our divorce is almost complete (fingers crossed for October) so 1 year after separating.

I met someone online 4 weeks ago and we have been on 2 dates, and we text each other throughout the day every day. He is widowed and has 2 boys who live with him, the same age as my girls, so finding time to see each other has to be worked around our childcare. We get on really well, have the same values and I'd like to keep dating and see where it goes but I'm not sure how my children will feel and don't want to do anything to make them uncomfortable.

At the same time, I don't want to keep any part of my life hidden from them either, especially if this person becomes important to me. The man I'm dating is very open with his family about the fact he is dating so as far as I know his DS's know.

As far as I am aware my ex isn't dating anyone, and we had a conversation early on agreeing that we would let each other know first if we had met someone significant before telling the children, so that we could both be on the same page.

To those who have been in similar positions, how did you approach the subject of another man/woman being in your life with your children? I certainly wouldn't introduce anyone to my girls until I've known them at least 3-4 months anyway, so it's just the idea of Mum dating that I'm thinking about at the moment.

Any advice welcome!
Thanks

OP posts:
jjW29 · 12/09/2025 22:52

Totally agree..they don’t need to know.They probably have enough going on in high school themselves without you adding to it.Kids don’t need to know everything even if they are teenagers which they’re only just(11isn’t a teenager)
I would be very careful who I introduce to my children and let into their home.I get the impression that you want to tell them so you don’t have to tiptoe around anymore.
I’ve been seeing someone casually for around a year and haven’t told my 16 and 18 yr old…why do I need to?
Why do people want their children to be their friends

ohwhattodowithmylife · 13/09/2025 13:55

BeltaLodaLife · 11/09/2025 15:10

So, I worked in mental health as a psychologist. First with children and then with the elderly.

The dynamic you’ve described is very unhealthy. Your children’s reaction to you keeping your private life private from them is unhealthy. I’m very sorry, and I’m not trying to offend you, but it is. Your job is to raise your kids to be happy and healthy and secure, and not to involve them in your dating life until you’re secure with someone. That doesn’t mean they meet them, nor do you give the full story. You just say that you’ve met someone and you’re going to date them and you’re very happy, and maybe in a few months they can all meet. If your kids feel betrayed then that is not an ideal dynamic, and requires more conversation around boundaries and your life as an adult vs your life as their parent.

Not dating because, several years later, your kids will forbid it is… an unhealthy family dynamic. You should consider some therapy to help you and the kids communicate over this.

Back to the OP, A year is nothing to kids. To them, their parents split is still fresh. They do not need to be told that mum or dad is dating. It’s the wrong move.

Edited
Show quote history

I understand this. It’s my choice not to date.
We have been through a lot of trauma.
in a ideal world I would have therapy with my children but it is not an ideal world and I have no funds for this and have been able to source very little support for them in dealing with all that they have had to go though.

lilkitten · 13/09/2025 15:51

I think I was in the dating world generally about six months before I told my kids (who would have been 11 & 8 then), but I didn't introduce them to anyone for a very long time. My current BF, they met him about 6 months into dating, and it's gradually become more common for him to come round for dinner etc. I figure I need to see someone for long enough to know that it's serious, but I did want them to know where I was going (they had figured something had changed when I started dating, as I started being on my phone more) so I let them know what was happening. Their initial reaction was to ask if that meant someone would move in, so I could reassure them that wasn't the case.

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