Getting ducks in a row, anyone?

[Quackquackquackery]

Could take a few years.
Any advice?? Anyone else going through the same? How are you surviving?
I will need to improve my finances as everything is in his name and we are unmarried. We have kids.

Your post made me look for this one from recently, hope it helps. You’re not alone

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/5398370-separation-how-to?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Hi OP,

Rights if Women is a very useful start point to inform oneself of the start point for a separation in law. You're aware that as an unmarried partner & unnamed on the property, that you're in a bad position, but there is still some good advice in the "living together" section.

Good luck!

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/

I took probably 2 years (maybe more) to come to the realisation that I couldn’t endure the misery of emotional abuse and downright unhappiness for ever, and I left him this Spring, moving into a flat I had rented (did the whole exit in secret and left while he was on a work trip). Also not married, 2 kids, own our home (in unequal shares as the coercion started long ago) and I’m lucky that I earn a pretty good salary, though he earns double.
The first thing I did, without realising that’s why I was doing it, was to start squirrelling away all the savings that I could. I know not everyone can do this, but if you can’t then at least start getting very savvy when it comes to money. Work out what it will cost you to live independently, how much support he’d have to pay (you can check this on the CSA website) and any benefits you might be entitled to.
knowledge is power - I felt overwhelmed by how hard it would be financially and used this as a reason to stay, but over time I worked out how to make it happen. I was opening whatever regular savings accounts I could, as they usually have the best interest rates, and saving as much as I could in those. I was probably doing this for a few years before I left, and had an amount that once I hit it I felt confident meant I could afford to leave him. Good thing i did this too, as I failed the rental affordability check by less than £20 and had to pay 6 months rent upfront from those savings!!
I also did lots of reading of threads on Mumsnet to learn how other people had made it happen, and I eventually told some friends what was happening (having hidden it for many years). The combination of an escalation of his temper/anger and the support from these friends (which did feel a bit too much at times, when I didn’t feel ready to leave) plus practical and emotional support from Mumsnet meant that early this year I started looking for a place to live. I started buying basics I would need along with the weekly food shop and hiding them, opened a 0% credit card to buy house things (bedding and towels etc) and hid things at friends houses ready for the move. Once I found somewhere to rent I waited for a week when he was going to be away for work, lined up all of my ducks, and as soon as he went away I got signed off sick from work for 2 weeks so that I could focus on moving out. It still feels unreal now but I did get out, though still need to get the family home sold so that I can buy somewhere and move out of the pretty crappy rental we’re in. He still wants me back and has mostly behaved well since I left, but I just want to finalise the split and this is the challenge at the moment.