Seeing ex and our children on my birthday

[Catonamoon]

Recently separated from my ex husband. It’s my birthday soon, would it be weird to suggest a family takeaway or a short walk and a birthday cake afterwards with ex and the children? Weird or okay?

Not on my actual birthday but the day before.

I would think it weird to be honest. The children fine but not your ex especially if you've just recently separated.

Depends on how and why you broke up, what the relationship is like between you now. But generally, it’s easier longterm to build separate lives and easier for your children to get used to if it’s clear and consistent that you have separate lives now.

Why not make new traditions for your birthday? You’ll have to start somewhere

Why would you want to see your ex on your birthday?!?

Children’s birthday? Yes. Lovely. Your birthday? Weird.

Why would ex need to be there? Unless a reason yes it’s weird

I agree with PP. Generally clear boundaries are better for the DC and everyone involved to be honest but can depend on circumstances. On the whole however I would generally say celebrate your birthday without the ex.

we have our birthdays with our dc
spend the weekend together

Together with your ex or do you mean just you and your DC?

So on my actual birthday I’m having a little tea party for my DC and my family. Not ex. But I wasn’t sure whether to suggest anything with us all as a family? Even though we are now separated. Weird though probably!

Why do you want to spend your birthday with your ex?

The only reason I would want my ex around on my birthday would be because of two reasons:

a) My children had requested his presence and reluctantly agreed

or

b) You still love him and want an excuse to see him.

Sorry to be blunt - but you’re not a family any more.

Best thing about being separated is NOT having to spend celebratory days with your ex, surely??

No it’s weird. Seeing your children on your birthday, yes absolutely. But can’t see why your ex would need to be there. On your children’s birthdays yes if you’re having a party or that’s what they request.
i know it’s only early days but as others have said you need to set boundaries. What happens if/when one of you gets a new partner. Surely you wouldn’t then spend your birthday with your ex still? Maybe some people do. I’m separated and I definitely don’t, nor would I want to despite us still being civil and co-parent well

I wouldn’t want to see my ex on my birthday..,, think it’s ok if it was her kids birthday as that’s important to them. what is the reasoning behind seeing him - do you still have feelings for him?

Weird and boundary blurring for the kids. Start as you mean to go on and all that.

Not ok.

Kids yes. Ex, no.

What you need now are clear boundaries regarding events that used to be celebrated together, but will be separate going forward. To do things together is confusing and makes it harder to keep necessary boundaries. Your lives diverged when you separated and it's time to get used to that.

Was coming on to say exactly this. It would be extremely confusing and unfair on everyone

Kind of sounds like you want him back, why did you break up.

How old are the kids, if there is a bit of playing happy families it might be confusing for them.

Why would you see your ex for your birthday? Odd.

Do something with the kids but not with ex. Even if you would like to see him, you’re prolonging the inevitable pain when the routine stops for his birthday or Christmas.

Op i think it's OK, how old are thr children,

I think it sends a message to the children that you both can be civil on these occasions, so the children will have, school activities that you both will attend, nice to be able to do this together, after school activities and celebrations thst you both would want to attend,

Rather this way than all the fighting over who's going or not,
Also when other partners come along hopefully they can see how balanced and civil you both have made your separation for the sake of the children,

I was super close to my in-laws so for me and children this was lovely as we all could keep the relationship with them too, good luck op in what you choose but remember your children are learning from this,
There birthdays, Xmas, lots of times you may need to see each so why not make it comfortable

Yup - weird.