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Original poster

Seeing ex and our children on my birthday

35 replies

Catonamoon · 08/09/2025 12:34

Recently separated from my ex husband. It’s my birthday soon, would it be weird to suggest a family takeaway or a short walk and a birthday cake afterwards with ex and the children? Weird or okay?

OP posts:
Luxio · 08/09/2025 16:00

Omgblueskys · 08/09/2025 15:57

Op i think it's OK, how old are thr children,

I think it sends a message to the children that you both can be civil on these occasions, so the children will have, school activities that you both will attend, nice to be able to do this together, after school activities and celebrations thst you both would want to attend,

Rather this way than all the fighting over who's going or not,
Also when other partners come along hopefully they can see how balanced and civil you both have made your separation for the sake of the children,

I was super close to my in-laws so for me and children this was lovely as we all could keep the relationship with them too, good luck op in what you choose but remember your children are learning from this,
There birthdays, Xmas, lots of times you may need to see each so why not make it comfortable

I don't think it's at all comparable to doing stuff for the children though? Nothing indicates that they will have issues in future attending events for the children but it does blur the lines when you start trying to play happy families at events not involving the children.

InMyShowgirlEra · 08/09/2025 16:06

It's a no from me. I think it's confusing for the children and creates messy boundaries that get messier still when a new partner enters the scene. Start as you mean to go on- you're no longer a family unit and will need to build separate lives and separate celebrations.

Having said that, some families do it and apparently make it work, at least for a while. They tend to enjoy putting smug posts of Mum, Dad, Stepmum and Stepdad with the kids of all of the above on SM to let everyone know that they're better than the rest of us with their massive happy Frankenstein family.

MonsterBoo · 08/09/2025 17:03

You are not a family.

purpleygrey · 08/09/2025 17:07

You couldn’t pay me enough money in the world to even consider this.

TreeDudette · 08/09/2025 17:08

Yuck, no thanks. Had one meal with my exH after we split because DD asked and it was awful and uncomfortable (and ours was a pretty amicable divorce). Now I much prefer to avoid him at all costs.

Minnie798 · 08/09/2025 17:09

I think it depends on how amicable the separation was and whether you are on good terms.
Also relevant is whether one of you is hoping for a reconciliation that isn't going to happen.

JustForYouMyDear · 08/09/2025 17:11

No from me too, fair enough for child related stuff, but no friggin way on my birthday.

Elektra1 · 08/09/2025 18:29

On our DD’s birthday, my ex and I take her out for dinner together. It’s become a little tradition. We also do things regularly together on other days. On my own birthday, much as I would like some adult company, I think it would be really weird to ask my ex to join us.

cloudtreecarpet · 08/09/2025 19:27

Agree not on your birthday - or his for that matter.
Yes for kids' birthdays if you are civil & amicable & possibly cousins/grandparents if you all get on with each others families.
But there is something more intimate really about your birthday that makes it different & I think it will confuse the kids. Most kids want their parents back together & you don't want to give them false hope.

If you feel you want him there, maybe spend time examining why that is & work on that but I would say don't do actually do it.

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 09/09/2025 06:42

Catonamoon · 08/09/2025 12:41

Together with your ex or do you mean just you and your DC?

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Ex and dc

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