Partner always checks out other women

[Jaynexxx]

Okay, so I know it’s normal for men to find women attractive and they don’t just stop because they’re in a relationship, but my other half keeps looking when he notices someone attractive. It’s so noticeable and it really bothers me. It’s got to the point where neither one of us wants to go out together because it bothers me and he knows it bothers me. It’s like once he spots someone attractive (which is every where we go - a mam in the park/a young woman in the airport) but it seems excessive and like he’s constantly on the look out and then fixates on them. But to him it’s just a me problem. He says he has eyes and is allowed to look. I get that, but do it respectfully. He also thinks it’s fine to check out a woman’s ass if it looks good and it’s in his vision. But I find it hurtful and disrespectful. Surely he should divert his attention like I see so many other men do ? What are your views?

He needs to realise that for many women this sort of eyes out on stalks of men is often unwelcome and gross.

F

I think you should find a partner who respects you.

He thinks he is entitled to ogle other women. He doesn't think he is doing anything wrong. And the icing on the cake for him is he knows it upsets you and he is chipping away at your self esteem.

He won't change. So why put up with this disgusting behaviour?

Look but don’t stare, most of us have an involuntary “god they’re hot” split second then we move on, anything other than that is being weird

it would bother me more that my partner was “pervy” rather than him being attracted to other women

It’s got to the point where neither one of us wants to go out together because it bothers me and he knows it bothers me.

I missed this when i first read your post.
Is this part of his strategy? You no longer want to go out with him because of his misogynistic behaviour so does he go out by himself, leaving him free to pursue other women?

He has a choice doesn't he. Either the relationship with you is more important to him Than looking at random other women or its not.

I think you're worth more than a man that's struggling with that decision. It's likely this is also the tip of the iceberg with regards to the entitlement he feels and how he objectifies women.

I couldn’t be bothered with that. Life is too short to not go out together because of partner’s insecurity.

I look at attractive women and men. And i’ll quietly tell him, sometimes - wow look at those abs, etc. My bf would sometimes tell me - jokingly - ‘calm down’.
We are both quite sexual, and seeing other people as attractive is normal and healthy.

Does not affect our relationship. We both love our sex life and I am not about to run off to chase the attractive abs.

It all does come down to how you feel about yourself and how secure you feel in a relationship.

Grim. His lack of self control would make me see him as a teenage boy - I'd stop finding him attractive.

You don't have to put up with this, OP.

There are a certain amount of seconds (1?) that you can look at someone you find attractive without looking away - otherwise you are just creepy. Women can always tell when someone looks at them that tad amount too long and it makes them uncomfortable. I wouldn't want to be with someone that could potentially be making other women feel uncomfortable, not even to mention that you've asked him to stop but he cares so little that he won't.

I truly hate the oglers, it's really inappropriate and it feels threatening. Thank god I'm older, so I rarely get this now, but when I was younger, it was daily and really invasive. I would immediately clock every likely ogler when getting into the bus and determinedly make sure not to catch their gaze.

That constant alertness and evasive action-taking are part of the invisible labour that women have to expend just to get through their day safely. Men never have to worry about this.

It's not a fucking compliment to be stared at.

I would never stay with someone who stared obviously at women.

Yeah unfortunately we aren’t in the same position as you and your partner when it comes to our sex life, he rarely wants it. So yeah, I’m not very secure in our relationship. But he doesn’t see my point of view and instead pretty much blames me for everything.

I pretty much do view him as that. The way I feel about him has definitely changed.

What keeps you with him? He really isn't sounding great from what you've put here.

Why do you have so little self-respect as to stay with a man who checks out other women when he is with you?

Well - if sex is important to you - bad/infrequent sex would be a deal breaker for me in a relationship. And being blamed for everything.

Why are you with him - 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

This is really not nice, if you notice the women he is ogling will notice too.

Everyone looks but no need to anyone else to know.

We have a young child together and own a home together, which both make it a bit more difficult for me to walk away. I also can’t help but love him and hold on to the good in our relationship. He is good to me in other ways and can be kind and loving, but isn’t bothered about sex, and yes, he tends to blame me for most things.

I don’t know. I speak out because I want respect but then get told I’m insecure by him and his mam/sister, so they make it feel it’s more my problem than him doing anything wrong. Which is why I wanted other peoples views on it in case it was just me.

He kind be kind, generous and loving. But not loving in the way I want him to be. We have a child together and own a home together, so a break up wouldn’t be easy

Oh, but life can be so much better.
Imagine 20 years from now.
This person won't make you happy, he needs setting free. You aren't happy and he us disrespectful.

I think this is the key here.

It's not that he's noticing other women, it's that he's being a creep in how he does it.

I'd point out that if you notice it, they might also notice it and that that type of behaviour makes women feel uncomfortable and I'd tell him directly it makes him look like a creep and he needs to stop.

You have a young child together so it's his job to actively demonstrate to that child a) how men are meant to act and how women are meant to be treated and b) if they are a female child what their worth is.

If you had a female child I'd ask him how cool he is with someone leering over her when she's just trying to go about her day and how he would react if they told him sure I have eyes I'm allowed to look and she has a nice bum in their line of vision.

If he wouldn't like it then he doesn't get to perpetuate harmful behaviours.

This would be such a turn off.

If he's staring at other women, it's creepy and intrusive. Ask him if he wants people to think he's a creepy perv?

Why are his mam and sister involved in your disagreement with your spouse?

Women can internalise misogyny too unfortunately

My partner is the same as yours op.
I find it extremely hurtful and we rarely have sex.
He has cheated in the past on me.
Unfortunately if he disrespectful to do this then he could possibly cheat too.
You've explained it hurts you.
Start posting sexy pics of your self on social media,see if he likes that

Also just to say, my stbxh was like this when we had our first baby and he didn't want it much because he was getting it elsewhere. If this is how he behaves in front of you I'd worry about how he behaves behind your back and I personally would do a bit of digging in his phone etc.