I’m looking for some perspective on dating!
Bit of context, I was in a relationship with someone I met very early on at university, we didn’t really “date,” we just fell into being together. We were together for most of our 20s until he broke up with me. I was devastated and didn’t date for a long time, instead throwing myself into work, life etc.
When I eventually felt ready again, I started dating, mostly online, but sometimes people I meet in real life too. It’s been 10 years+ now, and I’d guess I’ve gone out with close to 100 people. Usually I’ll go on 2–4 dates with someone, but I just haven’t really felt anything for anyone. It just seems to fizzle out, mainly me losing interest, not wanting to pursue things.
My question is: should I be feeling something by the 3rd or 4th date? Is it unrealistic to expect sparks or a strong connection early on, or does it sometimes take much longer to develop? I worry that maybe I’m being too quick to decide it’s not there, but at the same time I don’t want to waste someone’s time if I don’t feel it. There's also been a part of me that's worried that I'll end up settling.
Has anyone else experienced this? Did you eventually find someone where it clicked, or did you learn to build feelings more gradually? It's really getting me down...