Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

TMI Sex help/advice required!

51 replies

Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 02:00

Hi all, new here and I’m hitting you all with a bit of a stinker. I’ve got a dilemma, well not so much a dilemma more of a concern. I was with my ex for over 20 years. We split up. I didn’t have sex for two years, didn’t have the time. I then met a lovely guy, we spent lots of time together, got on well, ended up having sex and I bled. I was mortified. I didn’t realise I was bleeding until he mentioned it. Honestly I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. The sex was spontaneous and not much foreplay was had so I assumed it was a tear. I kind of distanced myself from this guy but we have recently started meeting up again. I know we will end up having sex again and I am petrified that I may end up in the same situation again. I’m up to date with my smears and not long ago had an ultrasound on my uterus which came back clear. Anyone else had this happen after a period of celibacy? Sorry for oversharing guys, just want to know if someone else has had this happen 🤦🏼‍♀️ Thanks ☺️

OP posts:
trogtrogtrog · 31/08/2025 02:05

Could be cervical ectropion?

Original poster
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 02:08

trogtrogtrog · 31/08/2025 02:05

Could be cervical ectropion?

Thanks for your reply, I’ll look into it.

OP posts:
TheWalkingEyebag · 31/08/2025 02:24

Yes, as PP mentioned, it could be a cervical ectropian. I’ve had them twice and bleeding during sex was the main symptom. They’re annoying but pretty harmless and easy to treat. It could also be dryness, possibly?

Original poster
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 02:40

TheWalkingEyebag · 31/08/2025 02:24

Yes, as PP mentioned, it could be a cervical ectropian. I’ve had them twice and bleeding during sex was the main symptom. They’re annoying but pretty harmless and easy to treat. It could also be dryness, possibly?

There was literally no foreplay so dryness was a contributing factor I think. I am totally overthinking it now. I am dreading having sex again in case it happens and I am left mortified again. This single life is tough 🤣

OP posts:
bloodymary2025 · 31/08/2025 02:41

You've got nothing to be embarrassed about - he should be embarrassed he failed to deliver for play and caused the issue. Massive failure for him.

EBearhug · 31/08/2025 02:45

If you were with your ex for 20 years, I would assume you are of an age to be in peri, if not actually menopausal, which can thin the skin (vaginal atrophy, bit it's got a new name I don't remember,) so that's a possibility.

Original poster
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 02:50

bloodymary2025 · 31/08/2025 02:41

You've got nothing to be embarrassed about - he should be embarrassed he failed to deliver for play and caused the issue. Massive failure for him.

Yeah, lovely guy but technique is somewhat lacking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 02:54

EBearhug · 31/08/2025 02:45

If you were with your ex for 20 years, I would assume you are of an age to be in peri, if not actually menopausal, which can thin the skin (vaginal atrophy, bit it's got a new name I don't remember,) so that's a possibility.

Yes unfortunately I am of that age. I went through menopause early. Haven’t had a period for 18 month. I did wonder if that could have something to do with it.

OP posts:
BreakingBroken · 31/08/2025 02:55

I agree with peri changes.
Lube can be fun vs embarrassing. .

EBearhug · 31/08/2025 02:55

Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 02:54

Yes unfortunately I am of that age. I went through menopause early. Haven’t had a period for 18 month. I did wonder if that could have something to do with it.

Show quote history

HRT could help then (apparently- I'm not on it so far.)

Original poster
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 03:01

BreakingBroken · 31/08/2025 02:55

I agree with peri changes.
Lube can be fun vs embarrassing. .

Lube might be my new best friend 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 03:03

EBearhug · 31/08/2025 02:55

HRT could help then (apparently- I'm not on it so far.)

Show quote history

Yeah it is supposed to help but I can’t take it due to other medication I am on 😩 I would have went on it a while ago when the hot flushes were kicking my arse but I was advised against it.

OP posts:
BabyCatFace · 31/08/2025 04:42

Bleeding sometimes happens - it's not something to be mortified about. I assume you were using a condom so it would have been minimally messy for him to deal with just with a bit of tissue. Any man who gets squeamish about a bit of blood is not one you want to be having sex with - good sex is messy and involves body fluids and men are very quick to expect women to handle their bodily excretions so being grossed out by ours is a big turn off. (I'm not saying they should all be happy with period sex - that's not what I mean, but the occasional unexpected bit of blood is normal!)
Are you sure you want to have sex with this dud again? No foreplay? Doesn't sound great...

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/08/2025 06:51

A small amount of blood or the kind that could be mistaken for a period?

If the latter and you're menopausal you really need to get that checked out.

If not and you suspect lack of lubrication, I think (if you even want to keep dating him after his shit performance) you need to let him know, before next time, that your body needs a bit more warming up before the main act. Both from a health perspective and for your own satisfaction!

Onwardspeople · 31/08/2025 06:54

Did you want to have sex, with absolutely no foreplay? Did he really just….go for it?
If so, I would bleed too. And it would hurt!

PermanentTemporary · 31/08/2025 06:59

Sorry you felt mortified. Ask yourself why he DIDNT feel that way. If I’d been so rough with a guy that his penis bled, I’d be the one feeling upset.

If you genuinely want to have sex with this man - and let me tell you, the whole point of having sex in my 50s with age appropriate men is finding that substantially more of them really knew what they were doing, and that there were as many of them out there as I wanted - then you need to take charge a bit more. Invest in some really nice lube - my favourite is Yes, lovehoney sell it. Stop him if he’s going anywhere you don’t want him to go yet. Take his hand and squeeze some lube into it. Ask for what you like.

If course if he turns out not to be very good at ‘foreplay’ (ie not good at sex) you might decide not to see him again.

Original poster
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 08:48

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/08/2025 06:51

A small amount of blood or the kind that could be mistaken for a period?

If the latter and you're menopausal you really need to get that checked out.

If not and you suspect lack of lubrication, I think (if you even want to keep dating him after his shit performance) you need to let him know, before next time, that your body needs a bit more warming up before the main act. Both from a health perspective and for your own satisfaction!

It was a noticeable amount but not to be mistaken for a period. I am going to have to speak with him, although now after reading all the comments on this thread I am wondering if I should just move on and not put myself through this stress again. Thanks for your comment ☺️

OP posts:
Perfect28 · 31/08/2025 08:50

Life is too short to have sex with a man who doesn't engage in foreplay. Ditch him!

Original poster
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 08:54

BabyCatFace · 31/08/2025 04:42

Bleeding sometimes happens - it's not something to be mortified about. I assume you were using a condom so it would have been minimally messy for him to deal with just with a bit of tissue. Any man who gets squeamish about a bit of blood is not one you want to be having sex with - good sex is messy and involves body fluids and men are very quick to expect women to handle their bodily excretions so being grossed out by ours is a big turn off. (I'm not saying they should all be happy with period sex - that's not what I mean, but the occasional unexpected bit of blood is normal!)
Are you sure you want to have sex with this dud again? No foreplay? Doesn't sound great...

I think I was so mortified because it was my first time with him and my first time with someone after my relationship ended. To be fair to him, he didn’t make me feel I should be embarrassed. He just said oh no you’re bleeding. I mentioned it to him afterwards and said I was so embarrassed and he said there was no need as it happens and it didn’t change how much he enjoyed spending that time with me. I do wonder though if I should just walk away from this. It’s inconsiderate to not take time with foreplay, quite selfish really. Thanks for your comment. My eyes are being well and truly opened.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 08:58

Onwardspeople · 31/08/2025 06:54

Did you want to have sex, with absolutely no foreplay? Did he really just….go for it?
If so, I would bleed too. And it would hurt!

He really did just go for it. I think he was caught up in the moment. I was completely blindsided. I should have said something, I could kick myself because now I’m nervous about being intimate with someone again.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 31/08/2025 10:21

If I otherwise liked him, I'd probably give him a second chance and mention foreplay first. But he'd definitely not last beyond two sessions if that message wasn't heeded.

Original poster
Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 11:39

EBearhug · 31/08/2025 10:21

If I otherwise liked him, I'd probably give him a second chance and mention foreplay first. But he'd definitely not last beyond two sessions if that message wasn't heeded.

I will give him one more chance. If the same thing happens then I will have to call time on it. He is a lovely guy, we are totally on the same wavelength but maybe not with the sex side of it. He is a lot younger than me so maybe inexperience is playing a part. I don’t know, we will just have to see what happens.

OP posts:
rocketrabbit · 31/08/2025 12:28

Pinkfuzzyoctopus · 31/08/2025 03:03

Yeah it is supposed to help but I can’t take it due to other medication I am on 😩 I would have went on it a while ago when the hot flushes were kicking my arse but I was advised against it.

Show quote history

You might still be able to use vaginal oestrogen - this is separate to the oestrogen patches. You can get it OTC at a pharmacy now or from the gp on prescription.

Loubylie · 31/08/2025 12:33

rocketrabbit · 31/08/2025 12:28

You might still be able to use vaginal oestrogen - this is separate to the oestrogen patches. You can get it OTC at a pharmacy now or from the gp on prescription.

Show quote history

Agree with this. Ask your GP if Vagirux that would be okay with your other meds.

PolyCat · 31/08/2025 12:41

Just throwing another opinion out there: I nearly always need lube and I’m in my 30s! Doesn’t matter how much foreplay- I’m naturally on the dry side.
it is possible that with perimenopausal issues discussed above, that’s just your natural state as well.
TMI but I have a tiny bottle of lube I have in my purse if I even remotely suspect something spicy happening 🙈