Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's created. I'm hurt but I'm strong

29 replies

Bumblebeegreen · 29/08/2025 23:00

This evening I've been sent an anonymous message via social media with evidence that my partner of 11 months has cheated on me.

I'm going to condense this as much as possible but I have had my suspicious which I have not told him about and I have just sat back and watched what he says and does the last 4 weeks or so and he has contradicted himself twice , again ive said nothing as I felt I needed proof, actually I said something once and he massively gaslit me.

I was blindsided at the time but I have known deep down this will have to end this eventually as I can't trust him. I was processing so to speak.

Fast forward to this evening I have had an anonymous msg via social media from a man who has sent screenshots to proof my partner and his have been having an affair .

He said he will not tell either of them he has told me to give me time to process.

I've already made my decision it is over. No going back for me. The trust has completely gone and it will never be the same relationship again.
Apart from all of that I feel sick at the thought of seeing his face ever again let alone him touching me or sharing the same bed

My small dilemma and something I need advice on is my next step

So this evening he is out with friends.
We Do not live together, I am due to see him tomorrow.
In any other set up I would block, delete move on. Maybe tell them first via txt msg that I know what I know and that be it.

This is where it gets complicated, he is my neighbour and lives 3 doors down from me
I know , I know stupid of me !!

So the usually block delete may not work as he's going to see me in our street he is also likely to knock on my door.

I live in a small village

I'm not alone I have family and friends in the nxt town, but I also don't wnat to feel I have to run away and never go out in my village ever again!

Any advice welcome please.
I need to hatch my plan before tomorrow morning when I know he will be messaging his usual txts about seeing me tomorrow daytime

This is our usual routine so I know he will contact me , late morning at the latest

Shall I block now? What should I do??

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumblebeegreen · 29/08/2025 23:02

Apologies for the typos. I am filled with adrenaline right now!!

OP posts:
NormasArse · 29/08/2025 23:04

Just do what you said, and don’t engage. You deserve much better than a cheating skank.

Original poster
Bumblebeegreen · 29/08/2025 23:04

He's cheated! Not created!! How do I change the title please??

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumblebeegreen · 29/08/2025 23:05

NormasArse · 29/08/2025 23:04

Just do what you said, and don’t engage. You deserve much better than a cheating skank.

Thank you so much for replying. . I can't even contact my friends or sister atm as everyone has children and will be asleep!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumblebeegreen · 29/08/2025 23:06

I doubt I'll get any sleep tonight my head is racing

OP posts:
PrincessOfPreschool · 29/08/2025 23:09

I would do what you said then maybe stay at your family's for the weekend. Next week just smile if you see him in the street and be icy polite if he speaks to you as your would to anyone else in the village. Don't give him the satisfaction of drama, blocking etc. Ignore any messages from him and do not allow yourself to reply to anything.

Diarygirlqueen · 29/08/2025 23:09

Why are there so many bad men around atm!!

Sorry OP, i think your initial reaction of blocking and deleting is right. You deserve much better than this ass.

bowchicawowwow · 29/08/2025 23:09

Bearing in mind he lives on your doorstep I’d just dump him with a vague reason to avoid a big showdown and then just stay out the way for a couple days.

Jk987 · 29/08/2025 23:10

Definitely tell him that you know. You deserve the satisfaction of exposing him. Don’t just block him. Then say you’re not available and go and stay with family for a few days. You already know you’re well rid of him. You’re supposed to be in the honeymoon phase and he’s doing this!

DiscoBob · 29/08/2025 23:11

Just totally ignore him. Dump him by text and block. If he comes to your door tell him to go away and not come back. If he harasses you tell him you'll contact the police.

ItsHellOrHighwater · 29/08/2025 23:11

You’ve only been with him 5 minutes really and don’t live together, so no need to over complicate things. Tell him you know he’s cheated and aren't interested in speaking to him.

BeastAngelMadwoman · 29/08/2025 23:12

If he contacts you in the morning, I'd sent a short reply saying you have no desire to see him and then do not engage with him at all.

So sorry to hear this OP- sending hugs

Daisy12Maisie · 29/08/2025 23:16

If you just block him he might knock on the door etc so it will cause drama.

I would send him one polite but factual text eg:
Hi. I am aware that you have been in a relationship with X. Even before this knowledge I think the relationship had run its course. I suggest we just don’t contact each other again.

Then delete and block.

The bit about the relationship having run its course is necessary in case he comes back and starts denying the affair. What he has to say is irrelevant now. Don’t get involved. One text then block.

someone else’s suggestion to stay with family for a little bit is a good one. Otherwise just try and stay out of his way.

Good luck. You will be fine.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 29/08/2025 23:17

Do you need to change your locks? If so, I’d do this first.

Original poster
Bumblebeegreen · 29/08/2025 23:24

Daisy12Maisie · 29/08/2025 23:16

If you just block him he might knock on the door etc so it will cause drama.

I would send him one polite but factual text eg:
Hi. I am aware that you have been in a relationship with X. Even before this knowledge I think the relationship had run its course. I suggest we just don’t contact each other again.

Then delete and block.

The bit about the relationship having run its course is necessary in case he comes back and starts denying the affair. What he has to say is irrelevant now. Don’t get involved. One text then block.

someone else’s suggestion to stay with family for a little bit is a good one. Otherwise just try and stay out of his way.

Good luck. You will be fine.

This is a great msgs thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumblebeegreen · 29/08/2025 23:24

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 29/08/2025 23:17

Do you need to change your locks? If so, I’d do this first.

I never gave him a key so no not needed, thanks

OP posts:
Rattatoille · 29/08/2025 23:36

@Bumblebeegreen
You rock ! Have very recently had the same problem, but have to face him in work, i'm just going to be polite but icy, he is just someone I used to know, as the song goes! What @PrincessOfPreschool said, she is spot on. Practice polite indifference. Flowers

Original poster
Bumblebeegreen · 29/08/2025 23:44

Rattatoille · 29/08/2025 23:36

@Bumblebeegreen
You rock ! Have very recently had the same problem, but have to face him in work, i'm just going to be polite but icy, he is just someone I used to know, as the song goes! What @PrincessOfPreschool said, she is spot on. Practice polite indifference. Flowers

So sorry to hear you have been through something similar, sending big hugs
What is wrong with them honestly?!
He was telling me how much he loves me this morning

OP posts:
Velmy · 29/08/2025 23:44

If I was feeling prickly I'd message him tonight and tank his evening. But if he's been on the drink the last this you want is him on your doorstep wanting to talk.

Do you have any of his stuff? If so bag it up, leave it on his doorstep in the morning and message him as others have said.

Sandyshandy · 29/08/2025 23:50

‘Hi. I’ve been doing some thinking recently and I really don’t see a future for us. We had fun at the start but I don’t really feel any spark between us. I think it’s best that we call it a day now. Bumble’

Dent the weasels ego by dumping him because he’s not good enough for you.

FollowSpot · 29/08/2025 23:51

Ugh, what a weasel. Sorry you are going through this OP

Yeah, good message as above. Maybe add ‘we need to be civil as near neighbours so I hope you will accept this without further ado’

Send in the morning.

statetrooperstacey · 30/08/2025 04:30

I’m with sandy shandy, don’t tell him you know , just tell him you’ve not been feeling it lately , you wish him well, goodbye. 👋 f you really want to stick the knife in you could say you were sexually incompatible , no more detail, just make him twitchy😂 or you just couldn’t get past his skinny arms , just sow a seed of doubt in there to crush his ego. If you tell him it’s over because he cheated he will try and deny/ talk you round, also it’s kind of face saving for him if he can tell his mates you ditched him because he’s a shagger, take that option off the fucker.

Mondaybluez · 30/08/2025 07:34

I'm so sorry OP.

I'd message him informing him that you know what's been going on. Tell him to leave you alone and block and delete. That way if he turns up at your house etc it's essentially harassment...

Your heart and head must be hurting right now and I'm sorry

Messyandconceited · 30/08/2025 07:56

statetrooperstacey · 30/08/2025 04:30

I’m with sandy shandy, don’t tell him you know , just tell him you’ve not been feeling it lately , you wish him well, goodbye. 👋 f you really want to stick the knife in you could say you were sexually incompatible , no more detail, just make him twitchy😂 or you just couldn’t get past his skinny arms , just sow a seed of doubt in there to crush his ego. If you tell him it’s over because he cheated he will try and deny/ talk you round, also it’s kind of face saving for him if he can tell his mates you ditched him because he’s a shagger, take that option off the fucker.

This is exactly what I would do, dent the fuckers ego and leave him with the self doubt that will create, very much a taste of his own medicine! I would want to walk away with my head held high and dumping him for reasons other than his cheating (as far as he knows at least) would be my preferred way of doing that. I'm sorry he turned out to be a cunt OP, you clearly deserve much better, you sound awesome Flowers

PigletSanders · 30/08/2025 08:48

Sandyshandy · 29/08/2025 23:50

‘Hi. I’ve been doing some thinking recently and I really don’t see a future for us. We had fun at the start but I don’t really feel any spark between us. I think it’s best that we call it a day now. Bumble’

Dent the weasels ego by dumping him because he’s not good enough for you.

No, the cheating piece of shit deserves to know he has been found out. He doesn’t need to know how or when, just that he’s not as clever as he thinks, and while he’s been fucking around, he’s lost a good and valuable relationship.

One swift message, no emotion and block. And getting away for a few days will create distance and resilience for you, which will arm you against the invariable door stepping he’ll do when you’re home.

That will be much easier to deal with if you can coolly say “please leave my property or I’ll call the police” and mean it.