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Original poster

Should I wait a little longer

56 replies

Magicnestdream · 29/08/2025 22:46

I was on a long train journey last week, around 2.5 hours. Carriage over crowded and few people moving seats.
A guy ended up sitting next to me and started chatting. General stuff really, work, weekends, what id been doing in London that day as I mentioned I lived out the area etc etc.
A few occasions when I excused myself to answer my phone or go to the bathroom, he continued conversation and even turned his phone down and suggested ' work can wait' so we could continue chatting.
He asked a bit about me and seemed genuinely interested.
I'm divorced as a few months ago and just felt a lovely energy from this guy. Nothing flirty just a really nice chat for 2 hours or so and quite refreshing given most people are heads down in phones or have earphones .
Ive never asked for someone's number so didn't when I left but wish I did. He didn't ask for mine.

He made a point before I left the train telling me his company name though and even spelt it (it's quite unusual and could be spelt multiple ways)
Anyway I found his company and didn't know his name or anything but worked it out to send a message on LinkedIn to say thanks for the chat and you know where to find me. Short and sweet.
He replied a couple of days later after bank holiday with a lovely upbeat message saying how nice it was to meet and a couple of questions about my weekend. He even remembered something quite specific about my weekend so showed he was listening!)
Didn't ask for my number so maybe just being polite but he did message back.
I left it until later that day to repy, again something quite short but friendly. Replied to his qs about the wkend.
I mentioned on reflection I should have asked for his number and if he wanted to carry on chatting or kill another train journey/ grab a coffee next time he's in the area here was my number...quite light hearted.
That was Tues and nothing since tho he did take 3 days to reply to first message.
So being really new to all 'this' , could he be interested? why message at all if he's not bothered ? If not was I too forward? Just felt brave for once. I've had cancer 3 years ago and just reflected life's too short to not make the effort in meeting people..even as friends.

Advice welcome for someone finding their feet. I just felt it was a bit of a sliding doors moment especially as it's not my usual train route, id moved trains, and train was late and we ended up moving seats. And he started the conversation.
One friend said to send a follow up message but saying what ? Should I apologise for being too forward? Maybe he's shy? If he's not bothered I'm ok with that but would be nice to know either way. Weird to bother replying initially if to then go silent.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2025 23:55

You’ve put your cards on table. I think hes taken or doesn’t fancy you

HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 00:13

I'd leave it, honestly imo if he was interested he would have asked for your number on the train.

HoneyBlossoms · 30/08/2025 00:14

And definitely don't double text

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 30/08/2025 00:34

Sorry but if he wanted your number he would've asked you for it and offered his.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 30/08/2025 01:33

Oh OP, sounds as if he isn’t the one for you. But well done for taking the initiative. I agree 100%, life's too short to not make the effort in meeting people. You’ve given yourself a bit of practice, and obviously have the social skills to keep a conversation flowing for two hours.

Cancer and divorce have been two nasty blows in quick succession, so I admire your strength in getting out there and trying to build the better life that you deserve. That is the best way forward. I wish you good luck, good times and good health xx

Willweeverfindout · 30/08/2025 01:36

I’d just ask him out for a drink via LinkedIn. Nothing to lose. All to gain. Don’t overthink it.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/08/2025 04:53

Willweeverfindout · 30/08/2025 01:36

I’d just ask him out for a drink via LinkedIn. Nothing to lose. All to gain. Don’t overthink it.

Well she's given him her number and asked if he ever fancies a coffee to get in touch...he hasn't. I wouldn't be asking again

Original poster
Magicnestdream · 30/08/2025 07:07

Thanks everyone, yes I guessed if he really wanted to make contact then he would/ could.
Just puzzles me why bother making the effort to talk in the first place or reply at all to my first message?
Or if he's not interested why not just say that?
I don't think I've ever ignored someone's message/ blocked/ ghosted them.
If he said thanks but no thanks, that's also fine
But as they say no response IS a response!
All I would add is when we for chatting I know he's a CEO who travels a lot and perhaps linked in isn't used as frequently as other messaging apps...but even so if he was keen he would have checked I guess.

LeftieRightsHoarder Thanks for the encouragement. It did take a lot for me to ask and isn't something I'd have ever done before. I normally wait to be asked. Feeling positive though still!

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 30/08/2025 07:10

If he wants to contact you again or take this further he will. You’ve made the first move and now the ball is in his court. You can’t change what will happen. You just have to wait and see.

Original poster
Magicnestdream · 30/08/2025 07:10

Willweeverfindout
I had hoped my " would love to continue the chat, have a coffee...' was enough for him to realise I would have like to have met up. Maybe not direct enough but didn't want to scare him off.
This is all.new to me.!

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 30/08/2025 07:17

I suppose he might message at the weekend if he’s busy in the week but I’d try not to dwell on it. If he does great, if he doesn’t then at least you made the effort. You’d probably feel worse with the what if’s if you hadn’t

DaisyChain505 · 30/08/2025 07:22

Magicnestdream · 30/08/2025 07:10

Willweeverfindout
I had hoped my " would love to continue the chat, have a coffee...' was enough for him to realise I would have like to have met up. Maybe not direct enough but didn't want to scare him off.
This is all.new to me.!

Of course that’s direct enough and if he wants to take you up on the offer he will but he may not.

If anything just see this as a lovely reminder that there’s plenty of people out there that you will click with and see the excitement in the possibilities for the future.

Original poster
Magicnestdream · 30/08/2025 07:26

@liveforsummer Yea totally that. I kicked myself I didn't ask for his number hence I least had his company name for try and find him. Just had one of those what if I don't make contact and he was looking for me.... Well clearly he wasn't but least I know I did try!

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 30/08/2025 07:38

The fact he gave you his company name and spelled it out for you - I would have taken that as encouragement, as he's made himself findable, so I don't blame you for following up. He's obviously a sociable bloke who finds it easy to chat to strangers, but I wonder if this means he talks to lots of random women on his trips, and would this become annoying if he was in a relationship with me?

I wouldn't message further as the ball is now in his court. I hope you don't get disappointed by him, but the fact he takes days to respond is not a great sign. I'm not sure he's looking for anything more than that initial chat.

Well done you though for having the confidence after divorce to get chatting to someone. You sound like a nice person OP.

Original poster
Magicnestdream · 30/08/2025 07:44

@SparklyGlitterballs Thankyou that's a lovely message. Id like to think I'm a nice person, probably overthink a little hence I'm in this position!

Yes I did wonder if he chats to lots of people, to be fair I'm quite sociable and will make the effort but maybe that's why he's not replied if he chats to all.

But like you said the fact he spelled our his company name made me wonder why bother . Maybe he was shy to give his number in front of a packed train carriage.
It had been a great day as I'd been to London to film about my breast cancer story which was hugely positive, so when I made my train on time and then had this lovely conversation just felt things may be turning a corner for me.
However a divorced mum, and cancer survivor may not be that appealing!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Magicnestdream · 30/08/2025 07:46

To add, when we were speaking he said he had no children and didn't mention a partner or "we" on conversation so took that he was single. Maybe not and I've made it awkward but surely then would be better to say especially if he doesn't want to chat further?

OP posts:
YodasHairyButt · 30/08/2025 07:50

I suspect he isn’t single and was just enjoying your company on the day. If he wants to contact you, he will. If he’s confident enough to strike up a conversation with a stranger, he wouldn’t be shy about exchanging numbers or following up. Chalk it up to a pleasant interaction with an interesting person and move on.

AhBiscuits · 30/08/2025 07:53

I imagine he has a partner. You've done nothing wrong so don't worry about that, but leave it now.
With the right man it's relaxed and easy. You won't frighten them off by suggesting a coffee. There is an idea that you need to treat men like frightened deer, and you need to move very slowly or they'll spook and bolt. With the right one you can be relaxed and speak freely. If you can't do that then move on.

Empress13 · 30/08/2025 08:04

He could be married or have partner? I’d personally leave it and see if he contacts you again. I believe in fate if it’s meant to happen it will . Good luck and yes life is too short not to take risks and go for something you want!

ormiwtbte · 30/08/2025 08:06

One friend said to send a follow up message but saying what ?

There's always one friend who says things like that. He's not interested I'm afraid. Your message was direct enough and leaves no room for interpretation so if he was interested he would have arranged a time to meet for coffee or continued the conversation by message for a bit and then asked you out. But he hasn't so that's the end of it.

You are overthinking it and thinking up reasons why, such as he's busy, he was too shy on the train to ask for your number etc.

Could be in a relationship, could be single but doesn't want a relationship, might chat to everyone on trains, could be gay etcetc.

However, it should give you confidence moving forward after your divorce and breast cancer journey that you can chat to people and ask them if they want to go for coffee.

All the best OP!

Original poster
Magicnestdream · 30/08/2025 08:06

Thanks all, feel a little bit stupid I may have got this so wrong. Normally a good judge of characters and situations...!
Well least I don't need to wonder "what if" and as they say you will regret something more if you didn't do it more than if you do it...

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 30/08/2025 08:08

@Magicnestdream i think you dealt with it well . I would not however do a follow up message .
You say you would like to know either way if he is interested . If you hear back then you may have your answer if not then that’s that .
Id be cautious as he maybe never gave you his number as he has a partner .
If he was to continue as you are and not by mobile then I think that would be a red flag .

Euphesia · 30/08/2025 08:08

Magicnestdream · 30/08/2025 07:07

Thanks everyone, yes I guessed if he really wanted to make contact then he would/ could.
Just puzzles me why bother making the effort to talk in the first place or reply at all to my first message?
Or if he's not interested why not just say that?
I don't think I've ever ignored someone's message/ blocked/ ghosted them.
If he said thanks but no thanks, that's also fine
But as they say no response IS a response!
All I would add is when we for chatting I know he's a CEO who travels a lot and perhaps linked in isn't used as frequently as other messaging apps...but even so if he was keen he would have checked I guess.

LeftieRightsHoarder Thanks for the encouragement. It did take a lot for me to ask and isn't something I'd have ever done before. I normally wait to be asked. Feeling positive though still!

People do chat in trains (and other places)and a chat is just that. It doesn't need to be anything more.

Iamfree · 30/08/2025 08:13

I’ll echo others - please leave it now. If he was interested he would have sent you a quick hello on WhatsApp to move the conversation from LinkedIn

Pushandpull25 · 30/08/2025 08:15

@Magicnestdream I agree with other posters. Possibly taken or not interested in anything more. You say he may have been shy to ask for your number but he doesn’t sound shy? At least you don’t have a “what if” like you say, but please don’t follow up or contact him again if he hasn’t replied. He could have just been a chatty guy.

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