Should I wait a little longer

[Magicnestdream]

I was on a long train journey last week, around 2.5 hours. Carriage over crowded and few people moving seats.
A guy ended up sitting next to me and started chatting. General stuff really, work, weekends, what id been doing in London that day as I mentioned I lived out the area etc etc.
A few occasions when I excused myself to answer my phone or go to the bathroom, he continued conversation and even turned his phone down and suggested ' work can wait' so we could continue chatting.
He asked a bit about me and seemed genuinely interested.
I'm divorced as a few months ago and just felt a lovely energy from this guy. Nothing flirty just a really nice chat for 2 hours or so and quite refreshing given most people are heads down in phones or have earphones .
Ive never asked for someone's number so didn't when I left but wish I did. He didn't ask for mine.

He made a point before I left the train telling me his company name though and even spelt it (it's quite unusual and could be spelt multiple ways)
Anyway I found his company and didn't know his name or anything but worked it out to send a message on LinkedIn to say thanks for the chat and you know where to find me. Short and sweet.
He replied a couple of days later after bank holiday with a lovely upbeat message saying how nice it was to meet and a couple of questions about my weekend. He even remembered something quite specific about my weekend so showed he was listening!)
Didn't ask for my number so maybe just being polite but he did message back.
I left it until later that day to repy, again something quite short but friendly. Replied to his qs about the wkend.
I mentioned on reflection I should have asked for his number and if he wanted to carry on chatting or kill another train journey/ grab a coffee next time he's in the area here was my number...quite light hearted.
That was Tues and nothing since tho he did take 3 days to reply to first message.
So being really new to all 'this' , could he be interested? why message at all if he's not bothered ? If not was I too forward? Just felt brave for once. I've had cancer 3 years ago and just reflected life's too short to not make the effort in meeting people..even as friends.

Advice welcome for someone finding their feet. I just felt it was a bit of a sliding doors moment especially as it's not my usual train route, id moved trains, and train was late and we ended up moving seats. And he started the conversation.
One friend said to send a follow up message but saying what ? Should I apologise for being too forward? Maybe he's shy? If he's not bothered I'm ok with that but would be nice to know either way. Weird to bother replying initially if to then go silent.

I think you’ve handled things perfectly on your end.

You’ve made sure there’s no lingering ‘what if…’ and have expressed your interest and been completely authentic.

There could be a million reasons why he doesn’t reply: he could be in a relationship, gay, maybe he’s just separated and so isn’t looking for anything right now, etc. None of these have anything to do with you, the way you handled the situation or your worth.

I disagree with your friend re: messaging again though. You’ve expressed your interest and left the ball in his corner. No need to double message!

Chatting on a long train journey isn’t that unusual, it doesn’t indicate someone is interested in you beyond passing the time. It’s a sad world where having a conversation is interpreted as something more - it might open a door but not necessarily. You’ve contacted him and made it clear you’d like to meet again, I’d leave it there and enjoy it for the pleasant chat on a boring journey that it was.

Don’t feel stupid. You’ve put yourself out there, been polite, there is nothing wrong with that. I would leave it now though.

Don’t feel stupid, you did absolutely nothing wrong. He may still be getting up the courage to phone you, but if not then you were entirely polite, appropriate ect and did nothing to be ashamed of. We’re taught as women we should never approach a man in case we’re turned down as if that’s some sort of terrible thing, but it’s far better to try than to regret what if.

Thankyou @AirborneElephant .
I just find it puzzling that if he genuinely doesn't want contact why not just say that and then we both know where we are.? Or why bother replying to my initial message at all.
Maybe it's my age but I would always reply to someone regardless.

And to clarify I wasn't necessarily looking for a relationship here, as I said, post cancer life's made me realise it's just good to meet and connect with people that's all. So a coffee and a chat even at friends level would have been nice.

You sent him a message on LinkedIn?! That is stalker behaviour. If a man had done that to a woman the replies would be so different.

@IMissSparkling That was the only way I had to contact him as we didn't swap numbers he just made a point of giving me his company name and spelling it.
Not sure one message is stalkerish?!

I'd be really freaked out if someone found me like this and started messaging me.

I don't think it's stalkerish at all. He replied with some questions about your weekend, so obviously didn't mind, he could have just ignored you.

@Ihavetoask He made a point of telling me his company name and even spelt it, why bother doing that if he didn't want me to make contact.
It was a short message of a couple of lines and he didn't have to reply to it! It was a very casual message

I might get chatting to someone and tell them about the work I do in maternity services in my area. If you know my area, then you could in theory look me up and find ways to contact me that I haven't given you. If someone did this purely for "social" reasons after a brief chat in public, I'd find it inappropriate. I would have given them the means to contact me if I expected or desired that level of contact with them. I'd never direct someone whom I had a romantic or sexual interest to find me through my professional profiles. I'd say that I am hotlipsSuzy on Insta and Snap.

I’ve met a few people on trains and chatted for hours. One man was lovely and we shook hands at the end which was sweet. I knew where he worked too but he had a wife and child and the conversation was purely platonic. I am a sociable chatty person so meet quite a few people on trains. I don’t think you did anything wrong, you took a chance and if he’s not interested / married then fair enough. I hate ghosting too, just reply and decline is the polite way to do it.

Definitely leave him be now, if he wants to message you he knows how to.

I don’t think there was anything wrong with the first message and fair play to you but 3 days to reply says he’s not interested or available romantically. I wouldn’t have followed up but again no big deal. Don’t send another message. Really with men it’s very simple .. if they are interested you will know. They will take the initiative.. always. You won’t be confused. If you are , they are not interested.. if you have to ask where is it going .. it’s going no where. It’s like they said in sex and the city .. there are no mixed messages

Would anyone really reply to a text from a near stranger to say "Look I was happy to chat a little but I'm not interested in keeping in touch". I honestly wouldn't. I would reply once or twice then just leave it.

You did absolutely nothing wrong here but it was just a bit of a social chat, not worth giving it this much headspace. You made your interest clear, he made his feelings just as clear by not picking up on the suggestion of coffee. He hasn't done anything wrong either.

Definitely not stalker-ish behaviour.

I did something similar years ago, when I was single. I got chatting to a guy on a bench, we had a really nice conversation but I only found out his first name and job. He had to go after a while as he was meeting his parents, but I regretted not swapping numbers. I was able to find him online quite easily and sent a message a couple of days later to his work email to say it was nice to meet him etc. He responded quickly saying that he was really glad I'd got in touch. It didn't end up going anywhere, but I never regretted doing it. Nothing ventured, etc.

It's possible that this guy is a slow responder and will still get back to you, but even if he doesn't, good on you for taking a risk.

@Magicnestdream you said that none of the train conversation was at all flirty and he was the one that started up the conversation. You also said he travelled a lot for work so my take on it is that he is not shy and possibly is bored much of the day given how frequently he travels and so he finds pleasure in breaking up those mundane moments anytime he finds himself sitting next to an amiable person.

Trust me when I say a guy capable of starting a conversation from scratch is more than capable of giving you his number and letting you know if he was romantically interested. I think he replied to your LinkedIn message because he’s the same nice guy he was on the train but again didn’t ask or offer up his own number. He probably hasn’t replied to your second message as he doesn’t want to give a negative reply. And I wouldn’t waste more time pondering it because his non response is your response.

It’s great you’ve had this nice interaction though and you did everything right in being proactive to see if there was anything there. Maybe behind the next door there will be! 😊

Op many moons ago my husband, well when I first met him in a pub spent all evening chatting, this was before mobile fones he asked were I worked, anyway end of night he said, see ya later, I took that as said, see ya later, but later was two weeks later, he rang my place of work and arranged to meet me, anyway I really did think he was interested with the ' see ya later' but when nearly two weeks passes, that was 40 years op,
So just watch this space you never know,

I think sending him a friendly message was a good idea. Leave it with him now. Maybe he’s busy or maybe he is not interested. Not a lot more you can do.

I remember meeting someone on a train years ago and we didn’t swap numbers but I still think about it as a missed chance all these years later!

I've been in a similar situation - only the chap was the one who looked me up and got emailed me apologizing for the 'stalkerish' behaviour. I didn't mention my partner during our initial chat (not consciously but it didn't come up), but I did slip it casually into my email response. We still have an occasional email exchange and it is pleasant. It is always nice to meet interesting people, and there doesn't have to be an agenda.

I suspect, in your situation, he likely has a partner. His reluctance is probably stemming from that. I would leave the ball in his court.

Not stalkerish in this situation.

leave it now OP but obviously update us if he does reply!

I would suggest not to send a follow up message.
If he is interested in you and wants a date he would get back to you.

I would say if he was keen on dating you he would of likely got your number on the train.

But I am old and dreary so what do I know.

A little update, train guy did respond after a few days!
He messaged me on my number rather than LinkedIn and apologised he'd been slow to respond.
He said when I was in London next he'd love to go for a coffee.

I've not replied yet but thought it was nice he did reply and a positive one at that.
I'm not on London very often but will definitely pop a message when I am.

This is lovely and fair play to you for taking the chance. Keep us updated!

Thankyou @Newname25 , although it was a brief message, actually made my day!

I'm not reading too much into it and as I said on my earlier posts just nice to meet and connect with new people even if no romantic feelings but will make the effort to meet up for a coffee when I can and maybe I'll guage more from another in person conversation!