Being ghosted is horrendous

[Floss9791]

After 4 months of exclusive dating I’ve been ghosted and it’s awful.

I just do not understand how anyone could be so cruel and hurtful, when outwardly he appeared to be the last person to do such a horrible thing, especially as he knew my ex husband cheated with one of my best friends and got her pregnant (years ago).

I’m cautious with men but he was kind, sweet, made breakfast in bed, checked in every single day and was caring and funny.
I admired the fact he had grown up daughters and openly expressed that he treated girls with the respect he would expect someone to treat his own children. He asked after my children and showed an active interest in all aspects of my life.

Out of the blue I have been ghosted. He has made no contact for 6 days and I am shocked, angry, crying all the time and feel utterly worthless.

I’ve replayed things over and over in my head trying to understand what I could possibly have done to deserve this or triggered such an abrupt end to all communication.

I have been really strong and not messaged him for an explanation, I know my worth deep down even though it’s hard to not self blame, I know if he had any shred of decency or care for me at all then he would contact me.

I have deleted all his photos and his number.

I can not contact him now even if I wanted to.

I am utterly broken.

I trusted him and I shouldn’t have.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is unfair and just cruel. I hope someday you get closure.

Assuming he has not had an accident or dead?

You're not utterly broken. It's only been 4 months. Ghosting is a terrible thing to do to someone. He's truly not worth your tears. Dust yourself off and best foot forward. Don't shed another tear over him. You have to be really ruthless and strict with yourself and put a time limit on wallowing.

Are you sure that there isn't a reasonable explanation? Family crisis, hospitalised etc

Why haven't you gone to his house and checked he's ok, or at the very least messaged and asked for an explanation?

Any sign that he read your messages even?

To be honest, from what you have said about him, I would be more concerned that something had happened to him more than anything else.

Why would you not check that he was okay at least?

Have you called him or gone round? I’d be concerned first after four months

I've a feeling a drip-feed is incoming.

Otherwise not contacting him to check he's ok is weird.

There rarely is unfortunately. They always make contact and it’s always with a lame excuse.

Can we assume you've done all the usual checking he's ok?
If so then yes what an idiot.

It’s strange to ghost someone you’re in an exclusive relationship with. I would have thought ghosting usually happens after you’ve had a date or two and you don’t want to see them or you’re not interested. Is he living a double life or been in some kind of accident or dead? Unless there’s more to it you haven’t mentioned

Are you sure he hasnt had an accident? Strange but could happen.

He has read my last message and not replied

Ahh ok well that puts a different slant on it.

Was everything ok before he ghosted you?

Ghosting is so cruelly baffling, OP. You have dodged a bullet, no matter how painful it is now.

It happened to me once around this mark.

I was worried sick while he was off having fun without a care in the world. He eventually popped up telling me I was gorgeous when I posted a photo of myself at a wedding.

Men can be cowards and I regretted feeling upset. Focus on you x

Seemed to be

I was ghosted years ago after an exclusive 6 month relationship. Then he popped up with lots of excuses, then disappeared again. I think he already had a relationship.

It was upsetting but there is always a reason for it and it's very cowardly to not say. But then they can't come back.

Don’t blame yourself, we all have to take a leap of faith when starting a new relationship, the most important thing is to now keep that distance and don’t allow him back or give him any reply if he comes grovelling.

Well done you deleting everything. I get you’re gutted but if you’ve deleted everything, you’re strong and going to be absolutely fine in the long run.

What a prick.

I have heard from friends that around the 3-4 month mark there is as change in energy from men and that is often when they end, as the guy has put a lot of effort into the relationship but then is the crunch point as to whether it really does progress and then there are obligations on both sides/ some men just can’t or don’t want to do the harder part.

Are you definitely sure there are no other women or that he is not married? Presumably, you know where he lives, and he hasn't been in an accident or is ill?
Eirher way dont beg you have found out early hes a flake..

I’m really sorry to hear this. It’s a really shitty thing to do to someone and I hope he gets his karma!

I have now heard from him.

18 months ago his 11 year relationship broke down after he suddenly became depressed having never experienced any mh issues before. she essentially told him she would not help him and abruptly ended the relationship and ghosted him after 11 years.

I knew he was on meds when we met and he said he was ready to meet someone new, he started dating and hence our relationship stared.

He has assured me that I have nothing wrong and he has apologised for his silence. He has been very honest with me and told me he thought he was ready to date but now knows he isn’t, and wants to work on his mh for a while. He knows he has upset me and he has said sorry. His apology feels genuine. He’s not on any dating sites and has assured me knowing else is involved.

We have said goodbye for now, maybe he will come back and maybe he won’t.

I will give him the space he needs and if he comes back he comes back and if he doesn’t there is nothing I can do