Ghosted again. Why does nothing ever work out?

[Forfucksake84]

I've been chatting to a guy for 2 weeks. I matched with him on an app but he happens to work for the same company as me so has popped in twice to see me for 5 minute 'dates' which went well. He seemed very complimentary about me, messaging to say I was 'lovely ' and 'stunning ' etc, and that we should meet up for coffee soon. (It's been hard to arrange a date as we've both been very busy) .he last messaged on Monday to say he'd had a really busy day and was gutted to have missed me and I replied asking if he was still free the following day as I may be able to meet him after all (he'd initially suggested Tuesday but I'd had plans) and he has seen the message and just not answered. Seems very out of character for him as until now he's been messaging regularly, several times a day. He has mentioned that he lives with his mum who has dementia so I considered that could be a reason, but still would have thought he'd find time for a text.
I'm just really disappointed as I thought he seemed really nice and that for just once this could potentially lead to something. Obviously not....

Unfortunately it's just the way of the world these days. OLD is brutal ( from what my friends tell me) personally I've never tried it, can't be arsed with the drama of will they/ won't they respond/ like me etc etc.
I'm sorry but you have to get some thicker skin and don't let this bother you so much. You don't need another person in your life to matter

Yeah I’m not sure, on one hand you’re kind of victim blaming there, they work in the same place, she can’t say no I’m sorry I can’t meet you quickly without looking like a proper weirdo, and she gets ti meet him too, however twice and no date is odd.

as is, he’s in his forties and still lives at home with his mum and dad? Has he ever lived independently?

Read ‘The rules’ it’ll save you a lot of this messing about.

It sounds like he really doesn’t have the time to date you properly and perhaps he’s realised the reality of that, it’s not you but I would be more ruthless at the very beginning, 5 minute dates aren’t good enough.

Yes, he has 3 children and 2 grandchildren! (He's 43). I think he's only temporarily living with his parents to help care for his mum/save money

He’s got three children and two grandchildren aged 43? Wow. That’s a lot to take on.

It is tough out there and I get it. But there are heaps of threads on here about the similar kind of thing, so if it makes you feel better, it isn’t just you.

sympathy and hugs. it's hard putting yourself out there over and over.

TBH, your bloke does not sound like much of a catch: He's 43, his parents need lots of care, he has kids and grandkids. (The maths there does not add up well for him) !!

sadly, I don't think you're the only one. MN is FULL to bursting with posters who are in the same boat. On MN, it seems that most men can't go the (short) distance. Even the ones who aren't just chancing it for a shag are too 'whatever' to meet regularly for coffee/film/dog walk or even a shag! Much less a bloke in a dinner jacket for the opera/ballet/sumtuous dinner.

Nevermind the legion of DHs who don't realise that all they need to do to make their marriage hum is treat their wife like a lady: attention, flirting ... Would they even try if they knew that all it took for a regular shag was regular attention ... to be fair, my (clever, witty, urbane) DH couldn't muster flirty attention for me even when I outright requested it ...

Being recently single, I am not dipping in my toe yet but when I do it will be with a huge chunk of salt and I'll be standing well back until, if ever, the bloke makes a few moves.

I'm in similar position, although older than you. I've OLD but nothing comes of it. I have my life together, great son about to start Uni (though will be at home), not bad looking for my age lol, good friends but like you it's the companionship I miss. The just sex thing never worked as I tended to become emotionally involved....they didn't. I just keep the hope that one day something good will come along

This usually happens when a girl seems uninterested. I have been there, i spoke to this girl on a dating app, i spoke to her for over 1 year, i tried to arrange to meet her in person. She said okay but then kept saying she as busy, from that point our connection died down fast. We must make time to see the other person.

Such hard work. It really shouldn’t be.

find someone who isn’t hard work and is genuinely keen on you.

this one is testing boundaries with you.

Does he work near you? Have you found him on the company systems?

Sorry to say this but you didn’t make it exciting for him. Him coming down to your floor for 5 minutes, it’s too informal, doesn’t scream romantic. I do that with colleagues, go down for a chat. Next one please put yourself on a pedestal and a man will put you on a pedestal too. And good luck !

It’s not you OP. He gave the impression he was interested in a proper date, the kind where you are together for a couple of hours in person, but for some reason he doesn’t really want that. Who knows what he wants. You were perfectly reasonable to ask if he can see you on Tuesday.
It’s awful if this way of behaving is the norm for some men but there will be others who mean what they say.

He literally knows where you work, OP. What's stopped him from coming to see you on his lunch break? If the 5-minutes he's afforded you so far weren't enough for him to suggest an actual date, then I wouldn't bother. He comes with a lot of baggage that isn't going to go away anytime soon and he's shown he can switch off communication without warning or consideration. Is this what you want for yourself?

I’ve been online dating for a few weeks, met someone, no spark but it was easy between us both, we met up a couple of times, had a walk, lunch, conversation flowed. We agreed to meet again. But, I just decided I didn’t want to waste my time on another date when I could see it only ever being a friendship. I’m afraid I’ve ghosted him, I never got back to his last message.

Aww it sounds like this situation has got you over analysing. Dating and online dating can be a bit of a mare i think because people are in a bit of a state of flux, don’t always know what they want etc.

As other posters have said, try to get feeling better about yourself. I am sure you are an amazing lady, what do you like doing? What makes you feel good? Maybe try more of that. Are there meetup groups in your area? Personally i think when dating, investing in your own social life is the best thing you can do, as it makes the dating stuff less of a must have and more of a might like…

Re this guy and any guy, if it is a long term relationship you want, id make it very clear at the outset that is what you want, no point pretending otherwise. Some guys will want the same, others won’t but you don’t want them anyway so no loss re being honest. Re this guy maybe you could suggest getting to know each other as friends. He may not be interested in a long term relationship with anyone or could have something else on the go (but there is only one way to find out)….

Eurgh. You can do so much better.

Ultimately, OP, he was someone you were chatting to for a fortnight and had a couple of very quick catch ups.

You can't possibly speak of his character or have verified any of the things he's said about himself. You just don't know him. He was a stranger and doing this is just as much a part of him as the other things he has told you (if true).

But it's the only one of those things you 'know' about him that you have been able to verify for yourself.

Ultimately, OP, he was someone you were chatting to for a fortnight and had a couple of very quick catch ups.

You can't possibly speak of his character or have verified any of the things he's said about himself. You just don't know him. He was a stranger and doing this is just as much a part of him as the other things he has told you (if true).

But it's the only one of those things you 'know' about him that you have been able to verify for yourself.

OP, these weren't dates though, they were literally 'pop ins' where he chatted you up for 5 mins. If he appears again suggest a proper lunch date as he works so close by. If he dodges that then you know he's flakey and not for you.
Also please read 'the rules' highlighted on the Dating thread on here, you need to have a really thick skin when you are doing online dating and tbh sadly it's a numbers game.Treat it lightly or it becomes soul destroying.
Also is he really such a catch? A grandad at 43 and living with his parents? Sounds like he's a busy man!

It’s how they all are in the beginning. Even those looking for a relationship. They put their best foot forward.

It’s not personal, OP. Every woman dating goes through this. It sucks. But please don’t get too bogged down with it. It’s not you.

I think you are investing too much too soon. Just be casual. If it develops great. But don’t think too much about each guy that pays you a bit of attention.

I understand why you are upset and I’m sorry for you. But he doesn’t sound that great. Living with his parents? No thanks. You can do better. Try and find someone off the Apps. Have you tried Meet Up. Or through hobbies. It’s hard to meet men I know. I’ve actually completely given up trying but I’m older than you and don’t care anymore. Sending a virtual hug. It’s tough out there. Be kind to yourself. 🌻

The thing is, it’s hard work to find something special and long lasting.

If it was that easy it wouldn’t be as special as it is and I’m afraid to find that special person it takes alot of meeting the wrong person, you meeting people who you think are suitable but don’t feel the same as you, you not liking someone yet they like you etc etc.

Not everyone that comes into your life is going to stay for many reasons. All you can do is go in with an open heart and mind and trust the process.