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Original poster

Why is he pulling away after he says he loves me?

45 replies

Sheshappy123 · 26/08/2025 22:10

I have been casually seeing a guy for last 3/4 months and things were going well, I felt like we were really connecting. He has said things like he’s so happy that we met, that he wishes we met years ago and had children together (we both have our own children) he’s been hinting about things in the future holidays etc and recently told me he’s fallen in love with me. But the last couple of days he’s barely text me when usually he texts consistently and 99% of the time will always text good night and morning which he suddenly stopped doing and when I messaged saying I missed him he didn’t respond. What do i do? I’ve been falling for him but do I just accept that maybe he’s no longer interested and maybe didn’t even mean any of the things he said 😔 it’s really confusing

OP posts:
tillyandmilly · 26/08/2025 22:14

So sorry this is happening to you 💐- this is also happening to me ! no texts nothing after a week - its horrible isn’t it - He said he couldn't stop thinking about me 2 weeks ago!

MamaElephantMama · 26/08/2025 22:15

I wouldn’t message again. He knows you have text so the ball is in his court.

There’s something about the 3 month mark that can change a relationship in my experience so I wouldn’t be doing anything. Don’t start asking if he’s lost interest, just crack on and see if he pops up.

YesHonestly · 26/08/2025 22:15

He’s love bombing and future faking.

There are so many red flags here Op. Hea not a good one, throw him back.

GoldDuster · 26/08/2025 22:17

Too much too soon, I've got things in my fridge that have been there longer than three months. He's been saying what he thinks you want to hear, and it worked.

You can do better, don't let him reel you back in.

MissColumbo · 26/08/2025 22:18

Please Google "why men pull away". I hope your chap is just taling some time to process things.

  • give him space / don't hassle him.for contact or answers during his breathing space time.
  • hopefully if he feels free to return to you without judgement, without being nagged (where were you? why no messages?) etc he will come back stronger Sometimes men need time to process their own emotions when it has suddenly dawned on them they have fallen and it is serious.

I hope your chap is in this category.

The alternative view is that, yes he was just messing you around and didn't mean the things he said in order to string you along.

Only time will tell -- if you back off and give him a bit of space it will become clear which category he's in within a few weeks.

Backing off and giving him space works in both scenarios. Nagging / chasing is more likely to push him further away in both scenarios.

Kilhopper27 · 26/08/2025 22:18

Red flag alert. Run away, run away.

SomeKindOfMeh · 26/08/2025 23:06

Don’t believe anything a man says until… well, further notice at least.

As Madonna said, “a man can tell a thousand lies.” It’s all BS to get in your pants. Only look at their actions.

MeganM3 · 26/08/2025 23:16

He will pop back up.
Something happens at 3 or 4 months when they start to lose interest. Men are about the chase. But he will be back. You might not feel the same way about him once he resurfaces.
If you chase him it will push him further away. So either wait and see if he comes back, or block him and be done with it.
It is a really awful feeling, sorry you’re going through it. I wouldn’t wish a lovebombing and rejection on anyone, it really messes with your head.

smallsilvercloud · 27/08/2025 00:13

Seems a bit much if you’ve been seeing each other casually, strong words for such a short time, a bit unbelievable really. Some guys like to talk the talk but offer little commitment to back it up.
I personally don’t think he’s needs to think about committing because he’s scared, you want a man that definitely knows he wants you and wouldn’t risk losing.
its a possibility he’s found someone else to date or gone back to.

Original poster
Sheshappy123 · 27/08/2025 05:04

Thank you everyone for your insights! I have a strong feeling he was messing me around and probably using me for sex, which I shouldn’t have given so soon 😔 oh well it’s taught me a lesson for future

OP posts:
Christl78 · 27/08/2025 05:13

Seems to me a classic case of a narc love bombing and then pulling back to create trauma bonding and control you.
Don‘t fall for it OP. You may be feeling withdrawal symptoms right now but stikc with it. It will pass.
Have you asked him why he withdrew? Did he ghost you?

Monty27 · 27/08/2025 05:15

It's that love bombing chestnut. He's a player. Move on @Sheshappy123

Original poster
Sheshappy123 · 27/08/2025 07:18

How was I stupid enough to believe all his words were genuine 😔 I feel this may take me a while to get over I’m already missing all the nice messges he used to send me which I know sounds really stupid, he would take me on dates and make me feel like I was the only woman in the world 😔 how stupid of me

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 27/08/2025 07:24

It sounds very similar to a guy from work that I fell for fast, I believed his projections of love / future faking shit. Honestly get rid now, and don’t look back. I’ve wasted over 2.5yrs with this guy, bread crumbing I think they call it. Will hear nothing for a while, he hardly replies to texts, then he is interested again. He doesn’t have much time as he’s a single dad, but everyone has 2 mins to send a message. I finally found my self respect and told him I was done, and deserved a lot better than him. Felt really crappy for a few days, but now looking to the future as I deserve someone a lot better. You do too. He won’t change, so don’t fall for crappy excuses like I did.

Original poster
Sheshappy123 · 27/08/2025 07:52

@Christl78 I haven’t asked why he’s withdrawn or anything, he messaged yesterday evening (usually he messages first thing in the morning and we talk on and off through the day) he just said hi how was your day I replied back and at the end I just said I miss him and he didn’t reply back after that. I’m not going to message him and ask if he’s lost interest im just going to leave him to it

OP posts:
Desmodici · 27/08/2025 07:56

YesHonestly · 26/08/2025 22:15

He’s love bombing and future faking.

There are so many red flags here Op. Hea not a good one, throw him back.

This. He's made you feel really special to pull you in (love-bombing), made references to future plans to make you stay (future-faking), and now that he's told you he loves you, he's got you sucked right in, so now he can start running cold on you, knowing you're unlikely to end it (because you know how good it can be - the dangling carrot). He's leaving you in a state of confusion to destabilise you. It's a form of manipulation and control. He knows you'll hold on to the highs he gives you, hoping they'll come again. And they will, to keep you hanging on, but they'll always be interspersed with lows. It's a classic pattern.
I'd be telling him that this isn't going to work out, and block. You're in for a world of pain to continue a relationship with him.

Original poster
Sheshappy123 · 27/08/2025 07:56

He actually first said he loves me after about a month of knowing me, we met at the gym and after about a month he spoke about taking me on dates etc and after that he asked me over to his (stupid of me to agree) and he tried to sleep with me (I didn’t) but got upset and told him I just felt used and left, he messaged me constantly after that telling me how sorry he was and that he didn’t want to loose “the one” and that he loved me. Wow reading all that back now makes me sound so gullible I don’t know how I believed it

OP posts:
Original poster
Sheshappy123 · 27/08/2025 08:00

@Desmodici This makes a lot of sense and is probably true. He just seems like such a nice genuine man that it’s hard to believe it’s not the real version of him, but I guess that’s where they get you. Better I know now sooner rather than later though

OP posts:
YesHonestly · 27/08/2025 08:04

You’re not gullible, but now you know you can act accordingly.

This is all part of his plan, he’ll pop back up with some poor excuse and he will expect you to just be so happy you won’t question his behaviour. And he’ll do it again.

If you stay, you will become a ball of anxiety and find yourself walking on eggshells. Please don’t settle for this OP, I know it’s hard I really do, but this man isn’t good for you and the sooner you get away the better.

YesHonestly · 27/08/2025 08:04

Sheshappy123 · 27/08/2025 08:00

@Desmodici This makes a lot of sense and is probably true. He just seems like such a nice genuine man that it’s hard to believe it’s not the real version of him, but I guess that’s where they get you. Better I know now sooner rather than later though

A nice, genuine man wouldn’t treat you like this.

GoldDuster · 27/08/2025 08:10

Sheshappy123 · 27/08/2025 07:56

He actually first said he loves me after about a month of knowing me, we met at the gym and after about a month he spoke about taking me on dates etc and after that he asked me over to his (stupid of me to agree) and he tried to sleep with me (I didn’t) but got upset and told him I just felt used and left, he messaged me constantly after that telling me how sorry he was and that he didn’t want to loose “the one” and that he loved me. Wow reading all that back now makes me sound so gullible I don’t know how I believed it

It's just a case of classic push/pull manipulative behaviour and using scarcity to create demand.

What you need to do now is note his behaviour, ignore what he says, and watch what he does, and NOT FALL FOR IT. Find someone who is consistent in their behaviour, and doesn't need to sweep you off your feet in a big rush.

Desmodici · 27/08/2025 08:11

Sheshappy123 · 27/08/2025 08:00

@Desmodici This makes a lot of sense and is probably true. He just seems like such a nice genuine man that it’s hard to believe it’s not the real version of him, but I guess that’s where they get you. Better I know now sooner rather than later though

I've fallen for it, too. I actually knew what was happening (grand gestures with expensive jewellery very soon; declaring we were soulmates, destiny; mentioning marriage etc) - I knew he was love-bombing me (plus there were early signs of control re: who I could spend time with), and I STILL persevered (because when it was good it was really good - bread-crumbing).

Lesson learned, and I'll listen to my head in future!
Glad you seem to be able to see this for what it is. He'll probably turn on the charm again. Remind yourself that someone who really cares about you doesn't make you feel like this.

Original poster
Sheshappy123 · 27/08/2025 10:14

He text me saying good morning but I’ve not replied just left it until I think how to respond to tell him I’m done with it all, or just ignore him and block

OP posts:
Tcateh · 27/08/2025 10:23

Nah try and focus on your username op.

He's not making you happy.

Is this back and forth worth it.

You'll always be questioning yourself. Then the slippery slope into second guessing yourself and worth.

Original poster
Sheshappy123 · 27/08/2025 11:15

@tillyandmilly Sorry you are going through it too it’s really confusing isn’t it! He has text me this morning but I haven’t replied

OP posts: