AIBU to be suspicious

[nbb89]

I’ll try and keep it brief. Been with my DP for 4 year. We don’t live together but spend time between both our homes. At the beginning of the year we had an argument that got very heated and split up for 6 weeks.
In those 6 weeks he took me off all his socials (fair enough), we had no contact whatsoever. Since getting back together he still hasn’t got me on his socials medias and there’s no sign of my existence in his home, photos have gone, things like toothbrush, hairbrush, cup ect have all gone. Even stuff I’ve bought him over the years has gone.
He said he boxed everything up, that’s fair enough but why is my existence in his life still in a box and why would he not want me back on his socials? I know it sounds ridiculous and childish but I can’t stop thinking he’s hiding me or something else.

How long have you been back together?

Edit: Ah, I see it's several months already. Yes that is weird, maybe he threw it all away, have you asked him where it all is? And to add you back into his social media etc.?

About 4 month

Other than the boxing stuff up comment, have you discussed this with him? If so, what did he say?

Have you stayed overnight with him since getting back together?

I did ask about social media, he just said if he sees anything I’d find interesting/amusing he sends me the links.

@Bleepberry yeah, I packed a toiletries bag, pjs ect which I brought back home with me

Just can’t help thinking he’s hiding something from me.

What happens if you leave something there after spending the night?

@GreenAndWhiteStripes I don’t leave anything there now, I pack a little case before I go and fetch it back home with me. There is literally no trace of me in his home now

So maybe try casually leaving something there and see if it gets tucked away?

@GreenAndWhiteStripes I did leave a lip balm and throat lozenges there, he gave me them back next time I seen him. That had completely slipped my mind

Do you think it’s possible things he packed up have been thrown away? Or has he told you he still has them in boxes?

SM isn’t necessarily a big deal; it could be something as simple as not want to publicly announce his business to everyone on his friends list by re-adding you/setting a relationship status. I totally understand why this feels weird for you though, and it would probably cause some slight insecurity in me too.

Leave something innocent at his house, like a new toothbrush or a small washbag. If he hides it away you’ll have a clearer idea of what you might be dealing with.

Have you sent him a friend request?

Even if it's not suspicious, this seems rather unfriendly.

Have you ever discussed living together?

@Bleepberry whilst I agree with SM not being a big deal he does spend a lot of time on there. Am I being a paranoid dick lol

@GreenAndWhiteStripes we have (before we split) he always says he wants me here full time but we both have kids (ages between them range from 16 to 22) who live with us.

He's still punishing you, he's excluding you, he's telling you thst you don't deserve to be on his social media until you've earned it.

Why are you with someone who treats you like this, who doesn't have their girlfriend on social media, that's so weird.

You’re not being a “paranoid dick”! I can definitely imagine feeling unsettled in your situation, but it’s also possible there’s nothing to worry about and he’s just being weird after the recent breakup.

What was the argument that led to the break (if you’re happy to share)? I wonder if that might in any way explain his behaviour now?

@Bleepberry it was a ridiculous argument about me not being able to spend as much time with him as I was. I was working a lot of over time at the time. It escalated to him saying I was using him for sex, I just turned round and walked out.

What was the original argument that led to you splitting up? In other ways has your relationship got back to how it was before? Could it be that whilst you’ve got back together he doesn’t feel the same way he did before and it needs time for you to rebuild trust?

I wouldn't be with someone who wouldn't have me on their socials. Don't care if it seems juvenile. You have been together long enough. You're the one sleeping with him but not good enough to be on his Facebook? fuck that.

That sounds quite emotionally manipulative, trying to guilt trip you to do what he wanted by making accusations. Well done for walking out, I’m sure he wasn’t expecting that!

Do you think he might be acting like this now as a way to make you feel insecure?

Sounds like he is trying to punish you by making it look like he is just using you for sex, not putting out mementos or gifts, handing your stuff back if you leave it. He is trying to make it seem like you aren’t really part of his life when you aren’t in his house

Sounds like he is biding his time until someone else comes along tbh.

OP - are you happy in this relationship? You don’t have to be in it.

Is this really what you want after 4 years? Seems more like a casual thing.