Am I wrong

[mandski]

So my husband commented on a social media post to the sister of a childhood friend. Obvs I could see this. Then she says , I’ll inbox you. So I know they have been talking by messenger, but he has never mentioned it to me? Surely that’s strange? Back in touch with childhood friend and does not mention? So I was a bit sneaky and I did go onto his social media profile and unfriended this person. However, just seen message pop up from this woman; and they are friends again om social media, but still no word from him about it. (Not friends with the childhood friend or talking to him but is to the sister) people help me, am I being stupid , do I just let it go, it’s innocent right ??

See now this I would be suspicious about. This shows an intent to hide something which is different to just not mentioning anything. You obviously didn’t trust him in the first place to go snooping and sounds like your mistrust was justified. Sorry.

Any old iPhones of his lying about in draws you could charge up and see if he still has the messenger app on them? That’s what I’d be doing now. If innocent then why delete the messages! Are there messages on there from other people or does he delete all his messages?

Any old iPhones of his lying about in draws you could charge up and see if he still has the messenger app on them? That’s what I’d be doing now. If innocent then why delete the messages! Are there messages on there from other people or does he delete all his messages?

No old phones , yes there are other messages, ones from family etc 😒 hasn’t spoke to me for 2 hours, on the plus side its longest he been off his phone xx

You’re a bit nuts

When I read your first post I thought you were bang out of order for unfriending her and ott jealous. After reading your other posts, you clearly need to get out of that relationship. He's cheated on you and lied, there's no trust there and although you've obviously tried again, it's not working. None of us can know if he's cheating on you again (although a load of deleted messages are very suspicious!) and is being a complete bastard by not talking to you and making you feel in the wrong, or if you're now paranoid and ott, driving him mad by snooping on him when he hasn'tdone anything wrong, but either way, it's not healthy and imo, will only get worse. Good luck to you.

Why did you unfriend the woman instead of looking at the messages between them? Because now he knows you know / suspect as they noticed they were no longer friends, but won’t say it to you as it’ll trigger a conversation they don’t want to have. But if it really is innocent it makes you look unhinged.

I’ve no idea who my partner is messaging on social media or WhatsApp etc and I don’t care, it’s not my business. I don’t give him a rundown of who I talk to either. But I trust him which it sounds like you don’t with your husband. I’m not one of those “he’d never cheat” people, everyone has the capacity to cheat but I don’t believe in policing someone’s behaviour or social life and wouldn’t take kindly to someone snooping on my phone/socials or telling me who I could talk to. Plus if I didn’t trust him I’d just end the relationship.

Jeez Woman, just ask him.

The messages had been deleted which is why I unfriended her.

I’m with you.
Your afraid to ask in case he gives you an answer you know isn’t true.
Then you don’t know what to do next.
there’s no way around it other than keep snooping. Or ask- then act accordingly,
can’t you just ask if she got sorted, u seen she messaged you on the community group c

After the initial incident that was my take as well , I genuinely do not care who he speaks to , it’s just something with this doesn’t sit right with me. Free will and all that, what will be will be, , right now I’m just questioning my sanity

Thank you , I just don’t know which way to turn,, thing is now I have asked the secrecy will get more.. like he has not touched his phone in over 3 hours

I don't think it even matters if hes speaking to this woman about her brother or hes shagging her. There's zero trust, you dont feel able to ask him, you have then spoken about it and the communication has been appallingly bad to the point you now aren't speaking. This isnt a relationship, it isnt a partnership. I think you have bigger problems than him chatting innocently or not to this woman from his past and your focus shouldn't be on her but if you want to save your marriage or separate because this is no way to live

I’ve seen your update that he has cheated in the past which puts a different slant on it. It doesn’t sound like a good relationship overall.

Do couples now have to declare every new or old interaction on social media? And are we now allowed to delete friends from other people's profiles?

📝 Reason #999 to be happily single. How suffocating 😔.

No of course not ,, like I said I don’t care who he talks to .. he has made friends with people who have similar music tastes and met up with them for gigs and have no issue with it , like I said some thing just doesn’t sit right. God if we all had to declare every conversation either SM or F2F we never get anything done

Looks like some of you guys were right, relationship is in trouble. Tried to talk it out with him, but his responses just made me feel worse. We were away on holiday all last week and he spoke to her most days about “stuff” what do you make of that ? Fighting a losing battle I think, if was not this person would be someone else.

I think you're right and you deserve better. How good would it feel to not have those worries and feeling gs in your gut? Get out and make a new life for yourself where you're valued. He won't change. Good luck, OP x