Am I wrong

[mandski]

So my husband commented on a social media post to the sister of a childhood friend. Obvs I could see this. Then she says , I’ll inbox you. So I know they have been talking by messenger, but he has never mentioned it to me? Surely that’s strange? Back in touch with childhood friend and does not mention? So I was a bit sneaky and I did go onto his social media profile and unfriended this person. However, just seen message pop up from this woman; and they are friends again om social media, but still no word from him about it. (Not friends with the childhood friend or talking to him but is to the sister) people help me, am I being stupid , do I just let it go, it’s innocent right ??

Sex can happen during the day.

I only saw message notifications, not the actual message , but when o looked they had been deleted. I didn’t go snooping I was using his phone to respond to our daughter, and saw the messages from this woman had gone.

My question is still relevant.

You think there could be innocent explanation?

I can't think of an innocent explanation, can you?

Not sure who this question is addressed to. But I asked you what innocent explanation there could be.

I think if my husband was expecting me to tell him every one I spoke to, snooping in my social media, unfriending people. And not discussing it with me, I would rethink thr marriage, that’s a level of controlling, insecure jealous behaviour I would not tolerate and I’m sorry op, I’d assume it’s not the first time you’ve behaved like this regarding any contact he has with any other women. Has he cheated before and caused your behaviour? As I am struggling to understand why you think he should tell you but it’s all ok for you to not talk to him and invade his privacy.

I can, I often chat with people and delete the messages, it’s just good admin right. I get some folks don’t tidy their social media. However I would delete my messages if I thought my husband was snooping and defriending people behind my back, I have never cheated but I’d be damn sure to delete everything. However I’d also have it out with him, change my passwords and consider ending the marriage if this sort of behaviour was the norm,

I didn’t snoop !! It came up on a community page !! I just don’t understand why would not mention.
Yes he has cheated before and denied it for years before finally coming clean just after our 2nd child was born. Like I said , scared to ask the question cos scared of the answer. I have no issue with him speaking to anyone, male or female . I really don’t ; just don’t understand the secrecy that’s all.

I think you just need to straight up ask him, I know you’re worried about the answer but you’re worrying yourself sick now anyway.

I also think it depends what the post/ question was originally that he responded to. Surely he would realise that it’s open and public for everyone to see so didn’t see the big deal in telling you about it. Then by you going on and unfriending her then he probably thinks it’s going to cause a whole load of drama so has deleted the messages.

It’s all coming out now !! And I’m just being made to feel like some weirdo for giving a shit .

There are no posts I can see that suggest you are a weirdo. You have asked if you should be concerned about your DH deleting messages he sent to another woman. Several people think you should be concerned and one has advised you to ask him about her.

No sorry not by you guys by the husband.
i have just said to him I am not even arsed who he talks to , the fact is he never talks to me anymore , that’s what hurts .

Making a statement rather than asking a question is not likely to tell you what you want to know.

He is secretly messaging another woman and doesn’t want you to know - yes that’s a problem. You must communicate open & honestly with him or your being just as bad. To put your mind at ease ask to see the message- his response will tell you if you need to worry or not

He says he is only talking to her cos of her brother who isn’t on social media. So I said get his number then and talk to him. In my mind people who aren’t on social media are not generally arsed about getting in touch with people from past ?? Xx

Yes i think k for your own peace of mind you need to get to the bottom of this & speak to her/and her brother if it’s innocent they should understand and yes id be concerned as he has cheated before. I hope you find nothing but better safe than sorry you are doing nothing wrong here OP except trying to save your marriage so don’t listen to the “right on” brigade - get to the bottom of this wiickly for your marriages sake

I think you need to talk him and make him realise
how uncomfortable it’s making you feel. My brother isn’t on social media, if someone contacted me asking to get in touch with him then I’d check with my brother and then message the person back with contact details etc I wouldn’t necessarily keep chatting to that person.

Is he still talking to her?

yes they still talking. But I’m being made to feel like I’m in the wrong for even asking about it. I give up , what will be will be

Thank you

I delete all messages i never keep them after ive read and replied.

You’re scared of asking the question because of the answer he may give, so what’s the alternative not say anything and forever wonder if he’s cheated? Which I’m certain won’t be a pleasant experience to constantly be paranoid. I’d just say “oh did you message X back the other day, I saw she was going to message you, is she ok?” See what he says

Gone past that point now, he just gone quiet and won’t speak at all

Oooh you said all of the messages were being deleted? That to me is a huge red flag…
i would certainly address it.
perhaps in the morning before he’s had a chance to leave the house and speak with her again and delete messages

I’ve just come out to drop our daughter at the cinema so he probs already talking to her.