Abusive and looking to leave

[Aplcdone]

Hey guys, been with my partner over a year. Things have got worse over the past 6 months, I’m just looking to air my story as I haven’t spoke to any family or friends as I don’t want no judgement so please don’t judge me… partner has got worse over the past few months with insecurities etc, to the point I know I need to get out and I don’t quite know how even though we don’t live together. (Yes I know it seems silly)… anyway, through the week wen I don’t see him as I work days he works nights, it’s like he wants to make my life hell and I can only put it down to cause I’m not with him, as when a weekend comes it’s all okay as if nothing has been said which frustrates me more. On a weekly basis I am being accused that I am speaking to other people, I started a new job he got in a mood as I was round new people, he got in a mood with me because I had a window cleaner come and he said I don’t really want to be with a women who relies on a man to do things for her, he has used the money he owes me and cause I wouldn’t do something for him as I didn’t have time he said he would f*k me over with the money, he never wants to come to mine I am always going to his, when I question him about it he saids he just doesn’t want too he’s to use to his own place, he’s got in a mood with me cause I didn’t have money to lend him and then he said I needed to ask other people for him as because he has no money he is relying on me, I said to him there isn’t any point relying on me as I have my own bills to pay it’s not my fault you are behind, then he asks me why am I on the pill. Cause that’s a sign of someone just wanting to sleep about, he’s always implying at least once a week he doesn’t trust me and I’m a s*g like most women are, even wen I went to visit my parents grave on their anniversary, he called me to ask me why I hadn’t called and I explained what I was doing and he said I don’t care you are just going to ruin Christmas as now I don’t want to be with you, the list goes on, and then cause he saids sorry after every insult he chucks at me it’s all meant to be okay, and I’ve really come to my wits end with it and I’m just struggling! Please no harsh comments as I’m well aware what I’m in and that I need to get out! Thank you

If you use Clare's Law the police won't tell him, but if there's anything you need to know they'll talk to you. There's also Sarah's law, if you have kids.

Hey guys, only me again. So where I am at right now, went to see my best friend Wednesday who lives quite far away, whilst I was there got messages saying he doesn’t feel ok that I’m basically there not in those words but just his behaviour was off. Anyway by the time I got home and went to sleep woke up to aload of horrendous messages and I mean awful ones basically all the reasons why he doesn’t like me, I’m this that and the other, any how he blocked me on everything, 3 hours after that I get a knock at the door it’s him and I was thinking it’s cause he wanted to bring my stuff back and wanted his key back, oh no comes in and then demands to go through my whole phone, internet searches, messages, everything and then requested I get a paper call log for the last month. I said I didn’t want him going through my phone as it’s my privacy, and I said you’ve never wanted to go through it before so why now, and he said it’s a test to see cause I blocked you so to you it’s over and then I want to see if you been speaking to anyone else! Honestly, I have and never would do anything like that but I was on edge as I’ve never been in this position before. Then he said he wants to stop to basically monitor my phone through the night and see if anyone is going to turn up, I said that’s not happening as you never come here anyway so no,he didn’t stop in the end but then came back the following morning early to then say he’s found out how to recover all messages and he wanted me to do that, I said I don’t think I want this anymore as I can’t mentally and physically put up with it, eughhh I feel so drained! Never cried so much and that’s saying something as I don’t ever cry! But just wanted to say I am getting there guys, I will nip this in the bud once and for all just getting my self together again. ❤️

You will never get yourself together while you’re with him.

What you have just posted is horrific, you need to end this NOW.

Don't let him in your house again OP. If he turns up tell him through the door to leave. If he doesn't leave then call the police.

Why the hell didn't you just tell him he has no right to look at your phone, and to get out OP?

Totally agree with this 'Don't let him in your house again OP. If he turns up tell him through the door to leave. If he doesn't leave then call the police' from AhBiscuits.

Why has he got 'your stuff?' Are you prepared to lose whatever it is? If so, text him NOW and tell him you're done. Then block him.

Erm you need to tell this person to piss off.
No idea how him being around benefits you in any way. He sounds paranoid and unpleasant. I wonder if weed is involved. You have been given lots of great advise already. Leave him/block him get on with your life.

He's crazy. Well done for standing up to him and not letting him go through your phone, he sounds quite intimidating.
I hope this doesn't escalate, don't answer the door to him again, and if he does turn up, let someone know, immediately, and then call the police.
Either send someone else to get your stuff, or write it off. Post him back his key.

Why are you even answering the door to him?

I will do and trust me there is no benefit to my life, I know that and I understand that too. I deserve way better than how I’m being treated. I am scared that’s all to end it but I am getting great support from my friend and we are talking it out and I’m preparing myself x

Cause I didn’t even no it was him as I was in the kitchen and the door went and I just unlocked it and opened it as I said I thought the stuff that I had at his it was being brought back to me. X

What about when he came back the following morning?

What about the following morning?

“he didn’t stop in the end but then came back the following morning early to then say he’s found out how to recover all messages and he wanted me to do that, I said I don’t think I want this anymore as I can’t mentally and physically put up with it, eughhh I feel so drained!”

Yes I know what you’re saying but I don’t understand what you are trying to say? Are you asking why he got let in again? If so it was 6:40 in the morning I wasn’t even awake and it was the last person I honestly thought would be there as he would of just done a 12 hour night shift and drove from his work to mine which would of been an hours drive, so as It had woke me up I just opened the door!

Yes, why did you let him in again? You know he’s playing silly buggers, so you need to be a lot more careful about answering your door until this situation is resolved.

No I know what your saying, it like I say it was the last person as he would of done a 12 hour night shift and to do that and then drive an hour I honestly thought it wouldn’t happen as it never ever has before. But yes I will be nipping this in the bud and I’ve made up my mind, I know I’m in a abusive (emotionally) relationship and I’m at that stage where I’m getting all the apologies now and that he will get help but I don’t want it anymore and I know I’ll be doing something about it x

You’re not acting like someone who gets it.

You need to be ready for the next time he arrives. Because he will.

Does he actually even think you’re finished?

Use a peep hole. Don’t open the door if it is him. You were awake. Or you wouldn’t have got to the door and opened it.

He ended the relationship but then turned up because he wanted to inspect your phone to see who you’d been talking to? That is so far beyond normal behaviour it’s frightening.

Keep his texts etc and a record of when he has turned up uninvited.

If he has things of yours that you can’t do without, arrange with a friend to go and collect them. If you can live without them, forget them. Your wellbeing is more important than stuff.

Then text him to say the relationship is over and you no longer want contact with him in any way. Any future contact will be harassment and will be reported to the police.

I don’t want to alarm you unnecessarily. I genuinely think you need to take the situation very seriously. Good luck and stay safe

OP he will be back.
He will cry, promise it will never happen again, blame you, his upbringing, his past, everyone else.
He will threaten to harm himself, can't life without you.
He will go from crying to anger. Just be prepared. If you feel in danger call the police. Change your locks, phone number, as he will.bombard you with messages.
Can you stay with a friend?

The guy is off his rocker. What he did, showing up twice at the house and acting like a psycho is something that should be reported to the police. Then (if you're not blocked) text him to say it's over don't contact me anymore, and block him right back!

OP with respect, why are you dragging this out? You don’t even live together. This could have been resolved and settled months ago. Just tell him it’s finished, stop answering his calls and stop opening the door. There is nothing tying you together

His behavior is getting more unhinged. Please don't answer your door if your not expecting someone and call the police if he comes round and won't leave. If you need to call them but it's not safe to speak, press 55 and this lets them know it's not safe for you to talk. Write off any belongings that are at his, he will destroy your mental health and self esteem if you continue your relationship with him.

Wow this bloke is horrendous! For your safety, you should contact the police, and if possible get out a restraining order. Honestly, this creature has shown his true colours, no one whose loves a person would treat them like that! Get rid of his, and honestly I’d consider moving house if he keeps coming over to your home

Get a ring door bell so you can see if it's him to not let him in.

You're in a freeze mode now but honestly op you have to do something here. He's psychopathic and controlling. Please alert the police. You don't have to get him arrested , just say you want it on file. Tell them you will be ending it soon but just want to give a heads up in case he kicks off.

I truly would ask for women's aid. His escalation has frightened me and you must be aware he can flip. Get extra locks for your door and make sure windows are locked.

Being passive isn't going to help right now. This is how he got in and stayed. He could sense your weakness.

Make sure when this is over, sign up for the freedom programme so you know how to spot cretins like him earlier on.