Abusive and looking to leave

[Aplcdone]

Hey guys, been with my partner over a year. Things have got worse over the past 6 months, I’m just looking to air my story as I haven’t spoke to any family or friends as I don’t want no judgement so please don’t judge me… partner has got worse over the past few months with insecurities etc, to the point I know I need to get out and I don’t quite know how even though we don’t live together. (Yes I know it seems silly)… anyway, through the week wen I don’t see him as I work days he works nights, it’s like he wants to make my life hell and I can only put it down to cause I’m not with him, as when a weekend comes it’s all okay as if nothing has been said which frustrates me more. On a weekly basis I am being accused that I am speaking to other people, I started a new job he got in a mood as I was round new people, he got in a mood with me because I had a window cleaner come and he said I don’t really want to be with a women who relies on a man to do things for her, he has used the money he owes me and cause I wouldn’t do something for him as I didn’t have time he said he would f*k me over with the money, he never wants to come to mine I am always going to his, when I question him about it he saids he just doesn’t want too he’s to use to his own place, he’s got in a mood with me cause I didn’t have money to lend him and then he said I needed to ask other people for him as because he has no money he is relying on me, I said to him there isn’t any point relying on me as I have my own bills to pay it’s not my fault you are behind, then he asks me why am I on the pill. Cause that’s a sign of someone just wanting to sleep about, he’s always implying at least once a week he doesn’t trust me and I’m a s*g like most women are, even wen I went to visit my parents grave on their anniversary, he called me to ask me why I hadn’t called and I explained what I was doing and he said I don’t care you are just going to ruin Christmas as now I don’t want to be with you, the list goes on, and then cause he saids sorry after every insult he chucks at me it’s all meant to be okay, and I’ve really come to my wits end with it and I’m just struggling! Please no harsh comments as I’m well aware what I’m in and that I need to get out! Thank you

@AplcdoneOP, you are right to be scared. This is a highly abusive male and he could escalate. It sounds like he might want you pregnant so that he can abuse you more. It also doesn’t sound like you have much support around you..can you approach an organisation like Women’s Aid? They can help to get you to safety. Remember, it is very dangerous to leave a relationship like this. But it’s also very dangerous to stay. You need support with a safety plan x

they don’t tell him anyone has asked for it do they or inform him? X

No they don't tell the person

I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings.
He doesn't care about hurting yours.

Don't waste another second on him. It's not a relationship it's being bullied.
Go on to have a happy life without him.

Well done for sharing this, it's the first step towards dissolving this toxic bond. Next thing to do is let all your family, friends etc know that you're in an abusive relationship and get some support and acknowledgement from them. Don't do this alone.

They don't tell him, and they make you sign something saying you won't tell anyone at all. Don't worry, it's confidential

I agree with mysweetmaggie you need to let those around you know, he will get worse as he has lost control

Well done- you’ve made the decision to get rid of him. NOW you need to do it.
Send a really short text. ‘ I am ending this relationship and do not want any contact with you from now onwards. My decision is final- do not try to contact me.’

Do not respond to him, block him on all SM. Don’t post about it on SM. Don’t feel sad or sorry , don’t give him an opportunity to talk about all the good times you had, and about starting up again. Let your decision be final and let it bring joy to your heart because you are really doing the best thing for you.

This man is not just a nasty piece of work, but he is a user, a degrader. I am alarmed that he is unhappy you are on the pill, because a child with him would trap you for life.

You’ve made the decision, now do it.

Write a list of good times and bad times bet bad is bigger. If you have child in this type of relationship what damage will it do them. Please don't make the mistake I did, I put up with verbal and physical abuse for 17 years both my sons have mental health issues due to seeing the violence my older son twice saved my life. I have moved on but the damage it caused to me will never go

i think contacting women's aid and the freedom program is the way to go! He sounds so awful. Im sorry if i missed this but do you both have separate homes? How do you think he will react when you try to break up with him and block him?

Thank you for your advice, I think with the pill it’s just something to basically call me a slag as he saids why do I take it for as people would normally use condoms, trust me it’s just his way to call me a slag as he saids I don’t have to think about anything if I ever want to sleep with someone because I’m on the pill. Just being cruel to me xx

Thank you, tbh my siblings don’t live around here they are quite far away from me, I moved back here a few years ago and then my parents passed away about 2 years ago so I don’t have many people here, so I will do it im just planning in my head at the moment but I will do it xx

This man is an arrogant pig. Get rid. Block him and never have any contact with him again.

I'm so sorry you lost your parents, that's hard.

OP, you've now said you will do it, so why wait? Why put yourself through more of his shit, it's not even as if you live together? A simple text, block him, and be prepared to call the police, and it will all be over, and you will be able to relax. Please stop dilly dallying, you're only hurting yourself by letting this continue.

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk/docs/fp.pdf

Free living with the dominator book. Read it, understand his manipulation and has lighting techniques and get rid of him

OP, if there's nothing holding you to the place you're in except your job, would you be able to move to where your siblings are?

You could maybe get your siblings help to find somewhere to live and get a new job in the new area too?

Or maybe you could stay with a sibling for a week or two and sort out a job & flat yourself?

It'd be much easier to leave him behind physically as well as dumping him, because he won't even know where you've gone, so he can't come to your house or job to harass you?

Thank you and that’s okay, it’s hard without my mum but I know what she would be saying to me! She would be so sad with all of this and I know she would want me to be out of it xx

I would say yes I would move, but if I was it wouldn’t be to where my siblings live as it’s places I wouldn’t want to be, and I would like to be where I am as I lost my mum and I feel close to her here, I don’t want to be driven out of my home cause of this, I only started my job a few months ago and I like that too and again I don’t want to have to go because of all of this. In a way you sort of feel like they have won so I’m just going to do it and be done with it and face what ever comes with it also if anything, never no he might accept it and that be that! Xx

You are doing the right thing. He is a misogynist but he's leeching off you as well. Get rid. Can you tell your work in case he turns up there?

He's the type to threaten suicide when you leave him. I can feel it in my waters (experience of seeing a myriad of da perpetrators in my time)!

Yes he wouldn’t be able to get in as it’s secure even the car park no one can get in unless you work there! Xx

That's good news. Like others have said, tell griends, family , co-workers what is going on. That you're ending an abusive relationship. People will waht to help.

She definitely would want you safe x