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Original poster

Giving ex another chance?

34 replies

HoneyBon · 23/08/2025 15:55

Has anyone given an ex another chance? Particularly interested if you have been split up for a number of years? Can it ever work again? I can't see myself meeting anyone else and haven't in all this time, admittedly I'm probably lonely, I have no family or friends and he was the only person I had in my life that was there for me. Can you ever go back? Have you?

OP posts:
GrumpyInsomniac · 23/08/2025 16:01

It would depend on why we split up. While I’ll allow a potential for personal growth and reflection in the intervening years, there are some things I wouldn’t be likely to set aside.

So the question is, why did you split up and is it realistic to think that you’ve both grown in the intervening period and are clear-sighted enough to learn from the past to create a better future relationship?

Plastictreees · 23/08/2025 16:04

I went back to a long term ex in my early twenties, after being broken up for a year or so. Thankfully we didn’t move back in together. He was as toxic as he always was, of course, and it did not work out. I went on to have much nicer experiences dating much nicer men and eventually met my now DH at 30.

I think going back to an ex rarely works out, especially if whatever caused the relationship not to work then hasn’t changed. It sounds like you are in a vulnerable position, feeling lonely and isolated. It would be wise to try to make more friendship connections and get more support, rather than going back to a relationship that failed before. Look forwards, not backwards. You would likely be feeling quite differently if you were happier and had positive things happening in your life.

BeverleyHofstadter · 23/08/2025 16:06

Your ex is just a person and people can change. However it is likely that between you the old patterns will fall back into place.

Sometimes it can work with an ex - I have two sets of friends who split then married.

I have other friends and acquaintances who by the time they split they were exhausted. Truly, they just couldn’t get over what had been said and done in the years leading up to the breakup. They might have got back together (because they were well suited) but the impact of events was too much.

Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 16:14

You don’t have one single friend Op?

why not focus on addressing that and channeling your energy into that op

Original poster
HoneyBon · 23/08/2025 16:14

Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 16:14

You don’t have one single friend Op?

why not focus on addressing that and channeling your energy into that op

No I don't and it's really not that unusual probably people just don't talk about it

OP posts:
Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 16:16

HoneyBon · 23/08/2025 16:14

No I don't and it's really not that unusual probably people just don't talk about it

Show quote history

I don’t doubt that there are quite a few people out there with zero family and zero friends

and I suspect they are nearly all very unhappy and lonely

but getting back together with an ex because you have no family or friends - doesn’t sound like much of a life either

do you have children?

no family because…. No contact?
why no friends?
do you have work colleagues?

ThatAquaRobin · 23/08/2025 16:19

Well it depends on why you split up in the first place and whether that issue has changed or been resolved.

Original poster
HoneyBon · 23/08/2025 16:20

I don't really want to go into my life story tbh as it would be a bit of an overshare.

We split due to not getting on and arguing a lot going through a difficult time, no abuse or cheating.

OP posts:
Returnofjude · 23/08/2025 16:23

HoneyBon · 23/08/2025 16:20

I don't really want to go into my life story tbh as it would be a bit of an overshare.

We split due to not getting on and arguing a lot going through a difficult time, no abuse or cheating.

So whatever the cause of the break up… that will rear its ugly head again

does ex want to get back together? Let me guess, he also doesn’t have friends?

Original poster
HoneyBon · 23/08/2025 16:33

Weirdly enough he actually has quite a lot! Yes he does want to.

OP posts:
BillieNoM888 · 23/08/2025 18:13

Me neither, @HoneyBon .

I'm sure you'd be welcome on
Page 13 | A thread for those who don’t have friends in real life. | Mumsnet

YetanotherNC25 · 23/08/2025 18:31

If both parties are accountable and understand the reasons why it ended and are committed to change, then yes it can work.
That rarely happens though. Often it’s good for a few weeks then one or both parties return to the previous patterns and stop putting the effort in.
People can and do change. But don’t expect it to be easy. You have to communicate well and compromise.

Original poster
HoneyBon · 23/08/2025 19:47

BillieNoM888 · 23/08/2025 18:13

Me neither, @HoneyBon .

I'm sure you'd be welcome on
Page 13 | A thread for those who don’t have friends in real life. | Mumsnet

Thank you, I’ve just had a read through and it’s really nice to know it’s not just me and there are others in this situation. Whenever I say it to people they find it had to grasp that someone could have no friends but that can happen for all sorts of reasons, so it’s been really helpful to read.

OP posts:
BillieNoM888 · 23/08/2025 19:52

@HoneyBon , it's the lot of a single female.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 24/08/2025 07:18

My xh moved out in October because he wasn't happy etc, You've read the script. He pleaded to come back just after Christmas and, foolishly, I agreed. It lasted three months until he went off with the other woman, the day after his daughter's tenth birthday. I'm sure there are many more like me. I gave him another chance which he squandered. He then lost the respect of his son who has never spoken to him since.

cloudtreecarpet · 24/08/2025 07:44

I think you could try again but with some clear boundaries in place.

Think about what went wrong last time & how you want it to be different this time. Communicate that clearly to your ex. Make sure you are both going in to this on the same page & with the same expectations.

And then just take it slowly and see what happens.

Original poster
HoneyBon · 24/08/2025 11:37

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 24/08/2025 07:18

My xh moved out in October because he wasn't happy etc, You've read the script. He pleaded to come back just after Christmas and, foolishly, I agreed. It lasted three months until he went off with the other woman, the day after his daughter's tenth birthday. I'm sure there are many more like me. I gave him another chance which he squandered. He then lost the respect of his son who has never spoken to him since.

Sorry to hear that, although there was no cheating in our case I wouldn’t consider it if there was.

OP posts:
Returnofjude · 24/08/2025 11:50

How long were you together?

I could understand it more if there had been cheating
but it sounds as though the relationship simply died of natural causes

This issue completely aside - what’s your life like? I know you say zero friends or family, but what about…. Fitness? Work? Hobbies?

Mewling · 24/08/2025 11:51

I have. I have a newfound understanding of dogs who eat their own sick.

Original poster
HoneyBon · 24/08/2025 12:11

Returnofjude · 24/08/2025 11:50

How long were you together?

I could understand it more if there had been cheating
but it sounds as though the relationship simply died of natural causes

This issue completely aside - what’s your life like? I know you say zero friends or family, but what about…. Fitness? Work? Hobbies?

You could understand getting back together if there had been cheating sorry not sure if I’m reading that right? We were together 6 years, I work from home.

OP posts:
Returnofjude · 24/08/2025 15:36

HoneyBon · 24/08/2025 12:11

You could understand getting back together if there had been cheating sorry not sure if I’m reading that right? We were together 6 years, I work from home.

Show quote history

i could understand you wanting to get back together if, for example, the other person was massively contrite, had ended a what was a very brief and superficial affair and was willing to do anything and everything to make it work AND the relationship had overall been happy and loving in many respects before.

But it just sounds like you’re limped along for a bit, and then the arguments got too much and it ended. Not much before the break up by the sounds of it. You don’t want to get back with HIM. You want company.

Original poster
HoneyBon · 24/08/2025 15:50

I would never get back with someone that cheated so I guess we are all different. People usually date for companionship

OP posts:
BuckChuckets · 24/08/2025 16:03

HoneyBon · 23/08/2025 16:14

No I don't and it's really not that unusual probably people just don't talk about it

Show quote history

I think it's probably more unusual than you think.

Returnofjude · 24/08/2025 16:04

HoneyBon · 24/08/2025 15:50

I would never get back with someone that cheated so I guess we are all different. People usually date for companionship

Indeed

happy companionship

Returnofjude · 24/08/2025 16:07

BuckChuckets · 24/08/2025 16:03

I think it's probably more unusual than you think.

Show quote history

Indeed

to have zero friends, family and work colleagues… assuming the OP is 30s/40s/50s… I would say not remotely commonplace and something to try to change op.

why no friends? Have you had and lost?