we met 5 months ago. He moved in with his mum after a separation. He doesn’t pay his mum rent, he buys his own food (apparently she told him to save). He doesn’t drive.
I have a mortgage and I have 3 daughters, 2 at home (17 and 20). He doesn’t have children.
I drive if we are going anywhere and we take it in turns to buy a drink or food (which isn’t very often as I can’t afford it). He stays at mine approx twice a week (he gets the bus here). I was doing the cooking (unless we were eating out but I have had to say I can’t afford this anymore) and cleaning up. I mentioned this and he’s better now and will help.
He was looking to rent and pay appropriately 900 a month without bills. He has an elderly dog so the dog is staying with his mum so he will still stay at his mums occasionally. Therefore, he won’t be at his place often. I came up with the idea of him contributing towards staying at mine instead. It helps me and helps him (a lot). I thought it would make sense as he’s staying at my house anyway, so it would be a couple of nights a week and he’d stay at his mums too with his dog! Whilst looking for a rental that accepts animals (however, his gig toilets in the house so he’s reluctant to rent).
He transferred 250. Then 5 days later, he was questioning why I couldn’t afford to pay for EPC on my house (I’m selling to downsize). I told him, I can’t justify paying 180 this month as I had a lot to pay out (daughters driving and birthdays). He said to use the 250 he gave me. I said, no, it’s ok, the EPC can wait (I’m in no hurry). He then questioned where his 250 is going and he’d like to know for the future what I’m spending the 250 on and am i going to get things in for him, like bread?! (I think this remark was because the first night he stayed following paying the 250, I had no bread. Me and my girls don’t eat bread so I just didn’t think).
I was so angry, I have been buying extra food for months when he stays, he sowers here, stays the night. I sent the 250 back and told him to go and rent somewhere and he would know exactly where the 250 goes. He couldn’t understand why I was angry. I told him it doesn’t cost nothing to stay at someone’s house.
Anyway, he still hasn’t found anywhere to rent and he’s staying at mine again. He now brings the odd thing, coffee, wine, some cereal bars, he had shower wash, some meatballs and pasta sauce yesterday with him.
I now can’t help feeling resentful!
He stayed last night, now again tonight. He said he will need to eat later and said he will give me some money. Or he will go to the pub and get himself a meal. It just feels so awkward now. He said yesterday, do I have a shower at the gym as before, you have invited me to have a shower.
I don’t know how to handle it!
I don’t know what’s fair when one person has a home and the other one doesn’t?