Competitive SIL, how to handle?

[DustyTV]

I have namechanged as I'm not sure if SIL comes on here.

I will try to keep this brief...here goes,

My DD is 6mo, she is my first DC. SILs DD is 10 weeks younger than my DD and is SILs 4th DC.

SIL has always been a very competitive, critical and outspoken person. I am not, competitiveness (SP?) drives me crazy....
Generally we do get on but I cannot stand to be around her for too long because of the way she is.

The other day when SIL, BIL and DN (Other 3 kids live with their dad's) came round to our house for a coffee. She asked me about DDs red book. She asked what weight DD was. She laughed at how DN was heavier than my DD even though her DN is 10 weeks younger than DD. She then went on to compare length, head circumfrance etc.

She has also said that I am stupid for using terry nappies on DD as it will give her a complex that she has a big bum

She says DD is spoilt because I wont leave her to cry for hours on end, I will actually pick her up.

She thinks that I shouldn't have BF for as long as I did or am as I'm still going.

She said that I am putting DD in danger by BLW instead of pureeing everything.

I could go on and on. DH says she is just jelous (SP?) because of other factors that I don't think are relevant. He says to say something to her and it is because I let her get away with it that she keeps doing. I generally just laugh it off. But TBH her saying DD was spoilt because I pick her up when she cries has really gotten to me.

Oh and she also says my house is dirty and messy!! The messy I may give her, but not all the time and it is not dirty. My DH works so I have to run round like a woman possessed when DD is asleep or when DH is home to get the house clean. Her DP doesn't work so she has the daily support there to be able to get things done.

I need some good retorts, something to make her shut up. WWYD.

Ooooh that is a bit longer than I thought it would be

I wouldn't bother retorting, I'd just ignore those kind of catty remarks if I were you. She's clearly very insecure. Just feel sorry for her!

Or you could put on a false smile and say 'How interesting, people have SUCH different views, don't they?'

She sounds absolutely stupid. I think I would just bite my tongue and try not to see more of her than necessary. I wouldn't want to engage in a pointless argument with someone like that.

How about "Bugger off you annoying cow".

Sorry, not really helpful I know - but how do you stick her?

Hmmm so reference to why her other 3 dc live with their dad's or is that too nasty?

"you do it your way, we're doing it our way"

edam, I like that idea, it might even make her think about what she says. Maybe I am being too hopeful

CC, I just grin and bear it when she is around. I have resolved to "never be in" when she texts me.

CarGirl, I have so desperately had to stop myself saying something along those lines to her, but I couldn't (could I )

BirdyArms, your right she is stupid, I really have to bite my tongue when I am around her.

I have tried bringing up in convo's how I hate it when some mums are so competitive etc, to see it she will get the message, but alas it seems not!!!!

Tell her that a new study has shown that children being highly advanced is often linked to STDs in the parents.

That will shut her up

You'd think by DC number 4 she'd be a bit more relaxed!

Lolololol MB, that made me snort and spit my coffee out at the lap top (DH will not be a happy bunny ). I will def try that one. I will keep that one at the top of my ammo list

I thought the same Scatty, but no she likes to keep doling out the 'advice'.

Even MIL has had to tell her to stop banging on as Dusty and DH are doing it their way. Gotta love my MIL

next time she's around jump in immediately and tell her about some silly woman in your local baby group whi keeps comparing babies and how hard is to keep a straight face as she comes out with her ever-more absurd comparisons and how unpleasant it makes bumping into her... or try the std one...

a bit of a weird one but how about getting ahead of her and over complimenting her dd. Like oh she's so much bigger than dd, she's going to be ahead in her year, oh isn't she clever, she's so advanced.... etc etc.

I do it to the competitive mums round me and it does shut them up as then they don't have anything else to say. It takes the wind out of their sails and maybe also makes them think what rubbish they are spouting.

Pofaced, Good one

Orangeknickers, I do that I always say how well DN is doing and isn't it great that she is so and so weight etc. It stops her from saying, 'well my DD is doing this that and the other and how well' but she just goes on and on about how DD is 10 weeks younger than DN and DN is heavier/taller etc.

I have met people like this who compare their children and I always just say 'God, you really CANNOT compare children can you, they are all SO different and develop at such different rates. It make me laugh when people boast about what their children can do...' or somthing along those lines

poor you, she sounds like a nightmare. Turn it into a game with your dh. How many annoying things will SIL say this visit? Person who loses has to do the washing up. At least that you'll be enjoying her crazy speak.

And yes, it's a sign of massive insecurity I think.

SandW, lol thats good. The way she goes on you would think my DD was not putting weight on, she is on the 50th percentile!! ans always has been.

OrangeKnickers, I like the idea of making it a game. Might do it as the looser gets up with DD in the night. Not that she wakes much, much to SILs contentment as DN wakes then several times. Ooooh now I'm being competitive

I once used "You must be so proud" to a competitive mum after I just couldn't listen to anymore. She had NOTHING to say to that! She did look a tad uncomfortable though and I could tell she didn't know how to take the comment as I was smiling the whole time..

She sounds really really insecure. TBH I would be avoiding her if at all possible because the comments would drive me nuts. Sounds like she wishes she'd had the guts to do things a little more like you Next time she says something could you just put your fingers in your ears and yell "LA LA LA LA LA" until she shuts up?

I think smooth as got the right idea - it would take the wind out of her sails.

My sil is a complete nightmare - everyday - not just as an aunt. She lives abroad but when we last went I was called 'the English mother'. 'In my professional opinion (she's 35 never worked just been chucked off her law degree after 17 years and is now doing a childcare course) children should be with their mums until they are three (I work part time) but at the same time has been instrumental in trying to get my dh to date ds to their country without me.' She doesn't have kids. Have posted about this very bad situation.

Mil is here on a long term visit and ds was ill yesterday - she phoned her daughter to ask advice. FGS!!!!! I just reminded mil that it was a question of confidence that how could I take seriously a 'girl' of 35 who has struggled 17 not get a degree when I've had one for 18 years and for whom I have to organise and pay for flights as she doesn't know how to book a flight or get to her local airport unaided. Kind of shut them both up (for the meantime!).

Good luck!
Don't take any shit - give it back.

Thanks for the replies.

Ruby, I showed DH your reply and he agrees, he likes it and thinks that we should both use it as often as possible. As much as I would love to be that wicked I don't think I could, but I know DH probably would

Mrsshapleybottom I try to avoid her as much as I can but I think she wants us to be 'mummy' friends I do generally think LA LA LA LA in my head though

huggymummy that sounds awful at least I can laugh about my SIL and at least I have MIL on my side. Cant you ask your DH to have a word or failing that tell her to butt out.

I suppose I should take my own advice, but it is easier to give advice than take it

Update....
This situation is really starting to p**s me off now.

DH has a weeks holiday from work this week. He wanted to go and get DD weighed. So we did. SIL was there.

DD has started doing this thing where when she sees any other children, doesn't matter what age, she likes to babble to them. You know baby babble, like shes talking to them.

So there are lots of other children at the weigh in clinic and as DH is undressing DD she starts babbling to the kids. SIL pipes up and says, 'Who's a grumpy madam this morning' to DD.

I take a deep breath and literally bite my tounge (SP?). We weigh DD she is doing well, the HV is happy with her progress etc etc.

DH and I try to make a hasty retreat and get out of there before SIL has finished having niece weighed. But SIL manages to follow us pretty quickly.

Then SIL for some reason decides to have a big slanging session on DD's behalf.

SIL started off saying to DD, 'Well aren't you a naughty little girl, your always crying and moaning, if you carry on like this your mummy and daddy will not love you any more'

SIL pretty much carried on in this manner while we are in the lift trying to get out of the bloody doctors building.

DH was about to say something but I couldn't let him I had to say something to her.

So calmly (How I did it calmly I don't know) I said to her, 'You must be a very insecure person if you have to say things like that to a 7.5mo child. Does it make you feel big to tell my DD that DH and I will not love her anymore if she cries?'

'Who the hell do you think you are. You would have thought that after having 4 kids you would be more secure being a mum'

'Don't you are cast DH, DD and I in the same light that you obviously see your self in. If you aren't secure being a mum to your DD don't try and make your self feel batter by belittling me and my family'

As we left she was just stood there looking like this , DH said to her as we left that she is not welcome at our house again and that he wants nothing to do with her.

Wowee - well done!!

blimey