Partner joining the Navy - hasn’t discussed it with me. What do I do?

[WaterFlower9]

Ive been with my partner for 3 years.

I have a DC from a previous relationship (age 5). We live together and have done for a year.

We have struggled a lot with issues with him gambling in the past but recently this has been much better, he stopped gambling and I thought things were good.

He decided to join the Navy last month and has gone ahead and applied without even mentioning it to me or asking my opinion and I honestly feel quite upset by this.

My son doesn’t deal well with change, he struggles with separation anxiety even seeing his dad once a week and I know he would struggle hugely with this.

I obviously won’t tell my partner what he can and can’t do, and I don’t want to stop him if this is what he really wants, but I feel like he hasn’t even considered how this would effect me or my son.

I just feel selfish for telling him this and that I don’t know if I can be in a relationship like this. He has said he would be gone for possibly months at a time and the base is at the entirely opposite end of the country to where we are, he doesn’t drive so seeing each other would be hugely limited.

I would have loved another child in the next few years or so but I wouldn’t want to do this alone or if I was alone for long periods of time knowing how hard I found it as a single parent when my sons dad left, I struggled hugely, I don’t have a village and it was exceptionally difficult for me to do it alone the first time, so it feels like I would have to sacrifice this.

What do I do? Can this work? I honestly feel devastated by the whole thing and just feel like he hasn’t gave a second thought about how it will affect my son and me, he’s still never even asked my thoughts or how I feel about it all.

No, it won't work.

I don't mean him going into the Navy (well, it's doubtful they'd accept him, but ...).

I mean you inflicting a chronic gambler on yourself and your child who has already been badly affected by their father's absence.

I mean you even considering accepting the behaviour of a flake who suddenly decides to make a life-changing choice that would leave you and your child feeling abandoned and alone again while still technically stuck with him.

I mean you accepting he's done this without even considering your feelings and presenting it as a done deal.

Get up off the doormat. This bloke's a dud.

I agree with PP that he seems to be ending your relationship. He is moving to the other end of the country without discussing it with you first.

Take control, end it and ask him to move out. Don't let yourself be used as a bed when he is back in town.

Yeah this. Surely one doesn't just 'join the navy'. There's loads of tests and training and medicals and checks and stuff. I think there's an age limit as well. How old is this guy?

It sounds almost unbelievable. I wonder if there's proof he's even at the early stages of recruitment?