Sister and harassment.

[WishSheWouldGoAway]

I've name changed for this.

I have always had a difficult relationship with my older sister. She's about eighteen months older than me. We never really liked each other.She was always a bully right from very young primary school age. She will do anything she can to put me down and make me look stupid, call me names, humiliated me, belittled me right from an early age.

Her bad treatment of me got worse. The older we got and it turned into pretty abusive behaviour and involved physical violence. I began to get aggressive back to her but the high levels of anger and constantly defending myself all through childhood and adolescence really took its toll.

Adulthood, nothing really changed.We just don't see eye to eye on anything. Instead of celebrating our differences, she constantly taunts me about how rubbish my life is compared to hers
It's just different. We may different choices in life. She ended up with a family and children. Albeit, she's divorced, and I ended up a career woman and missed my chance to have children because of an ex-partner who cheated on me and then it didn't work out with any subsequent relationships. And I became too old, really to have children. Mid forties not impossible, but Ive written it off.

Our mother became terminally ill and died.Almost two years ago. Whilst she was dying, I was the one who didn't have any children, and so my sister was of the view, that I should give up my entire life to become a full time carer for our mother, because she didn't want to go into a hospice. She was too ill to be anywhere but a hospice. She was in a bad way and could barely move.She needed full time medical care which I got her. Mum was, of course, miserable and wanted nothing more than to come home. But I couldn't be the carer without jeopardizing my job. And then what. Mum would die either way, and then that would leave me having compromised my job.

My sister's behavior towards me with so vicious and so abusive that I told her if she didn't stop it, I would cut her off.And that would be it. She didn't stop itAnd so I cut her off the day after mum's funeral, and never spoke to her again.

At the beginning, she hasn't stopped contacting me. It was constant vile, abusive messages saying, what a cunt I was for not being mom's full time carer that she would never forgive me blah blah blah blah.

There's other stuff, but I won't go into it. She got bored for a good few months but she started coming back again. A lot less abusive than before, but still quite threatening. Most recently she's realized I ve sold my house, and now she doesn't know where I live and so she's questioned me about that. That means she's actually looked at my house online and seen that it's been sold.

Most recently, she sent me messages, not understanding what she's done or why she's been cut off and telling me i'm just as much of a bit so what is it.

All I am going to say is I am not getting in contact with her again.I am sick and I am fucking tired of it i am fucking sick of her

No good will come of me.Being in touch with.However, again, I just know it.This dynamic has gone on as long as we've been alive. I have felt an untold peace ever since she hasn't been in my life anymore.

Don't actually know why I am posting. I guess if I go to the police about harassment, it will just stir her up. It might not be enough. Anyone been through this?Do they eventually give up?

And yes, she is blocked, but she uses methods of communication that can't be fully blocked such as email and it goes into spam folder, but I still see it when I go to clean out my junk folder.

Just go to the police and try and get a non-molestation order.

Applying for a non molestation order.Isn't that hard, you don't need to go to the police.It's done through the courts. but you don't know her like I do. It won't stop her.And once the orders lifted, i'm sure she d just do it again. But this is making me a nervous wreck, and i'm not sure what to do other than hope she just gives up eventually.

OP, she can send you as many emails as she likes - but you don’t have to read them! If you are deleting spam and junk, do you read the strange advertisements or requests for money, or notifications that you’ve won lotteries you haven’t entered? So why bother reading your sister’s emails? Just delete and move on.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I'd involve the law. Hopefully that will scare her into leaving you alone.

You are doing the right thing by not responding. She wants you to bite.

Because if she starts up again and becomes more abusive again, then i'm going to have to consider the police.And I can't delete anything in that case because it's evidence of her campaign of harassment.

It's actually getting serious if she's looking me up to see where I m living, and seeing that I ve moved.

I would get the non-mol. Make sure you ask for powers of arrest to be included and just get her nicked every time she contacts you.

If you haven’t already, opt out of the open register to make sure she can’t search for your new address.

A non mol doesn't need a penal notice. Breach of it is a criminal offence in itself. They're that powerful.

Honestly I would continue to ignore her and ignore her. Eventually she will have to get the message .
just because you are biologically related , it doesn't mean you have to have contact.

This

Change your email address to a new one? Its quite simple to set up a new hotmail one

Not all non-mols have a power of arrest attached. If it doesn’t have one, the police have to get a warrant first, if it has the power attached, they don’t have to get a warrant and can go get her straight away.

If you want to keep emails, perhaps rather than them going to junk can you filter them to a folder you don’t have to look in?

And in answer to your question if you do not respond ever, it is likely she will give up at some point but who knows when. I have experienced an estrangement and contact started as more frequent then tapered off - but would flare up from time to time e.g. at an anniversary

What a horrible family dynamic. You could try speaking to a solicitor about a 'cease - desist' letter if you don't feel like going to the police initially.

I'd just carry on ignoring her . If she finds out your address that's when I'd consider a non molestation order.

If you have moved far enough away to not risk seeing her and you don’t have connected people I change email if that’s her only contact .

alternatively report her to the police. If she continues she will eventually be arrested. She needs something to shake her up and stop this . Bully’s respond to weakness not strength.

You somehow need to stop reading her messages OP. You can block her on email as well as other devices. As long as you read them you will be triggered . They sound extremely upsetting. Sorry about your Mum.

I can understand why you're scared. She sounds a nightmare. You don't know the threat level she poses which makes you more scared.

There's still an element of psychological power she has over you and she knows this. You doubt yourself and question yourself and feed her need for supply from you. Once they smell and sense it's totally gone, there's no fear and you absolutely will take these fucking terrors on , head on, they most often will go away.

I believe you must create a new email account, don't go onto that one if you can. Don't read the emails. That's so tough I know. Delete immediately. Do you use SMedia? I believe this is such a problem in these situations and people you know can provide information to your sister this way.

Block her on every communication portal. Every single one. You remove her access.

She wants to feel your reaction, she wants drama, she wants arguments and fights. The moment you are totally inaccessible in every way, including her even knowing through a friend you're upset ( don't allow this), she will have to go elsewhere to bully.

I would definitely tell the Police at this stage. No minimising it. She needs to be shown. She's a bully. They thrive in fear and no action. The non mol order sounds very appropriate with this one.

I've already blocked her everywhere on social media that she has an account. My own social media accounts are completely lock down to the extent where if you aren't a friend with me.All you can see is my profile picture. So she wouldn't get any information that way.

What's actually bothered me so much this time is that she doesn't get it. The message she has sent me this time is feeling sad for herself and doesn't understand what she's done to make me cut her off. I can't believe she doesn't get it. This is why I genuinely think she has some kind of undiased personality disorder, because she can't possibly be that lacking in self awareness that she wouldn't understand why she's been cut off. She must have a mental health issue but I still dont want anything to do with her.

OP, you have made the right decision.
Never have any contact with her again and never give her your address.
Who cares what her issue is, she is toxic.
No good will come of ever having contact with her.
Speak to the police and do whatever you have to.
She is your past, focus on your future peace and protecting it.

She will have a personality disorder. Plenty do. It's absent of any reasonable behavior and she might even be sociopathic. More people than I like to admit have traits of this who I know.

So she won't ever understand or be like you or feel in the way you do. Cut the bitch off in every way forever.

I feel so much calmer with her out of my life. There is no one in my life who calls me names, swears at me and belittles my life.

I don't want to be drawn back into that dynamic.

I agree.
I have a sister who whilst nothing as bad as this, has over the years spoken nastily, with completely no filter, unprovoked.
I refused to have anything to do with her 20 years ago.
I actually warned her mid spew the last time, to be careful, as this will be the last time she speaks to me like that.
It has been.
She reached out a few times but I simply never responded, nor will I.
Life is too short and precious, to have people like this taking your peace.

She has done it a couple of time since I last posted on the thread.

It's just the usual aggressive digs at me. Throwing stuff in my face again that i've meant to have done, finding a way of doing that. She manages to work into every text she ever sends me something Ive done it is completely her own interpretation of it, and nothing i've actually done wrong.

I'm so tired of this. I haven't spoken to her at all for nearly two years. There has been radio silence from me.

Is she ever going to quit.

You need to contact the police.