kinks/fetishes

[CautiouslyMe]

I've NC for this for obvious reasons and avoided posting on the sex board because I kind of want serious advice about this.

I've recently met a guy through OLD. We had great chemistry and chat, where we bounced off eachother and it seemed pretty easy and natural. It has mainly been lighthearted from us starting with lots of banter. Reference to kinks were occasionally drip fed into conversation. At first I assumed it was a joke because its mainly been a blink and you miss it topic in our chats. However, we have now met (nothing intimate or anything has happened yet) and since then the subtle kink references have come full force. A brief mention has now transpired to having previously had a Instagram dedicated to one of them, it appears he have multiple but whilst finally named a few, is cagey about specifics when I probe further and switches the conversation back to joking around.

I've never had any experience with the world of fetish before, I'm slightly uncomfortable with the sudden shift and what I may be being led into here. So I've come here to ask a couple of questions to try and centre my thoughts...

Would you date someone with kinks? Do you have kinks and can expand more on that type of lifestyle or relationship? Is this something that can be looked past if things were to continue? Or am I just talking myself out of seeing multiple red flags here?

He wanted you to try out his fetishes before writing them off. I bet he did!! I hope no one falls for that line. Sounds like you’ve made the right decision OP

Football strips!!!!

I don’t even know what a slime/goo fethish would involve tbh, however if you’re not into what he is, whatever it is, then you are not compatible no matter what else you have in common.
He’s testing the water to gauge your reaction and dripping them as he goes. Maybe in time he’ll drip his true fetishes it this is it but unless you are also into them then I can’t see how it can work.

I asked my husband re the slime/goo thing and he said that it’s not a thing/never heard of it. Obviously it is a thing to some but it’s certainly not a common thing.

The slime might be weird but the voyerism is worrying.

You should look into the burned haystack dating method Facebook group/Instagram videos

Glad you’re done with him. His interests aren’t an issue (they don’t line up with mine but not yucking someone’s slime) his communication is. Anyone wanting to get into kinky play needs great communication and consent skills.

Oh another one who says my wife loves to be choked. Yes dear of course she does.

like he says he doesn’t have to have them actively played out to maintain a relationship, why mention so early days then ?
Wouldn’t you see how a relationship is progressing & how you are getting on with a new partner First .
If he is interested in a relationship & looking to strike up a connection with someone, his kinks in the bedroom shouldn’t be something he is discussing from the beginning..
I know as I have said already I have kinks, but that said when I meet someone that isn’t something at all I would be discussing from the get go , I’d be more interested in that persons company , getting to know them , forming a relationship, I don’t know OP there’s just something about this guy , I can’t quite put my finger on it , but something tells me he’s not geuine ..

Agree with pp, I’d run. Also I’m late 30s and date men my age including early 40s and never heard of or came across anyone with a slime fetish whatever that even is.

I think he’s trying to manipulate you - instead of acknowledging it’s unusual and asking if you want to be involved, he is trying to normalise it as typical of his age group so you feel reluctant to say no.

how old are you OP?

see this is one reason I’m usually not a fan of men my age dating way younger women! They often feed them all sorts of nonsense and claim it’s a generational /age thing if they get any pushback.

There's another thing that I have also just realised when i went to block him. His WhatsApp name is not the same as the name on his dating profile which is the name he's been letting me call him since the beginning 😳

Surely it depends on what they are? How do you know you won’t enjoy / like it if you’ve not tried it! Give everything a go once and don’t repeat if you’re not into it!

@Booksnbels I've just turned 30, he's 44.

See I told you there was something off about this guy !
I wouldn’t take any notice of not using his real name on dating App , lots don’t like to use their real name , but when you get chatting then it’s something that’s kinda said straight away ..
He has gone on a date with you & leaves you call him by a fake name !!!!
WTF ..
Stay miles away from him , he must think his luck is right in , You being 30 & him 44 ..

Maybe not with someone that has you calling them by a fake name !!!!!!

Ugh typical. Why am I not surprised.

Yeah you’re well rid, not surprised to see he has a different name on WhatsApp.

Honestly not saying younger men are perfect either and there are exceptions with age gaps but generally speaking you’re better getting with a man a bit closer to your age than 44. A lot of men that age are dating younger women with not the best of intentions. Plus if you’re thinking long term the age gap can become problematic.

No you don’t have to give everything a go at all.

In my 20s I had a guy ask if he could piss on me, I knew immediately it wasn’t for me and I have zero regrets about not taking the “opportunity” 😆

same goes for anal, again it wasn’t for me and will never be. I don’t have to try it out to know that.

Many women are actually left traumatised by that mentality of feeling they have to try everything out.

Help an old person out here! What is slime/goo? Do you stick snails 🐌 up your bum or something? 😩

If some guy told me he was into slime/goo I’d tell him to knock himself out cleaning out the shower drain.

I’m not interested in any form of sex I’d have to put down a tarp for. Life’s too short for that nonsense.

Im 36 and i have absolutely noooo idea lmao

Why are you dating so much older? Don’t do a huge age difference if you can help it. Sometimes it happens and it works out, usually it’s just older creepy men leering over inexperienced women they can better manipulate. You’re clearly naive and you need to protect yourself better.

Oh stuff that find someone your own age.

What is the kink. If it's something mainstream, such as shoes or feet, then whatever that's hardly shocking

If we're talking a breeding kink or having you tied up or whipped that's something else.

I dated a guy who had a foot fetish and he kind of started with that then slowly tried to introduce me to weirder and weirder stuff. Feet? I can deal with I guess, but it was the other stuff. It feels like it was a bit insidious, and when we split up his ex girlfriend messaged me and asked if I was okay. Turned out he had coerced her into doing some stuff she was very uncomfortable with over their six year relationship (ours was like 8/9 months). He didn’t really respect my boundaries looking back, and that’s a red flag kinky or not.

A lot of the time in my experience (and anecdotal experiences of friends) they start with the palatable stuff and spring the real weird shit on you later once you’re invested. If he wasn’t open and honest to start, red flag.

I feel I need to know now too, but am too scared to google it 😂

I have been involved in a kink-lite relationship and it was fantastic. He was the best lover I've ever had. Couldn't keep his pants up, but that's another story. He was so experienced and it was amazing. He was a dominant.

BUT, he really knew what he was doing with the whole kink thing. This means: Any and all activities are only undertaken if both give their ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT. It stops at any time with a safe word. And before you do anything, you go over a list of what you will and won't do, and he immediately forgets about anything you don't want to do. He never deviates from that list of activities, and of course you only do them in the moment if you want to. And he gives great aftercare; that is, lots of cuddling after and checking in to see if everything is OK and how you felt/feel. And there was no dominating of any kind until we had had the discussions and I had given him my enthusiastic, expressed permission to be my Dom.

Honestly, the whole thing was amazing and it taught me Olympic levels of respect, consent, and negotiation.

I'm assuming he wants to be your Dom and you his submissive. Don't say yes unless you're willing to cede control to him. A real Dom doesn't want you to do something you don't want to do. What he wants is the thrill of you handing him PERMISSION to dominate you. In a healthy Dom/sub relationship, the sub is actually the one in control, because she permits him to dominate her and she can revoke that permission at any time.

Playing with power that way was insanely hot. Get to know him better, feel him out, and see what you think. There should be no kink until you know him better and have had discussions about what you will and won't do. It's best for this to be written down. Yes, the famous kink "contract"!

If you have discussions and he wants to do all kinds of weird stuff that you hate the sound of, then you're simply not a match. My former Dom was a gentle Dom, and he never once wanted us to do anything that I wasn't comfortable with and very enthusiastic for. Which is not to say that it wasn't kinky. It was. But it was all stuff I wanted to do.