Does anyone else want a relationship for company, sex, companionship but not the more serious things?

[Collotape]

I’m early 30s but divorced for the last 5 years with 1 young son.
id like a relationship but I don’t think I want to live with someone, combine finances or families. Is this strange? All my friends say il feel differently when I meet the right person but I just don’t think want that

Do you mean pp , you have dated men all along but now are considering a relationship with a woman ?

😳100% and I have 20 years on you!!

They are the serious things, the things worth something and difficult. The rest is easy. Living with people and sharing bills etc is something people who have never lived away from their parents can do easily and without it meaning anything.

Not sure what you mean by family, kids then obviously that's a big thing and wanting or not wanting them is very unique to each person. But just being with someone is being family, whether living together or not.

My dp and I have only been together eight months but have no intention of ever living together,we both have had previous long relationships however we each like our own separate lives now. It's nice to meet up and be supportive of each other. It was funny when we were first dating as neither wanted to broach the subject , it was such a relief when it turned out that we both wanted the same type of relationship.

Bren in two long term monogamous marriages. Sounds like the perfect arrangement. My choice would be that or no man at all. To much work for no real benefit, I can diy,garden or pay to get things done. Eat,what I like do what I want,watch what or like or not. Babysit grandkids or not. The house looks exactly the same apart from the cats when you get home. Pets on the bed. Only time its not great is when you get flu and it takes sn hour to get yourself a drink.

I’ve got zero desire ever to share a home with a man again and I never want to “blend” families. The idea of dealing with someone else’s children is horrifying.

Yep that’s what I want but thus far from OLD it seems like it’s FWB or nothing

I probably agree with your friends- that when you meet ‘the one’ you may well want to get married and live together again. But does it matter who is right? Just do things that feel right for you at the time? If you go or don’t change your mind- who cares!

I had a couple of relationships like this before I met my DH when I was in my 20’s. Both parties knew going into it that monogamy was a must however, neither party felt the relationship would amount to marriage kids for numerous reasons culturally and religiously. I definitely can say I loved one of them the other was more respect for him as a man. It still never materialised into me wanting to marry them or have children with them. It’s not the same love or bond I have for my DH after 20 years of marriage and him being the father of my DC.

I think what you propose is perfectly normal. However, I believe the dating game has changed a lot since the 1990’s and monogamy is harder to expect in relationships as online dating has opened up a Pandoras Box. In the 1980’s and 1990’s monogamy was a more acceptable way to conduct yourself even in short term relationships (IME). Plus you could just walk into a sexual health clinic and get tested whenever you wanted any day of the week. I don’t believe these services are so easily accessible now.

You can create a very satisfying life on your terms, stuff the rest of society. My husband and I live a couple of doors away from each other. This has worked for us for years, we are very happy and incredibly close. Keeping autonomy is an enormous safety net, especially when you have children.

I think most younger women want to live with a partner because they want children.
When a woman no longer wants children, she is more likely to want her own space and living apart is ideal.
I also think most young men don’t want to marry and settle down with one partner. Most older men don’t want to live apart!
I think the ops idea sounds great if you can afford it.
I also agree with the poster upthread who said relationships often thrive when one or both partners work away.

I’m 35 this would be my ideal. But I’ve been single 7 years now. I just never find anyone I'm interested in. For me, the longer I have been single the more rigid I become in what I will put up with.

im sure lots of people wants relationships that don’t include the hard/messy bits.

maybe find another divorcee as the trauma and stress of divorce means they’re more likely to want a hands off relationship

Is that bad though? We're all adults here, sure they might be seedy sods married & after a shag, but equally could be genuine single dads not sure what the dating landscape of their future is.

I'm one of the later & to be clear I haven't messaged you! I wouldn't think it inappropriate to do so however. Are a lot of people on here with kids & are sure they never want to live with someone or be married again & the kids come 1st, however are also not happy to live forever more like a nun/monk - delete as appropriate!

Yes it’s bad!! It’s breaking mumsnet rules and completely inappropriate. I hope you reported OP

Men are ONLY after wank fodder or sex from potentially vulnerable women. It’s predatory behaviour. If they want either of those things there are many sites available (plus mainstream dating sites) where the women who have profiles are open to messages.

I have this. I am older (mid 50s). DP and I each have our own houses, finances, adult children, and like having our own space, but are in a committed, mutually supportive relationship, which is perfect at our time of life. We are also longish distance (45 mins) , so we meet in the week in the middle for dates and spend most weekends together. Also go on holiday together.

It did take a little getting used to from my end as I felt a little lonely initially but it works well now.

Why would anyone want to chat to someone with the hopes of getting on well & arranging a date when they don’t even know what that person looks like??
It’s looking very likely that the two who pmd OP are not geuine ..
We all know on the Dating Apps it’s looks we are drawn to first & then chat to see how things go ..

Oh heavens yes. Do not ask to move in, as rejection often offends. Come around, hang out, stay over a couple of nights, yes, please do. I can’t be arsed to fully involve myself with a man again. Too much bother. And mess.