Does anyone else want a relationship for company, sex, companionship but not the more serious things?

[Collotape]

I’m early 30s but divorced for the last 5 years with 1 young son.
id like a relationship but I don’t think I want to live with someone, combine finances or families. Is this strange? All my friends say il feel differently when I meet the right person but I just don’t think want that

I’m married but yeah I think it would be perfect to be in a committed relationship but without sharing a home etc. I can very imagine that working pretty well for me, with the right person ofcourse.

My last relationship would have been perfect if he didn’t turn out to be a twat!

Lived an hour apart, only saw each other weekends, nights out, regular dates, weekends away and holidays but only met each others DC on a handful of occasions, didn’t meet wider family (he never met my parents) and it suited us both.

If I had that with a non twatty bloke that’s my ideal I’d rather be single than a full on relationship

I also like the idea of this, I am widowed and for 80% of the time I am happy been single but it would be nice to have someone to share things with like meals out , cinema, live music, holidays and sex.
I know I can do all of the above alone but somethings ( 😉 😳 ) are better done as a couple.
But i definitely wouldn't want to live with anyone again.

I wonder if that's why so many couples still have a strong relationship when one of them is away a lot , like in the forces , oil rigs , long distance drivers and such like.

Perhaps they wish to make a long term commitment to each other, but not live together? And have next of kin rights too which are important.

I have what you describe. May or may not move in together when kids all move out but definitely before. Message everyday & see each other 3 times a fortnight. We’ve met each others kids but kids not met each other. It works for us as we both have a lot going on in our lives.

@CollotapeYou asked about what people want from a relationship and listed what you wanted. My DD2 in particular has found men don’t want the serious stuff. It was meant to be irony! Many young women cannot find men to settle down with so no mould being broken by you.

Ah ok I understand now. Suppose when we say men don’t want those things it’s a negative but when women said it (like I am now) it’s a positive

I knew I would get asked this and yes you are correct. Although choosing to live apart we are still fully committed to our relationship and getting married felt right to us, I love being his wife. Granted it is not for everyone but why do we have to stick to convention? Many marriages fail but ours thrives because we live apart.

We both have clear wills and my DC would benefit from 50% each of my death in service lump sum if I were to die now and DH gets my pension - all planned out and discussed.

Marriage aside I chose not to integrate a man into the home lives of my then young teenage children. He is also 10 years older than me and has grown up kids so it worked well for him too. We see each other every weekend but have busy lives in the week. We support and love each other, talk twice a day at least, go out for meals, walks, have great sex, go on holidays and city breaks. I love coming home to my own place and having my own space. We relocated to a lovely part of the country a few years ago. It is the best of both worlds for us, granted it won't be for everyone but this is our life.

Edited to add we also earn very similar so no financial issues, we never share money but each pay our way.

I’m divorced and would love to have a set-up like this. I miss companionship and intimacy, but have no intention of combining my life with someone again.

I have had this for the last 10 years, and yes, it is the perfect set up. My kids have grown up and the last one will fly the nest next autumn all being well. My DP and I are making plans to move in together. His home is on the market and with the money from that he will buy half my home and that will pay off the mortgage.

I have loved having the two homes though it is a faff trying to remember where I left the lipstick or shoes I need on a given day, and yes, it’s not the cheap option. That said, it feels like the time is right for us now. There will be lots of space for us in our home and we have plans to turn it into a proper grown ups house.

When kids are small your life revolves around them, and it doesn’t feel like there’s a lot of space for anything else in your life. This could be why a part time boyfriend is so appealing. As my kids grew older, gradually stopped doing all their clubs, and started learning to drive, I have more space and time to commit to the relationship. My DP has been a great adult figure in their lives and my kids love him dearly. They’re thrilled we’re moving in together, though sad at the loss of the beach apartment!

I have this, as we both are in 40s, own places and small DC. I’m happy with it but he I think wants more and has “family unit” as a goal. I’ve come to realise that a blended family won’t work for me and my DC. Not sure it’s him or just any new person I’d feel the same. I miss not having that constant support around the house - he’s great at cooking and cleaning and I am not so much!

@MayaPinionIt’s lovely to hear that it’s worked for you. I get worried about whether it can be maintained for years but it sounds like it’s possible and every relationship takes work. I’m worried that after many years of not sharing a house with an adult that I won’t want to. I think my ideal would be two adjacent semi detached homes!! (Maybe with an interconnecting door 🤣)

I have this with my (admittedly fairly new) partner, and I can't see it changing in the near future. We're both in our sixties - I'm widowed and he's divorced. We see each other most weeks and have holidays together. The thing that might change this arrangement is age and health perhaps. I can imagine that as life gets a bit more challenging, it would be lovely to be there for one another 24/7, although at some point one person would probably end up doing a lot of caring, unless you both crumbled at the same rate!

I feel like lots of people are choosing this option but a lot for universal credit reasons rather than freedom.

this Would be my ideal setup.
I miss the companionship and having someone to do things with. I have a fairly active social life, plenty of extra curricular stuff to keep me busy and I don’t mind my own company at all.

Mine wasn't as never claimed UC although us living together would’ve massively affected my children’s Uni loans. Still wasnt the reason we chose not to live together though. Financially we’d be far better off living in one place.

@Collotape Well many young women are struggling to find men who want dc. Hardly a great future for them or for the country with a low birth rate and high taxation that will impinge on everyone else.

Thanks for all your responses.

Ive woke to 2 private messages on mumsnet from 2 men propositioning me saying this is their ideal set up and would I be interested in chatting more or meeting them…:

there’s no escaping

Yes this is what I’m looking for. I’m in my 40’s and I can’t see myself going down the living together, combining everything route.
Sex, companionship and living apart is the perfect scenario for me.

My Mum and her second husband never lived together, or combined finances, even once they married. She wasn't Step-Mum to her husbands kids either.

They tended to spend a couple of nights at his every week, a couple of nights at hers, and then a couple of nights separately. They'd take some holidays together, some separately.

It seemed to work really well for them. Unfortunately my Mum died of cancer a few years after they married, about a decade after they'd first got together, but I do think they'd probably have maintained that setup until at least their 70's otherwise.

Neither my partner nor I claim universal credit.
The DC wouldn’t want us to all live together so we don’t.

I appreciate some may do it due to benefits but I don’t know if maintaining two households would actually mean this isn’t the best decision financially.

In my experience, it has been my male partners pushing to live together as a family unit. I’d rather that expectation wasn’t there so it’s great to read these positive experiences

Yes it’s the best of both worlds. Makes for an easier life .

That’s exactly what I want !
A geuine guy I find attractive, & click with that I will never live with though , Oh & faithful , think that’s something a lot of men struggle with when they live with you , not to mind live apart 🙈😂

Yes! But not with another man.. I’m so over men.