Told to stop being needy

[Tumblingthroughlife]

I've been in a relationship with this guy for the last 6 months . Everything's been going really well and we recently discussed moving in together in another 6 months all being well. It was him that initially brought this up . We just spent 2 weeks together, both off work , and I thought we'd had a great time. He's gone fishing today, and I thought I'd send a nice message to him saying how nice the last couple of weeks had been and that I wished we could do it all the time. He didn't respond to that but sent me another unrelated message. So I jokingly replied saying something along the lines of 'I'm glad you feel the same'. He sent me a reply saying he was busy fishing 'stop being so needy😆" with a laughing emoji. But that he'd had a nice time too. I don't know what to think and I'm spiralling. I haven't messaged him back. But I feel like this a sign that he's fed up of me . He was fine yesterday and this morning so I don't understand .

I disagree with others, you sent a nice sweet message — you’re in love! — and he was nasty and poured cold water on it

Don't be so horrible.

shes not 'acting like a child' she's acting like someone with anxiety, over thinking.

Theres no need to be horrible to someone struggling.

he was NOT nasty!

he sent a jokey comment, with a laughing emoji.

FFS

You're overthinking this. If I'd been with someone for 2 weeks and was enjoying a day relaxing without them I'd be slightly anoyed at your texts but it wouldn't be that deep. I'd probably send a similar reply in a jokey way to let you know you are being needy without being mean about it.

Sounds like he was joking. Your response to it makes you done across as needy. You're not ready to move in with him.

The emoji means he's joking. There's no problem, forget it.

👍

Absolute rubbish.

People go fishing for peace and quiet. Time to yourself and relaxation.

This.

Boys are zoned out when fishing -

What were you doing today? Did you not arrange anything?

Im usually too busy to text

Or he really was just enjoying the fishing and the peace.

He was having a joke with you. The irony is you are being needy with your response!

Righto 🤔

You’ve given him the ick.

I also think that after only six months you’re discussing moving in is off putting.

You do sound needy and most men hate that.

This is not going to be a lasting relationship.

You do sound needy. I would not be txting someone who is fishing to be honest..txt messages are sometimes ambiguous/ open to.misinterpretation. I remember i spoilt an evening of my birthday by misinterpreting a text. I was so annoyed with myself

Id make sure i had and maintained some separate activities or interests too OP. It's healthy.

I love the bones of my husband but I'm an introvert and he's an extrovert, and he'd love to be with me 24/7 if he could, whereas I need a little decompressing time by myself every now and again. He often texts me 'miss you' when we've spent a lot of time together like on holiday and have to go back to work - I don't reply 'miss you too' because I don't! I reply 'love you' so he knows I hear the sentiment but I'm not going to say something I don't mean. Your guy was doing the same. He was happy to hear from you but he didn't validate your feeling that you wanted more time together because he was having a bit of downtime on his own and that wasn't what he was feeling in that moment. Surely you wouldn't have wanted him to say it and not mean it? You can't be looking for validation all the time - it will only lead to disappointment.

My first thought was, 'you haven't been fishing before'.
Just let him enjoy his hobby.
It would be like if he was taking a swing with a golf club or lining up a snooker cue, and his phone buzzed.
Later on in the day he can tell you about 'the one that got away'
.

The fact that you started a thread on something so tiny does rather show you are an over thinker and probably quite needy. However, quite a few people like the reassurance of being needed in a relationship, so it isn’t necessarily a problem. You don’t have to be perfect and neither does he.

I agree with this.

I am/have been you. I was so incredibly needy with an anxious attachment style. When someone I liked pulled back I gave more which was incredibly off putting for them.

I have sought professional help for my anxiety and they are also assisting in relationships. It’s not just about not messaging or leaving it hours to message back etc, i used go do that but would be riddled with anxiety and deeply unhappy the entire time. Then I would be seeking validation as you are. That’s not normal.

Now I’m working through it I recognise my own worth and what qualities I bring to the table. If someone doesn’t message back after a while I now just shrug it off without the feelings of anxiousness. I’m mid 30s partner is 40. We are busy people.

Now that I’m recognising my worth I am MUCH more happy and attracting what I want out of life.

Do seek the help. Honestly it’s been life changing for me.

This doesn't sound like overthinking but something deeper. Have you ever explored this with a therapist? If not I think you would benefit from it. You will build a much more healthier relationship when you find your confidence and validation within yourself, when you feel good on your own and the partner enhances your experience.

@Tumblingthroughlife this is an excellent book which can be bought cheaply online.

It's no surprise that our fast-paced, overly self-analytical culture is pushing many people - especially women - to spend countless hours thinking about negative ideas, feelings, and experiences.

Renowned psychologist Dr Susan Nolen-Hoeksema calls this overthinking, and her groundbreaking research shows that an increasing number of women - more than half of those in her extensive study - are doing it too much and too often, leading to sadness, anxiety, and depression.

In Women Who Think Too Much, Nolen-Hoeksema shows us what causes so many women to be overthinkers and provides concrete strategies that can be used to escape these negative thoughts, move to higher ground, and live more productively.

The author -
Susan Nolen-Hoeksema is Professor and Chair in the Department of Psychology at Yale University. Her research focuses on depression and mood regulation.

Prior to joining the faculty of Yale in 2004, she was a faculty member at University of Michigan and Stanford University.

Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema has received three major teaching awards and numerous awards for her research on depression, mood regulation, and gender, including the David Shakow Early Career Award from the American Psychological Association, and the Leadership Award from the Committee on Women of the American Psychological Association.

Her research has been funded by grants from private foundations and the National Institute on Mental Health. Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema has published over 100 research articles and a dozen books, including scholarly books, textbooks, and three books for the general public on women’s mental health

Kindly, OP, this. There is help you can get. When we’re anxious and insecure we can naturally reassurance seek, aka being needy. It can push people away, so defo worth addressing.

BF may have also genuinely found the 2 weeks a bit intense, despite having a fab time, given you guys are only 6 months in.

Saying you wish you could ‘do it more often’ might have landed better, than wishing you could ‘do it all the time’. If he had found himself feeling glad for the fishing trip, ‘all the time’ may have just felt a bit too much.

He sounds like a good egg though, so I hope it all goes well!