Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend of one year has started ‘negging’ me?

40 replies

Chattyapple123 · 18/08/2025 17:42

My bf rings me everyday, booked a holiday for us, says he loves me everyday and still compliments but he has recently started 'negging' me.

He will make fun of me for my fake tan, says that I can't drive and that im muscly because Ive been going to the gym.

I said today why are you being mean and he said with his closest friends you start to banter them and do playful insults and as our relationship has deepened I like to roast and joke with you now.

Im autistic so don't know if I am reading too much into it but l've seen posts that say if they start being mean to you thats a bad sign.
Is he playfully flirting or is he trying to upset me?

OP posts:
YodasHairyButt · 18/08/2025 17:44

Regardless of his intentions, you don’t like it. If he doesn’t respect that and stop doing it, that would make me rethink the relationship.

Cutleryclaire · 18/08/2025 17:47

Well tell him straight you don’t like it and nip it in the bud. He can roast his mates that do find it funny.

Devilsmommy · 18/08/2025 17:47

Start doing it back to him and if he gets arsey just give his stupid spiel about banter back to him

MamaElephantMama · 18/08/2025 17:49

I wouldn’t accept it as being a joke or playful banter. He is insulting you and it’s likely to continue and increase.

No man on this earth would get away with roasting me, I would be gone.

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 18/08/2025 17:51

Does he know you're autistic?

Either way it doesn't really matter as if you don't like it then you don't like it.

How many times has he done this and how many times have you told him to stop?

smallsilvercloud · 18/08/2025 17:51

you’re not one of his mates, he should be treating you with respect especially as you’ve told him you don’t like it.
If he doesn’t stop from now on, finish it, nothing worse with constant put downs which will damage your self esteem.

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 18/08/2025 17:51

I went out with a man like this, he’s trying to lower your self esteem slowly. Leave him

Arlanymor · 18/08/2025 17:52

If he doesn't like it - he shouldn't do it - it's that simple.

Treeleaf11 · 18/08/2025 17:54

People don't have the same type of relationship with the partner and friends, it isn't the same thing. I would hate that type of relationship with a partner.

rolloverbeethoven · 18/08/2025 17:54

You know the difference between men and women? Woman has a haircut - ooh you look nice! say her friends.
Man has a haircut - where does he live, we'll get him for you! say his friends. Male banter works with other men, but women find it upsetting and belittling. You need to tell him that, OP.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/08/2025 17:55

He now needs to be your ex boyfriend because he is not kind to you. He targeted you to abuse you so you need to end this relationship.

Eversince · 18/08/2025 17:55

I don’t call that flirting and I wouldn’t like that myself.

GeneralPeter · 18/08/2025 17:57

None of knows this guy. If there’s no back story I’d be inclined to take him at his word: it does sound like banter. That seems more likely than psychological games to lower your self-esteem.

If you don’t like it then tell him. He might find it cold of you, if that’s a normal part of how he relates to people he is close to, and you’ll have to figure something out. Either he stops, you put up with it, or you split up.

stayathomer · 18/08/2025 18:00

Yeah sorry op, banter’s fine but if you feel like it’s mean then either he is or he isn’t but either way you are absolutely not compatible

NewBlueNoteBook · 18/08/2025 18:02

GeneralPeter · 18/08/2025 17:57

None of knows this guy. If there’s no back story I’d be inclined to take him at his word: it does sound like banter. That seems more likely than psychological games to lower your self-esteem.

If you don’t like it then tell him. He might find it cold of you, if that’s a normal part of how he relates to people he is close to, and you’ll have to figure something out. Either he stops, you put up with it, or you split up.

But sure the point is that he’s only just started doing this after a year. That’s a red flag if ever I saw one.

Personally OP in your shoes I would explain seriously how much I disliked this new behaviour and that it was impacting how I felt about him.

If he doesn’t stop I’d reconsider the relationship- partners should lift you up , not bring you down.

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/08/2025 18:04

Beware the man who does something shitty and says its all "banter" or "roasting". It's a ready-made get out of jail free card.

If you don't like it, tell him you don't like it and if he keeps doing it, bin him off.

DaisyChain505 · 18/08/2025 18:04

You don’t like this behaviour and he should listen and respect you. Making jokes about your appearance isn’t ok.

TwistedWonder · 18/08/2025 18:07

It’s not banter - that’s back and forth both parties joining in. He’s doing what do many twatty blokes do - digging at you and then claiming you’ve got no sense of humour when you don’t like what he’s doing.

I would tell him absolutely it had to stop, it’s rude and disrespectful- his reaction will tell you all you need to know

MamaElephantMama · 18/08/2025 18:10

He has the potential of putting you down and chipping away at you, especially since you’ve taken it as his being hurtful.

Don’t be fooled by him hiding behind the good guy persona of him calling you daily and saying he loves you. This is how some make you think you’re crazy.

whitepowerbank · 18/08/2025 18:12

Ugh. You have yourself a man-child @Chattyapple123 . Get rid.

Aria2015 · 18/08/2025 18:14

Well you can soon find out. Just tell him that you don't like it. If it's innocent and was just his attempt at gentle teasing, then he'll stop once you tell him you don't like it. If there is something more sinister behind it eg negging, he'll continue regardless because making you feel bad is what he wants.

Be clear about what you want and what you don't like eg 'I don't like it when you say those things. I'd like you to stop' if he pushes back and says 'it's just banter', just tell him that it's not funny to you and you still want him to stop.

AgnesX · 18/08/2025 18:16

He sounds clueless frankly. The OP doesn't like it and she needs to tell him so. The minute she does he stops.

Banter my arse.

GeneralPeter · 18/08/2025 18:24

@NewBlueNoteBook

But sure the point is that he’s only just started doing this after a year. That’s a red flag if ever I saw one

It could be, for sure. Or in his mind they are settling into a proper secure relationship, not trying-to-impress-each-other dating.

Either way if she doesn’t like it they’ve got to figure something out and she shouldn’t stay if he makes her feel bad.

Coconutter24 · 18/08/2025 18:27

Just because he likes to do it, it doesn’t mean you have to like it. Tell him you don’t like it and to keep that sort of roasting for his friends

Ohmygodthepain · 18/08/2025 18:40

Arlanymor · 18/08/2025 17:52

If he doesn't like it - he shouldn't do it - it's that simple.

Op doesn't like it - so he shouldn't do it!

Since when is it up to the victim to turn it back on the aggressor to ' see how they like it'?

It stops today op, or you walk away. Anything else shows he has zero respect for you.