Background is married for 14 and together nearly 20 years.
When we first got together, mad for one another and then whilst meeting a wider circle of friends, met the girl…
You know the one that instantly has to make sure you KNOW they have a special relationship/friendship.Girl that lived on same side of the road and shared childhood kind of friendship.
Made no effort to be my friend and after waving a red flag (in my view), that wouldn’t have been welcomed anyway. She did subsequently apologise some years later which is of course gracious, but I don’t like her and feel she doesn’t like me.
I made it clear at the time to my then boyfriend that I just don’t like her. I confided in someone within our wider friendship group and she then told her partner who then started saying I was jealous. Which, of course I was.
The point being I suppose, I shouldn’t be jealous or threatened by anyone in a relationship that’s strong and so it seemed he’d completely taken that onboard until the last few years.
A group friend holiday was suggested. I said I wasn’t fussed for going. Then was told that she was going. So no permission asked for and I’ve swallowed it down and really tried hard not to act like a jealous, irrational person as I know feel secure in the fact that he wouldn’t cheat.
She has a family and a partner who my husband seems to really like and admire.
After returning from the last trip he made some comments about her appearance that weren’t flattering. Which I think was a clumsy attempt to assure me that there was no possible attraction there.
I’ve spent every single one of these years feeling periodically anxious and a vague sense of dread and invited friends to come
and stay to distract me from spiralling.
This year, I’m sitting with it a bit more and just realised I think that he’s happy with my discomfort over him feeling any of his own about this. He didn’t ask for permission so it’s forgiveness and I just cannot see, that if the roles were reversed that he wouldn’t be cross with me, or more that I wouldn’t expose him to that on a yearly basis.
its not that I think he’ll cheat, it’s that they have this weird shared emotional thing that I’ve been exposed to and now somehow my DC are going on holiday with her there.
I feel like I’m living in a twilight zone. All the other WAGS obviously haven’t had this experience with her and their partners so it’s fine for them.
Clearly I haven’t been great at communications my boundaries about this as I’m really angry about it, exacerbated by I think a few other things happening within the dynamics of our relationship.
I know I am feeling jealous. I just don’t feel it’s fair or appropriate given how I feel about this particular person for him to insist almost on going and participating despite knowing how sensitive I may feel about it.
I need to raise this but I can’t find the words and would like some advice please oh wise ones.