DH attention during conversation

[NoSourDough]

Was wondering if anyone else’s DH does this or if I’m making something out of nothing here.

Been with DH a long time (25 years) we have a solid relationship but a difference in faith/belief system. I am very spiritual, he is an atheist.

The problem is that whenever I talk to him about a subject that falls under this umbrella that is important to me, it’s like he deliberately sabotages the conversation . He will suddenly look down at the dog as I’m speaking mid sentence and say “stop biting my ankle” or there will be some other distraction he will be drawn to. In a nutshell, I am left unheard.

i challenged him today then he got shirty and recited everything I said to him and said I had a habit of “glossing over” when he speaks to me about certain subjects to it’s fair play really.

for the record, I don’t go on and on about such subjects. I just find it quite childish how his behaviour changes the moment we are on the subject, borderline rudeness.

can anyone else relate and any advice how to deal with this in the future? Perhaps I just won’t talk about such things.

I'm agnostic and respect people who have faith but am not particularly interested in hearing about it. It depends what you're talking about and why. For example, if you're discussing arrangements for a christening, I would listen. If you were telling me about a really intense praying session, I'd probably zone out.

I'm sorry, I'm with your husband here. I can't cope with that sort of conversation at all and would do anything to put an end to it.

It was a conversation about science

Erm well if he was able to repeat what you said then he was listening lol...I guess some things not everyone is interested in

Talk about your belief’s with people who share them would be my advice- not many people want to hear about someone’s belief system when it is entirely different from theirs.

What about science?

TBH after 20+ years don't we all glaze over when our OH speaks?

If it's a conversation about science...is there a disagreement in that your faith doesn't align with the scientific explanation for certain things?

He should respect your opinion but if he clearly doesn't agree, won't change his mind, and doesn't want to talk about it then you should respect that.

Discussing this podcast, but I don’t want a debate on here about this podcast.

I thought he might like it because she is a neuroscientist.

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-diary-of-a-ceo-with-steven-bartlett/id1291423644?i=1000721903278

In what way?

Yes it is rude, but why do you talk to him about these things if you know he's not interested and always tries to change the subject? In his situation I wouldn't be rude, but I'd probably wish you would stop talking about it, unless what you were after was a debate - I'll happily engage in those! Fwiw I could not be married to someone who saw the world in such a different way from how I see it. Friends yes of course, married no.

I told him about the podcast I was enjoying (see my post above) and recommended it to him.

I think you just have to not talk about it. My dad's partner loves soaps. Not in a minute would she talk to DF about it. If so he'd literally probably say oh what's that outside as that's the kind of sense of humour he has. All else being well, can you find somewhere else as way to express your spiritual side? She volunteered helping people when they were dying. I honestly can't imagine doing that, but it sounded incredible and I know she found it deeply rewarding.

😂 Can I get you a cup of tea dear? Is pretty much the most common conversation after 20 years I imagine.

By 'spiritual' you mean the supernatural, tarot, crystals, reiki, spiritualism etc?

Some people are very dismissive of those beliefs OP, you see it here all the time with scathing comments about 'woo' and fraudsters. There are lots of people interested in it, perhaps discuss it with them instead.

If anyone tried to discuss that podcast with me seriously, I'd despair. If it was a partner, I'd have to start chewing the carpet.

Can't you just accept he isn't aligned with you on this and leave it be? Join groups that do have an interest in those topics?

Oh god I've tried to talk to people about amazing thought provoking podcasts I've listened to. No one cares 😂 Would you pay money to go to a talk about this IRL? That's the level at which I'd say its a serious interest.

I absolutely would pay money to talk about / listen to this irl!

You need to find mates who share your interests. Our DHs can’t be into all the same things as us. Have you got a Red Tent group near you, for example?

As soon as you notice him glazing over or losing interest just stop talking. He really doesn't care. Don't talk at him about stuff that only you are interested in.

Thank you. I have lots of friends connected to my faith and practice, I run a group within the local community (although not a red tent group).

I think I’m not going to mention anything in the future to him specifically.

I agree with pp that I wouldn't want to hear about this guff. But I think there's a different issue here, which I recognise. My partner is an inattentive listener. When I'm talking, she will often pretend that something has caught her eye, then say "sorry, it's just there was a funny bird out there" (or whatever). It's a way of getting me to shut up and take the focus back to her. It's linked with interrupting to ask unnecessary questions, on the spurious grounds that she needs to clarify something. Which could have waited. I think it is disrespectful and self-absorbed. I've tackled her about it multiple times, but the plausible deniability is strong with her.

Yes this is it

"World-leading neuroscientist Dr Tara Swart reveals why we have 34 senses, not 5, how grief cracked open her consciousness, and the shocking science behind signs, intuition, and real communication with the dead."
I'd have a lot of difficulty talking about this with anyone as I'd imagine my opinion might feel hurtful to them. Maybe your DH thinks discussing it would lead to an argument? Have you always had very different opinions on this kind of topic or is it something that's developed over time?

I think that sometimes use the word 'conversation' when it's just one person talking about what they want to talk about - not saying this is necessarily what happened here - but I see a lot of examples on this board. For a proper conversation - i.e. not just a quick chat about whose turn it is to buy the milk - you need to carve out time when you're both ready and want to talk about a topic - this goes double for deeper/more complex issues.

I love rugby, it's one of my three passions - I can count on one hand the people that I can dissect a rugby match with IRL, because it's just not for everyone. That also includes all but two of my exes, only two liked or understood the game enough to want a conversation. My ex husband never did so I never spoke about it with him.