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Original poster

Feeling hurt about being left out by boyfriend’s sisters

53 replies

CookieElizabether · 10/08/2025 22:55

boyfriend has a brother and 2 sisters, one sister and brother live close by. The sister who lives further away had arranged to come and stay with the local sister. For context I was actually messaging her the same day she was visiting but she never mentioned it.

Both sisters do not like the other brothers wife, they have openly said how they avoid her and make it difficult for her attend things everybody else is invited to… i.e the clever idea of arranging something when they know she is working. I don’t like this behaviour it seems mean and must make it difficult for the the wife.

I have always been very welcoming and made lots of effort which isn’t always reciprocated but the sisters have each other and I am an only child so appreciate I’m not at all needed or important to them. I have come to the relationship with a child, the sister who lives further away has a child and the brother does as well. I have invited them all to his birthday party, but my message hasn’t been read. I ask about their kids and often spend time with the brothers son who is a similar age to my child.

i had pre planned a day trip which the sisters knew about, they come to our house with a cake as it is the sisters sons bithday next week, they have candles and then their brother and his son also turn up. My boyfriend calls me when I am an hour away and he says the sisters have said they will see me tomorrow (they never replied to my previous message and this hasn’t been arranged) and he says they’ll be gone by the time I’m home but be wanted to check how far away I was as they are about to leave but would hang on for me.

Anyway, they then stay another 45mins, and leave just before I get home…. I felt a bit disrespected as it’s our home and it felt like me and my son had not been considered. I just wanted my boyfriend to understand how it looked. (Planned so we couldn’t be there). I don’t have family, my mum passed when I was young and my dad lives in another country now. I got on so well and was so accepted by two exes families that this just feels odd.

i am probably being sensitive but also worry they maybe don’t like me. I feel awful as I stupidly said how it made me to my boyfriend and he defended them which didn’t feel nice.

The father of my child had an affair, we were together for over a decade. My boyfriend has a big problem with me having a relationshop
with my exes parnets (son’s grandparents) so I’ve ended it. I don’t see them, unless I have to. I guess I am feeling a bit like I lost so much of my family through marriage and it’s why it stings a bit.

I feel childish and I certainly do not want to make things difficult for my boyfriend. Family is important and he should have a close relationship with his sisters and of course do things on his own with them. Don’t know why this stung so much, I feel so silly and disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
CookieElizabether · 11/08/2025 06:54

No they still still see him once a week just his dad takes our son to them and I do too on the occasion. I just don’t have the same relationship with them as my boyfriend told me I was disrespecting him
by staying for a cuppa tea etc but I believe it’s important for my son and them. That wasn’t the issue it’s why I didn’t explain it properly.

OP posts:
Aimtodobetter · 11/08/2025 06:56

I don’t know how long you’ve been dating your boyfriend but generally it is unrealistic to expect people with a relationship from birth to immediately embrace you as family as well - if you want a genuine relationship you need to give it time and space to develop authentically. Trying to force it is stupid. As other’s have said, it’s also strange that you then went and rejected the people you had already built a family like relationship with just because your boyfriend wanted you to - for the record, I’d never end a close friendship never mind a “family” relationship for a partner. I’m assuming you still let your child see them but to the extent that also reduced his relationship with his grandparents that sound nice - that was really not a good move. Stop trying to force other people to give you what you feel you are missing and focus on building that where you can (your child’s grandparents, close friends, etc).

Chicaontour · 11/08/2025 06:56

That's awful that you ended the relationship with your child's grandparents. Can you imagine how hurtful that would be for them after supporting you throught their sons infidelity. The chances are that it impact how much they see your child.

moose62 · 11/08/2025 06:58

Your BF doesn't respect you, doesn't stand up for you, and obviously doesn't care if his family exclude you.
You don't really have a family so don't exclude your son's grandparents. You don't know when you might need them or be grateful of the relationship.
Don't worry about the 'mean girls' but try and form other meaningful relationships. This won't be the last time they exclude you.

Pumpkinpie1 · 11/08/2025 07:16

Have you ever thought about going for therapy OP ? You seem to care about the opinions of the wrong people and those who do care you allow them to be pushed out because of the opinion of a boyfriend.

Are you being controlled or is your low self esteem the issue ?
The sisters and your boyfriend sound …….

Cilliana · 11/08/2025 07:47

I just don’t have the same relationship with them as my boyfriend told me I was disrespecting him
by staying for a cuppa tea etc but I believe it’s important for my son and them

It is important.
You shouldn’t have to stop seeing them to please your boyfriend. He shouldn’t be telling you who you can and cannot see.

Soontobe60 · 11/08/2025 07:54

My boyfriend has a big problem with me having a relationshop
with my exes parnets (son’s grandparents) so I’ve ended it. I don’t see them, unless I have to. I guess I am feeling a bit like I lost so much of my family through marriage and it’s why it stings a bit
This is a massive red flag. Why have you stopped seeing your child’s GPs just because some bloke you’re seeing says so? That’s very controlling behaviour. The whole family sounds batshit and my advice would be to get well out of there, visit your child’s GPs (I bet they’d love to see him) and stand on your own 2 feet.

Soontobe60 · 11/08/2025 07:55

CookieElizabether · 11/08/2025 06:54

No they still still see him once a week just his dad takes our son to them and I do too on the occasion. I just don’t have the same relationship with them as my boyfriend told me I was disrespecting him
by staying for a cuppa tea etc but I believe it’s important for my son and them. That wasn’t the issue it’s why I didn’t explain it properly.

Absolutely this is the issue - you have a controlling BF who’s telling you who you can and cannot see. In reality, he’s the one disrespecting you!

TombsofAtuan · 11/08/2025 08:36

CookieElizabether · 11/08/2025 06:54

No they still still see him once a week just his dad takes our son to them and I do too on the occasion. I just don’t have the same relationship with them as my boyfriend told me I was disrespecting him
by staying for a cuppa tea etc but I believe it’s important for my son and them. That wasn’t the issue it’s why I didn’t explain it properly.

And you just went along with that? Seriously, OP. Stop fixating on his sisters and start asking yourself questions about whether this man isn’t just a common-or-garden turd. As yourself in what possible way maintaining a close relationship with your child’s paternal grandparents is ‘disrespecting’ your boyfriend.

Endofyear · 11/08/2025 09:02

CookieElizabether · 11/08/2025 06:54

No they still still see him once a week just his dad takes our son to them and I do too on the occasion. I just don’t have the same relationship with them as my boyfriend told me I was disrespecting him
by staying for a cuppa tea etc but I believe it’s important for my son and them. That wasn’t the issue it’s why I didn’t explain it properly.

Well your boyfriend sounds like an arse and his family sound horrible - if I were you I would dump him and then problem solved - you don't have to see his bitchy sisters any more!

Rosegoldy · 11/08/2025 12:51

CookieElizabether · 11/08/2025 06:54

No they still still see him once a week just his dad takes our son to them and I do too on the occasion. I just don’t have the same relationship with them as my boyfriend told me I was disrespecting him
by staying for a cuppa tea etc but I believe it’s important for my son and them. That wasn’t the issue it’s why I didn’t explain it properly.

What you do with your own son on your own time should be nothing to do with your boyfriend.
Who you see, is none of his business.

Your boundaries are askew.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk do this programme and put your son first.

Coercive control is telling someone who they can see.
You are in a toxic abusive relationship and so is your poor son.

Put your child first.

CarpetKnees · 11/08/2025 15:49

CookieElizabether · 11/08/2025 06:54

No they still still see him once a week just his dad takes our son to them and I do too on the occasion. I just don’t have the same relationship with them as my boyfriend told me I was disrespecting him
by staying for a cuppa tea etc but I believe it’s important for my son and them. That wasn’t the issue it’s why I didn’t explain it properly.

But what we are all trying to explain to you is that is still is an issue.

A boyfriend has told you who you can or can't have a cuppa with, and you have meekly gone along with it as if that were normal.
IT IS NOT.
It is controlling and therefore abusive behaviour by him.

99bottlesofkombucha · 11/08/2025 15:56

i hope you enjoy your next cuppa with the ex in laws op. Guilt free.

Louise122 · 11/08/2025 17:56

They’re shutting out the SIL and they’re doing it to you. Your BF is obviously cut from the same cloth.
You sound very nice but also very naive. And this for your and your sons sake

Thalia31 · 11/08/2025 19:12

You ended a relationship with your child’s grandparents over a boyfriend who won’t even prioritise your feelings? Yeah you need therapy and a good head wobble.

outerspacepotato · 11/08/2025 19:34

"My boyfriend has a big problem with me having a relationshop
with my exes parnets (son’s grandparents) so I’ve ended it. I don’t see them, unless I have to. "

That was foolish on your part. Your son has a right to know his paternal family. You are a coparent here. Your BF has no right to interfere with your son's relationship with his own family and you being on friendly terms with his grandparents is good for co-parenting. I hope your son sees his dad and them without bf interfering.

Your BF's family is not your family. It sounds like they're not into you.

How long have you been in this controlling relationship?

k8jr · 11/08/2025 19:47

I think it sounds concerning that your boyfriend has basically controlled you by not letting you have a relationship with your child's grandparents. Surely if he was a supportive partner he would encourage you to keep good relations with them, for you and your child, especially since you lost your mum and your dad lives in another country.
The fact he just defended his sister's without considering where you were coming from is not the behaviour of a supportive partner either.
Couple of 🚩🚩 there.

As for the sisters maybe just keep your wits about you and if they do anything like it again, just accept that you'll see them at family do's only. Tbh you would be wise to keep your distance anyway if they're in fact mean girls.

It''s really not nice for you to feel cut off from people, or left out in any way, so I hope you can resolve the issues.

Concernedcheeselover · 11/08/2025 20:32

So hang on…your current boyfriend has a problem with you and your son having a relationship with your son’s grandparents? So he doesn’t get to see his paternal grandparents?

forget feeling left out by two infantile twits, that is the real issue here

Emonade · 11/08/2025 20:43

CookieElizabether · 11/08/2025 06:54

No they still still see him once a week just his dad takes our son to them and I do too on the occasion. I just don’t have the same relationship with them as my boyfriend told me I was disrespecting him
by staying for a cuppa tea etc but I believe it’s important for my son and them. That wasn’t the issue it’s why I didn’t explain it properly.

He is an utter knobhead! Disrespecting him? He needs to grow up

Hopingtobeaparent · 11/08/2025 22:34

TombsofAtuan · 10/08/2025 23:06

So what if they don’t like you? The most important snd concerning thing you’ve said here is that you cut off your relationship with your child’s paternal grandparents because your current boyfriend didn’t like it. That is crazy behaviour. Resume that relationship for the sake of your child. If your current boyfriend doesn’t like it, he can take a running jump. And then his siblings will be irrelevant to your life.

Kindly, OP, this.

I’d resume those relationships if you can… sounds like they’re good for you, in a few ways.

Sorry the family dynamics are not great with this one. Keep an eye on it.

Hopingtobeaparent · 11/08/2025 22:37

Emonade · 11/08/2025 20:43

He is an utter knobhead! Disrespecting him? He needs to grow up

Show quote history

‘Disrespecting him’ for staying with a cuppa with the grandparents of your son?! WTF?!

Seriously, OP, take a long hard look at other red flags you may have overlooked!

SunflowerTed · 11/08/2025 23:55

I think your desperation to be part of a family is clouding your judgement! You are part of a family with your son’s grandparents. This man and his spiteful sisters are not worthy of you or your son. Get rid of them all and start prioritising the meaningful relationships in your life. This family are awful and your boyfriend is a controlling arsehole who definitely doesn’t put your sons interests first

Definitelynotagladiator · 12/08/2025 08:06

Disrespecting him because you’re having a cup of tea with your child’s grandparents??
That is a load of crock!
HE is disrespecting you by not standing up for you!
Dump him, and resume your lovely familial relationship with your child’s grandparents and apologise to them for making such a foolish mistake. And then maybe ask them if they know any good men :)

HoppingPavlova · 12/08/2025 09:02

@CookieElizabether as my boyfriend told me I was disrespecting him by staying for a cuppa tea etc

And which bit of that complete insanity did you believe to be true? Utterly bonkers. Surely, you should have told him he was bonkers!

LilacReader · 12/08/2025 09:12

HoppingPavlova · 12/08/2025 09:02

@CookieElizabether as my boyfriend told me I was disrespecting him by staying for a cuppa tea etc

And which bit of that complete insanity did you believe to be true? Utterly bonkers. Surely, you should have told him he was bonkers!

So you're allowed to treat people like that (i.e. the grandparents) but you're sensitive when people don't want to see you?

Are you going to do this to your child with each new 'family' that he meets.

Apologise to the grandparents, apologise to your child and let your boyfriend's insecurities show you what type of man he is.