Just after some advice on what to do, sorry about the long post!
Beginning of the year I found out that my OH had accumulated a large amount of money on a credit card (I opened one of three letters thinking it was something important for a house sale that we needed that day, he did know about it)
I spoke to him about it, he lied and said it was fraud, then said you're not buying it are you to which I said no. He then said it was money used to cover bills due to a short fall in his wages. That gut feeling just told me it wasn't right. I begged him to tell me what was going on and I got nowhere. Obviously since then the trust had been knocked and I have been wary, I noticed when he would get letters he would put them in his work bag. He said this was the only debt and he was sorting it.
About a month ago letters came and he opened it at home and then put it at the bottom of the bin. I know probably shouldn't have but it was just that niggling feeling, so I looked at the letter in the bin, a money demand letter for a loan.
Again, i questioned him about it and he said the same as before. Things had been pretty rocky since I found out about the first debt but this just made things a lot worse. He assured me this was it, there were no others and he had it under control with a debt management company.
Yesterday, a letter came and I recognised the sender address which is a loans company, I left it a few hours but couldn't stop thinking about it, I absolutely know I shouldn't have and it's an invasion of privacy etc but it was that guy feeling that something was off so I opened it, yet another loan company demanding money.
In total the debt is at 50k that I know about built up over two years.
We have three young children, and I'm absolutely terrified. I haven't a clue what's going on, he claims he doesn't know where the money has gone, he doesn't know what he's spent it on. I know he has a collection of designer coats and clothes etc. I just don't know what to do, I feel like I've been living in survival mode for so long, the trust has completely gone, financially I don't think I'm affected as we're not married but this has just completely ruined this relationship. I have asked him to show me that it's under control with a debt management plant but he said there's nothing to show, he's deleted the emails, I said surely you have an online account or something, he said no. I asked him if we could look through bank statements to see where the money went, he said there isn't any.
I feel like I just want to leave, pack up and go but I don't want to throw 14 years away. I'm so scared my children will hate me for leaving and breaking up the family like he says I will do, but I just physically and mentally can't carry on, Im so tired of masking and pretending everything and myself is okay when it's not. I feel so torn and so guilty on him if I do leave, I feel I'm leaving him sinking. I have no clue how I would leave, the only saving I had he's plowed into a house extension, and I'm in university so my income is from student finance.
I just don't know what to do I feel so stuck and trapped in this nightmare, my trust for him has completely gone. Am I bad for wanting to leave. What do I do.