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Original poster

Is he controlling

35 replies

Zaraaddict · 08/08/2025 08:04

I am in a relationship of 2 years me f60 him m60 and im sad and confused
I’ve always felt that im a bit needy with him.. he’s not very warm and loving but generous and not a flirt or womaniser
He’s always commenting on everything I do ie getting my nails , hair done buying clothes saying I can’t afford them I don’t ever ask him for money ever so don’t think he should comment also telling me I’m too much and 60 now so pack all the pampering in
i had a big heart op 2 years ago and like to treat myself as it’s been hard health wise anyway
it’s come to a head the last month he took me on a beautiful holiday to Greece .. he worked hard to pay for it and I was grateful to him I brought 1000 euros as a contribution and also because I’m proud like that
He upset me at the breakfast table one morning because he doesn’t like talking til after 10
rather than stay and fight I removed my self
went for a walk and did some shopping
when I returned he got of the sunbed and walked off came back and we didn’t speak until later in the day
we made up ( me feeling sad but didn’t want to spoil things .. we were intimate that night which I’m upset by also because he was having those bad feelings about me and had sex .. and the holiday continued him trying to rule the roost constantly
we’ve returned and it’s been hell he’s told me he wanted to get a flight home to get away from me because I went off for two hours .. says I’m hard work because sometimes I huff and puff couldn’t think of anything else I do , and to stop trying to help him and asking if he’s ok as he doesn’t need it .. I really don’t think I did anything wrong
im really heart broken hope I don’t sound stupid I don’t want to ask my friends as they know about the put downs about my appearance we just can’t seem to get back on track and I’m just devastated

OP posts:
Melsy88 · 08/08/2025 08:07

I think it just sounds like neither of you like the other one very much! Are you really getting much joy from this relationship?

Nibb · 08/08/2025 08:08

Whether controlling or not, he sounds like an absolute arsehole.

You really need to raise your bar. This guy is not going to make you happy.

MCF86 · 08/08/2025 08:09

Not sure if controlling or just unpleasant, either way a relationship should make life happier and this one isn't.

Pinkfreedom · 08/08/2025 08:12

Why on earth are contemplating staying in a relationship where you are treated like this. He doesn't like talking before 10am but loves talking down to you the rest of the day.

You are worth more than this, get out, stay out. Build up your confidence and support circle so you don't get involved with such a horrible man again.
I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do, enjoy your life.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/08/2025 08:13

He sounds utterly dreadful and will continue to drag you down with him if you are daft enough to remain with him. Your relationship bar is pitifully low and needs urgent raising.

Do read Women who love too much by Dr Robin Norwood.

StMarie4me · 08/08/2025 08:18

I’m 62. Men like this are why I’ve been single for years. And will stay that way unless someone exceptional appears!

TwistedWonder · 08/08/2025 08:24

Why on earth at your stage of life are you tolerating this complete dickhead and his controlling abusive behaviour?

Honestly men like him are the reason so many older women are choosing to stay single rather than deal with pricks like this.

It’s far preferable to be single and at peace than be spoken to like a piece of worthless shit by a twat. Please dump his pathetic controlling arse

TwistedWonder · 08/08/2025 08:25

StMarie4me · 08/08/2025 08:18

I’m 62. Men like this are why I’ve been single for years. And will stay that way unless someone exceptional appears!

100% - I’m late 50’s and I’d rather stay single forever than tolerate any of the controlling dickheads that seem to be out there.

AnotherGreyMorning · 08/08/2025 08:25

He’s not really interested in making you happy, is he? In fact, he sounds stroppy, spoiled and quite cruel.

Being single means nobody gets to speak to you or treat this way. Imagine how freeing that is.

Your partner is not a good catch!

ChristmasFluff · 08/08/2025 08:29

I'm 60. Life is too short now to be wasting time with people who mess you about. Only keep those who consistently make your life better.

He very clearly makes your life worse, in small and now big ways.

Greenwriter76 · 08/08/2025 08:31

Sorry OP but it sounds like you are only with him for his money, or ‘generosity’ as you call it in your first post. Doesn’t sound as if there are any other redeeming features to him or relationship.

TwistedWonder · 08/08/2025 08:40

I don’t want to ask my friends as they know about the put downs about my appearance

This really stood out for me - you know your friends think he’s a controlling prick and you don’t want to hear the home truths. But think of MN strangers as your online friends and we are telling you the same as your friends. Why on earth are you letting a man put you down and wondering how you can make things right?

sameshizz · 08/08/2025 08:51

He’s an absolute shit at any stage or circumstances in life. No one should put up with behaviour like this, toss this one back .

Endofyear · 08/08/2025 09:01

You do realise you don't have to be in a relationship with this man, don't you? He criticises you and treats you badly - why on earth would you put up with that? Walk away now and enjoy your life without him in it.

Seaoftroubles · 08/08/2025 09:32

He sounds a nasty piece of work OP. Its all about him whilst your needs, are minimised and criticised. Step away now before he wrecks your confidence and self esteem even more. You've recovered from a serious health condition and have a right to be happy and enjoy your life whilst he seems intent on criticising you and treating you badly. l take it you are not living together so you are free to dump him and move on.

hoohaal · 08/08/2025 09:38

I would leave him.

You sound like a nice, friendly upbeat person who is trying to enjoy themselves and treat themselves after having a shit time. You should be allowed to do that and be who you are. Sounds like he’s just going to bring you down.

I would continue to enjoy yourself and be alone or find someone a bit more jolly!

DaisyChain505 · 08/08/2025 09:43

Life’s too short to live like this @Zaraaddict

Be single and happy and spend your money on whatever the hell you want. You’re not an 8 year old who should be scalded for spending their pocket money on the wrong thing, you’re a grown woman and you can make your own decisions.

Join some local social groups to make new friends instead.

Bananalanacake · 08/08/2025 09:53

It's only been 2 years. Does he bring anything positive to your life. Not sure if you live together but don't let him move in with you.

FartSock5000 · 08/08/2025 10:38

@Zaraaddict you had a serious health scare and you know that time is precious.

Don't waste another day on this man just because you fear there won't be anyone else. You were a whole person doing just fine before him and you will be again after him.

He does not love you. Love is attention and care. It is putting our loved ones first sometimes and being present with them.

You deserve real love. You deserve to get back the love and care you give out.

Crikeyalmighty · 08/08/2025 10:59

I’m 63 OP and my H is61. I’ve always said if I find myself on my own that I am not sure I would get involved with a man again - I see so many people out age out and about or on holiday where the bloke is speaking to a woman like she is the shit on his shoe or a bit of an irritation and bossing her about - I’m not a touchy feely person myself and find it irritating if someone constantly asks am I ok if I’m quiet or something - however in your case he is just plain rude, it’s up to you if you want to spend money on your appearance unless of course you live together and expect him to pay for everything too including all bills. Certainly don’t put up with him telling you when you can and can’t talk to him though or aggressive moodiness - it’s not exactly loving, caring or what you need at 60 - I would be thinking twice about this set up

perfectcolourfound · 08/08/2025 13:25

Apart from paying for holidays, what else does he bring to the relationship?

You say he isn't warm, isn't loving, criticises you (for spending your own money / for looking after yourself), refuses to speak before 10am, puts you down, sulks and generally messes with your head.

You would be so much happier without him. You deserve better. And by that I don't mean a better man. I mean not having to deal with this one, and that may mean being single, at least until you've redeveloped your self-confidence and established / learned to assert boundaries.

Hatty65 · 08/08/2025 13:29

I'm your age. There is no way I'd tolerate this type of petty criticism. I am happy with who I am and the way I live my life and I don't need anyone lecturing me about what I should/shouldn't be doing.

I am married, btw, but DH is lovely and very uncritical. If I'm widowed I will not replace him with an inferior model!

Original poster
Zaraaddict · 08/08/2025 13:30

Thank you all for the advice
ive told him I’m done x

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 08/08/2025 13:30

You're at the end of your relationship.

He's rude and tries to tell you how to spend your money. Yes, he's controlling.

Stick a fork in it.

Crikeyalmighty · 08/08/2025 13:34

@Zaraaddict sorry it came to this - it seems really common in blokes I see over a certain age - and it’s unpleasant to be around