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Original poster

Heartbroken by the love of my life.

72 replies

Notsospark · 08/08/2025 07:19

I’ve never posted on anything like this before but I’m so devastated that I need to talk.
Last night, my partner ended our 5 year relationship. My world feels like it has shattered. He is the love of my life and I thought we’d be forever. We were together when we were younger then went our separate ways for 21 years. We found each other again during Covid and declared our love for each other. We’d still loved each other for all this time and I was the happiest girl in the world. Within 6 weeks of us getting back in touch, he moved up and rented a flat near me in the midlands from where he was living down South.
After 6 months, we lived together. I had been in serious relationships during the 21 years we hadn’t seen each other, whereas he’d only had one serious ish relationship that had lasted a year. He didn’t live with this girl. He told me when we got back together that he’s never settled with anyone as it was always me that he loved.

He has always been one for his mates- only really went on stag doos before we got back together, and I had always jokingly called him Peter Pan as I said he’d never grow up.
Things were great at first, then real life hit. He never allowed us to do anything with his mates and their wives/girfriends. I was very much kept separate from all that. I only saw his friends once in the 5 years.

He played football, had a season ticket to watch football and played with his mate on the PlayStation every Thursday night without fail with him being unhappy if I disturbed him whilst he played.

We enjoyed hobbies together like bike riding, camping and loved watching planes. I love holidays abroad whereas he don’t really like the sun. We’d go on one holiday a year but he moaned about the heat. Although he’s happy to play football in 30 degree heat.

Things haven’t been great for a few months. We had agreed to talk to each other tonight- we’ve never been great at talking but I had faith in the fact that we’d be able to work out our issues.
Yet when I got home from work yesterday, his stuff was packed up and gone.
He’d planned with his Sister to take his stuff to hers and had arranged to go down South to stay with his Parents- all behind my back. He acted completely normal when I left the house for work- gave me a kiss etc yet he knew what he was gonna do. He arranged all this whilst letting me think we were gonna talk tonight.
He was there when I got back yesterday - he told me he still loves me, but he doesn’t feel like the same person anymore. He thinks he’ll just be better off on his own. That he’s too selfish for a relationship. We talked for a few hours but it didn’t really get anywhere. Now he’s gone back down South for a few days and I am absolutely devastated. I have good family support but I can’t sleep, I keep crying. Seeing his stuff gone just destroys me. I just want him back. He’s my soulmate- he told me I was his.
I don’t want anyone else.
I don’t know what to do x

OP posts:
ReignOfError · 08/08/2025 09:19

He sounds awful, boring, sulky, selfish and immature, to be honest. And the ‘I still love you but…’ schtick is just spiteful, designed to keep you hanging on hopefully. Don’t give him the satisfaction. Accept that he doesn’t, grieve for the relationship (poor as it sounds to many of us) for a short time, and then get on with the rest of your life.

Henbags · 08/08/2025 09:21

He sounds like a pathetic moron. He can't be that young if you were apart for 21 years yet he still sits around playing Playstation with his mates? Ick.

Screamingabdabz · 08/08/2025 09:27

Omeara · 08/08/2025 08:35

He’s set you free.

This.

I look back on one of my most painful break ups over 30 years ago and I realise it was the kindest thing he did for me. He broke my heart knowing it was never going to work. Sometimes setting you free is the most loving thing they can do.

CurlyZoo · 08/08/2025 09:44

It sounds like you were both enjoying feeling like you were 21 years younger. Unfortunately he really sounds like a child and the behaviour is like a teenager. I'm sorry you're in pain but I think you will be better off

suburberphobe · 08/08/2025 10:05

played with his mate on the PlayStation every Thursday night without fail with him being unhappy if I disturbed him whilst he played.

Pathetic. He's a child.

aquashiv · 08/08/2025 10:58

He was immature and would have ruined your life. Buy a bottle of champagne to celebrate his departure. Block him and move on.

Climbinghigher · 08/08/2025 11:23

He sounds horrible - he isn’t someone who is ever going to settle downs and the exit was cruel and cowardly.

If you are on insta look up Spritely. You need her account at the moment and her latest song.

Block him on everything

Original poster
Notsospark · 08/08/2025 11:23

Worried8263839 · 08/08/2025 07:40

It’s a horrible feeling and you’re in the panic stage right now that your life has been completely upended. The shock, and love you have for him, is evident from your post but it’s interesting that you provide some examples of how the relationship actually wasn’t good/serving you as it should. Not being a part of his life socially in 5 years a concern no? These things often have a funny way of making us realise it wasn’t so great after all, but we can’t always see it when we are in it

With regards to separating me from his mates, whenever I questioned it, he just said all his mates are like that with their wives and girlfriends. But that isn’t the case, there are a few couples that mixed. He wouldn’t even let me drop him off at the pub etc if he was meeting his friends as ‘none of his friends let their wives/girlfriends give them lifts’ So to save arguments, I never asked again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsospark · 08/08/2025 11:25

Yeah I’m 44 he’s 48.
I have a 22 y/o daughter- he doesn’t have any children. Never wanted them x

OP posts:
Ladedahlia · 08/08/2025 11:31

He sounds like he’s completely dysfunctional. No soul mate .

ns87 · 08/08/2025 11:33

honeylulu · 08/08/2025 09:15

It turns out that you were both right.

He is a Peter Pan type - liked the idea of a girlfriend but kept distinct from his teenage preferences of gaming, football and drinking with the lads.
He is also, like he told you, too selfish for a relationship, although his track history already made that quite clear.

You are heartbroken right now and that's understandable. It will be extra poignant because he was a young love of yours and first love really resonates. But you will be ok and as the mist clears you'll realise how much better off you are without him. "Soulmates" is something people say when in the throes of falling in love. There isn't really such a thing. Relationships need to be worked at, boring stuff and all, to go the distance. He never had it in him to go the distance.

Looking at it objectively, he's a middle aged man but wants to live like a youth. I note his friends have wives/partners but he doesn't. He sounds like my husband's youngest brother who always had the attitude that being tied down to a woman was boring and he wanted to be free to play football, go to the pub and date when he fancied it. Clever but not interested in a career as all that sensible stuff was boring and hard work. Did casual work as a driver while his wealthy parents (now RIP) gave him pocket money. He's now late 50s and all his former drinking buddies have wives and families and have settled down and dropped off the radar. Can't do driving work any more as he lost his licence. He lives alone, is an alcoholic and angry about how his life ended up, even though it is what he chose. Your life will be SO much better than a life like that.

Print this and sellotape it to your fridge, it's perfect advice.

Sittingatthebottomofthegarden · 08/08/2025 11:41

Excellent the trash took itself out. Get a proper man or relationship - this one was a man child and you will be so much better off. Read your post again this man is NOT the love of your life. Words are cheap, actions are not. Do not judge someone for what they say but how they live. He is a weasel. Thank god you loved a dream but that dream is a mirage. Move on and just relax and spend time with you, your hobbies, your interests and doing what the hell you want - don’t spend another second thinking about weasel boy.

sonjadog · 08/08/2025 11:48

Are you sure he is your soulmate or are you in love with a fantasy of him. Being apart for so many years can mean building someone up into an ideal that has little to do with reality. Because in person, he sounds immature and a bit shit. Is an immature man soulmate material for you? Or a man who won’t let you be a part of his life? Try to look at your post objectively. Are those characteristics you describe there really what would make someone a soulmate for you?

vegetarianlouise · 08/08/2025 11:52

@Notsospark I had always jokingly called him Peter Pan as I said he’d never grow up.

Listen carefully to a man when he tells you who he is, but you didn't. Your soon to be ex partner is a Peter pan type happier on his own, in your mind you were going to change him into "Mr grown up loving partner" (someone he's not), Sounds like he loved bombed you and did some future faking out of sheer immaturity and now he's hiding in a hole too afraid of admitting his mistake and apologizing for the mess created.
This man is not the love of your life by any means, he's a messy experience and a great life lesson. Good riddance OP. I can totally see him getting back to you in a year to test the water and see "what you're up to" because thats what peter pan types do. Don't fall for his crap again.

Holdonforsummer · 08/08/2025 13:49

i’m sorry OP, but he sounds very immature. Playing PlayStation, refusing to let you meet his mates. And you’re not 15! I think you’re hanging on to an idealised version of him from 20 years ago. That is the danger when you have wanted someone from afar for decades. The reality didn’t live up to it. Move on and good luck.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 08/08/2025 14:08

The meeting up with the past love from younger years happens a lot, and it is the same outcome.
To be blunt he hasn’t been on his own all that time because he was pining for you. He’s been solo because he’s a dickhead.
You don’t really know him as a grown adult. You have memories of him in your mind as he was.
A very long relationship has ended for you, you have felt a bit vulnerable, lockdown happens and Mr Past-It future fakes.
The only decent thing he has done is what he’s actually just done - leave. I know it’s really tough but you are only 44, many years to go.
It is often easier to meet someone from our past as we don’t have to explain ourselves. It’s like comfort.
But you can’t build a relationship on it.
He is an eternal bachelor, I am afraid but at least he’s had the good grace to leave rather than stay, become abusive and ruin your wellbeing.
It is tough now, it’s awful, but it will get better.

shropshire11 · 08/08/2025 14:10

The way that someone ends a relationship tells you a huge amount about who they really are as a person.

It's one thing to love someone, but realise that it isn't enough and to respectfully communicate it to you, accepting the difficulty of the emotions.

It's quite another to take the easy way out, bolt and leave the other person totally devastated. That's not love.

Give yourself time, feel the feelings and process the grief, but remember that someone who truly can love you wouldn't throw you away like this.

lovemetomybones · 08/08/2025 14:10

I know he feels like the love of your life but he really isn’t. Something similar happened with my ex. He left his life down south to come to me (his choice not mine) integrated into my life, my home, made decisions on my behalf (chose my car etc.), love bombed me, took care of me, then one day out of the blue (two weeks before my major surgery) he said he no longer feels the same, took 2 hours packing up his life then left. Spoke to me briefly for 3 days after then cut me off. I never saw him again.

I relied on him so heavily, I had major surgery which took me out of action for six months two weeks after he left. I was bereft. But now, I’m so glad he left he did me a favour I rebuilt my life, got my independence back and met someone eventually who was my equal, my best friend x we have been married 5 years.

you feel bleak now, but he did you a favour and the gold, sharp shock he has done in the long run will make the healing time quicker. X

Original poster
Notsospark · 08/08/2025 14:50

That gives me hope- thank you xx

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 08/08/2025 15:58

Notsospark · 08/08/2025 11:23

With regards to separating me from his mates, whenever I questioned it, he just said all his mates are like that with their wives and girlfriends. But that isn’t the case, there are a few couples that mixed. He wouldn’t even let me drop him off at the pub etc if he was meeting his friends as ‘none of his friends let their wives/girlfriends give them lifts’ So to save arguments, I never asked again.

Show quote history

There’s someone in that group he doesn’t want to know he’s attached

isthismylifenow · 08/08/2025 16:13

Have you posted about him before OP? The not meeting friends seems just like a post from a little whole back.

Honestly, it is rough right now as your whole world has been upended. But he is not your soul mate. He sounds like he was more a cocklodger who now is moving on.

Hopefully in time you will see this too.

siucra · 08/08/2025 16:27

You're in shock right now because you were working hard at the relationship and thinking you were getting somewhere. But you ignored all the red flags and were caught up in the romance about finding each other again.
Right, mind yourself through the shock. Be kind and nice to yourself, take care of you. No one else is going to. and then, after a few days, start the healing process. Get rid of everything of his, start recovering the strong woman you are. He sounds so awful, you are so well rid of him. Good luck and lots of love.

Enrichetta · 08/08/2025 16:30

Notsospark · 08/08/2025 11:23

With regards to separating me from his mates, whenever I questioned it, he just said all his mates are like that with their wives and girlfriends. But that isn’t the case, there are a few couples that mixed. He wouldn’t even let me drop him off at the pub etc if he was meeting his friends as ‘none of his friends let their wives/girlfriends give them lifts’ So to save arguments, I never asked again.

Show quote history

So he put you in a box while he continued to lead his single life.

Did he pay his way - rent, utilities, food, etc? I may be wrong but I’m getting cocklodger vibes…

LittlleMy · 08/08/2025 16:43

Sorry OP but I don’t think he could possibly have been the ‘love of your life’ based on how you’ve described him to us.

He sounds like the sort of cretin that would bounce back when he ‘realises his mistakes’, ‘missed you more than he thought’ etc etc 🙄

Original poster
Notsospark · 08/08/2025 16:48

Oh yeah he paid the rent and other bills. That wasn’t a problem x

OP posts: