Is it too soon

[sydneyr]

I recently reconnected with a man I knew years ago. Both now single and we had a date. We never dated in the past was just some flirting and only really seen each other on occasion.

The first date we spent 6/7 hrs together. Catching up on what we had done with life but also just having a general chat and getting to know each other again

Our second date lasted 2 full days including an overnight (completely PG) but just chatting, there was some hand holding cuddling and kissing. The chemistry was there and I just felt so at ease with him. It felt like we had been doing it years instead of only a few days.

We’ve eaten together every night since and I feel at peace with him and he agrees. It’s only been a couple weeks, we’ve both cooked for each other and had meals out.

I can honestly see myself spending my life with him. I’m obviously trying to take things slowly but it’s just natural being with him there’s not expectations.

I know it’s quick but could this work long term? In the past it’s taken me weeks to be this comfortable around someone. I have never felt this connection before. I’m slightly older so don’t want to look like an idiot either

Doesn’t need to be around his father at all? Sounds a bit off he doesn’t see his son on a regular basis. Most teens do need their parents even if it’s for lifts or some guidance on their studies ect …
I do think 2 weeks is too early to decide if he’s the one. You are in the honeymoon period and he’s in his best behaviour. Real test is first arguement or disagreement or how you get through a difficult time together. That’s really how you you know he’s strength of character

And how does any of that mean he is gay??

It was a question, not a fact.
Ignore it if it bothers you.

To elaborate- he appears to be love-bombing her with so much intensity but so far they've only fumbled. Their first date was 7 hours, their 2nd was 2 days with an overnight stay, she's already planning the wedding, yet they've not even had sex yet to see if they are compatible in bed.

Why on earth would that be the possibility that you would put to the OP? Man hasnt had sex for couple of weeks therefore oh I wonder if he is gay!

You seem unable to read what I've written. Forget it. I'm not going to keep arguing with you on one small point.

You asked OP if he might be gay because they havent had sex, they've only been dating a couple of weeks.

They talk daily, his son has his own car and transport so lifts aren’t a thing. They do have weekend camping trips etc but at 18 he’s more interested in being with mates etc than being around his dad. Am I missing something? Obviously not being a parent I don’t see it but I know my mates older teens are always with mates etc

as for the sex, we’re taking is slow I’m in no rush to sleep with him and he’s not been pushing it either.

neither of us have been married but both single a few years. We’ve both dated in that time but nothing meaningful or long term.

I guess I was just looking to see if anyone else had this kind of connection with the OH quickly

You should have sex soon, to see if you’re compatible.
Is there a reason you’re holding off?
Your budding relationship does sound lovely and I hope it works out 🙂

I guess right now it’s kinda intense but it’s nice. We have been having ‘dates’ too.

as I said we both do have our own lives etc and it’s never been an issue. Granted I’ve only been doing my usual gym classes and work etc but that’s normal for me. I have a very small bunch of friends, 2 of which I only see once or twice a year due to distance. My other 2 good friends I see maybe 1/2 times per month. I do have other acquaintances but no one really that I would go out my way to make time for. I’ve still been seeing family etc too. So yeah I do have a lot of free time, mainly the reason I am looking for a partner.

He sees his family when he can but they are all spread out over the country/world and visits his mum 3/4 times per week. Again like me his friends all have their own lives and he sees them when he can.

We will, i guess I just want to go slow in that department. It’s not that I don’t want it but I’m just being cautious x

I’m always a bit wary of people saying they can see themselves spending their life with someone after a few weeks. It’s totally not even something that should be thought about so early imo. I think it takes 2 years to know someone and whether you’re compatible and see them once their best behaviour mask has slipped. I would slow this right down, it sounds intense and very soon for eating together every night.

It is much too soon to know if he will make a good long term partner. You are being cautious about the sex part, but also be cautious about getting swept up in your emotions when you don't know the man.

Don't make him the central and only focus of your life. Keep yourself busy with other things, find a hobby. Time will tell.

That doesn’t make sense to me, as the relationship is already on fast-forward in all other respects!
But as long as you’re happy and both on the same page, that’s the main thing I guess.

I have a very small bunch of friends, 2 of which I only see once or twice a year due to distance. My other 2 good friends I see maybe 1/2 times per month. I do have other acquaintances but no one really that I would go out my way to make time for. I’ve still been seeing family etc too. So yeah I do have a lot of free time, mainly the reason I am looking for a partner.

I feel quite concerned, the more I read.
No one should want a partner because they are lonely and don't have enough friends.
It comes across like you've latched onto this man to fill a void. That means you are likely to try to make it work at all costs, to avoid being lonely.

Are you really no more than good friends at the moment?

I (like another poster) can't understand why you want to take the sex 'slowly' when you seem besotted with him on an emotional level.

If you add up your dates (maybe 8- all the days you've had dinner together etc) that could easily equate to a 4-week relationship ( 2 dates a week.)

It's more usual to want to tear each other's clothes off rather than the fumbling.

Are you actually attracted to him sexually or is this more about wanting the emotional bond and the 'fantasy' of a relationship because you're lonely?

You definitely can't know him properly until you've had sex- he may be terrible and it might simply not work.

Can you say why you're being 'cautious' because you're not being at all cautious emotionally and seem highly invested in him.

So he hasn’t seen his DS at all in a fortnight? That’s a red flag for me unless he’s away at uni or something.

My DS is nearly 21 and I still see him at least 2/3 times a week.

What was his relationship like with his son's mother? You say he wasn't married but was he in a long term relationship with her? Do they share the care of his son? (Albeit he is now 18.)

I agree. I’m a slow burn so waiting to have sex is normal fir me but I wouldn’t have got to the level of emotional intensity that the OP.

Usually not having sex quickly is because the connection isnt yet there.

What a crock of rubbish!

So OPs lonely and filling a void, whilst the bloke is gay cos hes not trying to shaggy her straight away?

I genuinely feel for you is your life experiences have given you that Outlook as a default.

I didn't sleep with my DP for about 3 months of dating, despite knowing him for a few years before and absolutely adoring his entirety. We were both older, didn't want see until we were committed to the relationship, and nearly 15 years later, still as happy and together as we were then.

And not a gay relationship in sight.

I also have a small circle of friends,wanted companionship, but not to the cost of my wellbeing.

Not everyone's the same, or has the same experience. Might be worth nto jumping to the extremes, with no basis for doing so

All families are different. I didn't live with my dad and as a teen didnt see him every week or every two weeks and I love my dad and have a great bond with him. Teenagers are doing their own thing.

I'd say you're right to remain cautious, at two weeks in you shouldn't really be any more than curious about who he is.

You know very little about him, you haven't met his friends or family to see how he relates to them, there is so much more you need to know about him before having the thought that you'd like to spend the rest of your life with him.

You have an idea of what you want, and who he is, but you do not know him.

Yes, I had that connection. We were strangers when we met, and there's a huge age gap (I'm older). But we felt so comfortable with each other, it was just easy. I'd been used to relying on my friends to make sense of my first marriage and the relationships that followed. Suddenly I didn't need that any more because he made more sense to me than anyone else (and vice versa!). We married over a decade ago and are still the happiest people we know. I'd say just trust your gut. It tells you what you need to know, and that doesn't always have to be negative. 💗

@baileys6904
We all have our own opinions here and there is no need to start being insulting and making wild, inaccurate assumptions about me, just because your opinion is different.
Thank you.

I was like this when I met my husband. We’ve been married very happily 30 years next year and 4 kids later x enjoy it !

Quick update thanks all

We’ve met each others families, he actually tagged along on a family break I had planned.

We’ve also had a weekend away just us, no distractions either due to being so remote and had an amazing time.

i think I’m starting to believe in soulmates and happily ever after

This is lovely. Enjoy it OP, what will be will be. Try not to plan the future too much. None of us really know what's in store really. He sounds like a decent person who truly connects with you, that's more important than an intense sexual fling. If a connection is there love can grow and the physical stuff will follow. No rush